nonikname-
You sound like you’ve been through a lot. Well, I’m going to be honest with you and just say what I feel- hope you don’t get insulted. BTW- I’m really not judging you. Even if it may sound like it. So… I’ve been through a lot too. And I’ve come to realize that Hashem gives hardships to people as a way of getting them to wake up and stop doing whatever they’re doing wrong. And I can honestly say that looking back, I’ve grown so much through everything I’ve been through. So, yes I know. You’ve been hurt. You’ve been abused. You’ve been through experiences that may have left you feeling like Hashem doesn’t care about you. Right now you’re at a crossroads. Either you abandon your relationship with Hashem- which would be SO SAD, seeing as He handpicked you from a 7 billion people to be a part of His special nation, or you start the process towards beginning to live. Really live. I’ve been there. I’ve had someone tell me all this. And B”HI was smart enough to make the right choice. If you want to start trying now, you’ve got a whole support group here for you. Seriously. And the first step towards Life is realizing that Hashem loves you more than anything. So much, that He would create this entire wonderful world for you. Just for you. I’m going to try finding a shiur on torahanytime that will get you started. You can do this.
Hugs!
OURtorah-
You’re so sweet I wanna hug you!!!!!!!! (random exclamation)
B”H, I’m surviving. Every day is a blessing. Stay amazing!