June 21, 2011 7:33 pm at 7:33 pm #597544
something that has been bothering me for a while… when i go to do chesed at someone’s house and they ask me to fold laundry I dont mind at all. But why can’t they take out their husband stuff…..I dont want to fold his laundry……June 21, 2011 7:39 pm at 7:39 pm #785228
i see why that bothers you.
i guess you would have to explain this to them beforehand.
or pretend you are like a nurse who has to deal with unpleasant things, and think of how Hashem appreciates what you are doing, even though it is hard emotionally as well as physically.June 21, 2011 7:41 pm at 7:41 pm #785229TheGoqParticipant
We are talking about folding CLEAN laundry right?June 21, 2011 7:49 pm at 7:49 pm #785231
the point is not that the laundry is dirty. the point is that i dont want to fold your husband’s UNDERWEAR!!!June 21, 2011 8:08 pm at 8:08 pm #785232
You dont learn the value of a dollar unless you earn it, you appreciate it more.June 21, 2011 8:12 pm at 8:12 pm #785233
what are you trying to say?!?!?!!?June 21, 2011 8:17 pm at 8:17 pm #785234
Sorry wrong thread, meant to be in teens threadJune 21, 2011 8:17 pm at 8:17 pm #785235mewhoParticipant
i can understand that a woman would not want to fold a strange mans under clothes.June 21, 2011 8:24 pm at 8:24 pm #785238
what do you think about my suggestions?June 21, 2011 8:24 pm at 8:24 pm #785239WolfishMusingsParticipant
Is it possible that pre-sorting the laundry is enough trouble that if she has to do it for you, then she wouldn’t need you to fold it?
For example, if she has bad arthritis (I don’t know that that’s the case — it’s just an example), she may be unable to pre-sort the laundry for you without a great deal of difficulty.
For whatever it’s worth, I can guarantee you, there is no tznius violation if you fold her husband’s underwear for her as a chessed.
The WolfJune 21, 2011 8:26 pm at 8:26 pm #785240
I would not want to fold hers either but for some reason that bothers me less. just uncomfy.June 21, 2011 8:28 pm at 8:28 pm #785241
so what do you think you should do then?June 21, 2011 8:29 pm at 8:29 pm #785242haifagirlParticipant
When I was a cleaning lady, I was extremely uncomfortable having to do things in the bedroom – change linens, etc. So I understand how you feel. I don’t remember if I ever had to deal with the husband’s laundry, but it would have made me uncomfortable, too.June 21, 2011 8:30 pm at 8:30 pm #785243
mod- once again your suggestions were very good! thought about the nurse thing and you are right! was that post too detailed?!?!?!? sorry but you know what i mean?June 21, 2011 8:32 pm at 8:32 pm #785244
i know what you mean but it made me “uncomfy” if you know what *I* meanJune 21, 2011 8:35 pm at 8:35 pm #785245
If you are doing a chessed you dont have to do anything you dont want to. (If you are getting paid thats another issue)
If they had a DIRTY toilet and asked you to clean it, would you (on a chessed).
You are doing them a favor and you should only do things you are comfortable withJune 21, 2011 8:35 pm at 8:35 pm #785246
LOL yes i know what you mean. in hindsight I’m happy it did not go through. Thank youJune 21, 2011 8:38 pm at 8:38 pm #785247
yes i am doing this as a chessed but still getting paid. does that make it not a chessed? i cant think of a nice way to tell it to her and she is the second person that it happened to so…June 21, 2011 8:41 pm at 8:41 pm #785248
Coke – you said that you were folding laundry. That would mean that it has already been washed. Think of the man’s clothing as just a piece of laundered fabric. If there are children or teens in the household, there would all types and shapes of freshly washed fabric.June 21, 2011 9:18 pm at 9:18 pm #785249bptParticipant
I have an idea: Stick a funny post-it note in the shorts (y’know, like smiley face, or LOL or Boxers Roc!)
The Mrs will see to it that you are not folding his stuff anymore.
(ps – I think chesed has its limitations, and this is beyond the limit)June 21, 2011 9:20 pm at 9:20 pm #785250
mg- maybe its just a sensitivity. if you have it they you would understand what bothers me if you dont then forget it. It’s not a big deal just wondering if it would bother anyone else.
haifa- i would love to be a cleaning lady I love cleaning!June 21, 2011 9:24 pm at 9:24 pm #785251
bpt- I was waiting for your opinion. thank you!June 21, 2011 9:28 pm at 9:28 pm #785252commonsenseParticipant
coke, where do you live, i desperately need a good cleaning lady!!!!June 21, 2011 10:06 pm at 10:06 pm #785253Baal BooseParticipant
( People like you are the “real thing” L.O.L. – you’re prob too young to get my pun)
In any case, it may be hard to ask the Mrs. you are helping to pre-sort.
But here’s a soloution.
Any time you come across a piece of laundry you dont care to handle, put it aside. then when you’re done you’ll simply have a very little (small) pile, which any normal Mrs. would understand. PS. It is perfectly logical as to why you wouldn’t want to handle the Mr. personal laundry. Duh! He’s not your father.June 21, 2011 11:29 pm at 11:29 pm #785254kapustaParticipant
coke, have you been here before with a different SN?
(Not trying to out you or anything, just curious)June 22, 2011 12:26 am at 12:26 am #785255oomisParticipant
If you are uncomfortable, perhaps this particular chessed is not the one for you to do. OTOH, the chessed that you do that is a little more challenging, might also be the one that gets you more brownie points with the Aibishter. If you are being paid, then find another job.June 22, 2011 3:28 am at 3:28 am #785256brotherofursParticipant
i like baal boose’s idea the bestJune 22, 2011 3:57 am at 3:57 am #785257
Coke: Oy, do I need you at my place. Please, please, please come. I will be very nice to you, pay you well and even bake you a cheesecake (whoops, wrong thread).June 22, 2011 10:16 am at 10:16 am #785258welldressed007Participant
so therefore let us ‘choose’ the mitzvas we would like or are willing to do. Lucky for us H-shem does not discriminate, so why should we.June 22, 2011 1:30 pm at 1:30 pm #785259
mg- are you in NY area?!?!?!??! I thought you were in Israel for some reason. I like that idea of putting his stuff aside. thank you. Going to try it tomorrow- yesterday there was no laundry I just bathed 3 kids and swept/washed the floors.June 22, 2011 3:40 pm at 3:40 pm #785260
Coke – I am neither in NY or Israel. I am in Canada – right in the centre of the country. I guess it would a little too far for you to come, but I can always hope. If you are looking for a vacation destination you are welcome to come visit – I have a spare bedroom, and there are only ladies clothing in this apartment. Whoops – made a mistake on that one – I have several of my ex-husband’s undershirts around. I have torn them up because they make the best shmatas for cleaning silver.(and of course, tearing up his discarded T shirts got rid of a lot of vented frustration – yet was perfectly legal – while tearing him up would have had me making these posts from a very secure location with bars on the windows.)June 22, 2011 4:44 pm at 4:44 pm #785261
mg- your post had me laughing. I know what you mean about the undershirts. I thought I was the only one who knew that! I have a couple of vacations planned so far but maybe I’ll head your way one day!June 22, 2011 7:20 pm at 7:20 pm #785262adorableParticipant
can you come to my house?!?!?!?June 27, 2011 9:14 pm at 9:14 pm #785263
mod 80- wanna just thank you for giving me that example of a nurse. I thought about it as i was folding her husbands UNDERWEAR (EEEWWWW!) and it really helped me a lot. Keep your smart ideas coming.June 27, 2011 9:42 pm at 9:42 pm #785264aries2756Participant
Coke, when you take a job you should make it clear what you are willing to do and what you just can’t do. So if you are uncomfortable folding personal items that is what you should say. “I don’t mind folding general laundry or young children’s clothing, but I am not comfortable folding personal items such as parents’ or young adults’ underwear. Be upfront about it.
If there is someone in charge of sending girls out to do cheesed, then you can ask them to let the clients know about a young person’s sensitivities to this issue.July 12, 2011 3:38 pm at 3:38 pm #785265
I’m done that job. Looking for something else like it. Any ideas in monsey?July 12, 2011 10:54 pm at 10:54 pm #785266Another nameParticipant
I hear there’s a job opening in the local laundromat 😉July 12, 2011 11:19 pm at 11:19 pm #785267real-briskerMember
coke – Check out the classifieds in the “community connections”.July 13, 2011 2:45 am at 2:45 am #785268bortezomibParticipant
i just read your thread now, but i TOTALLY get where you’re coming from, last year I did chessed by my cousin’s house- and that meant folding ALL of her and her kids and her husbands clothes.. there was nothing really I could do about it. My cousin was actually very considerate and asked me if it made me uncomfortable to fold her husband’s clothes. I said no, even though it did, because I was there to do her a chessed after all. Whenever i got to an unsavory article of clothing, I’d quickly fold whilst looking away- sort of like how you react to having to take disgusting medicine- gulp it down quickly and get it over with..
That was a monologue- really i just wanted to let you know that i definitely know the feeling, it’s a hard-knock life for us 😉
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