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This is for people who dare to be brutally honest with themselves and want to discuss this very important issue and get to the root of the matter.
I have been thinking about this topic lately and I have some of my own conclusions but I would like to hear what others think on this matter.
I think the reason we judge others DOES NOT stem from a good place. While many will whine and delude themselves that the reason im judging is because “they are doing the wrong thing, but its not right! But its assur, hocheach tocheiach, I am worrying about Hashem’s honor whatever…..” we DONT mean it Lshem Shamayim at all. We my friends need to be honest and realize we are full of baloney. I honestly dont think we are allowed to or are supposed to judge others because that is Hashems job. He is the only One who Judges because only He knows peoples true motives and intentions and where they are holding in life.
I believe the desire to judge stems from some bad Middah or Middos which wants us to look down on the other person. Either due to some jealousy we have of the others success in some area(s) or because we feel threatened by the person and want to cut them down to size.
What do you guys/gals think?
Disagree. No one is judging. But if someone DEFENDS wrongdoing, repeat promotes or defends wrongdoing – as we often read on these blogs, kovod shmayim is our painful response.
i think there is not a lot of doubt here
stam people generally find fault in others because that is the easiest way to increase their own evaluation of themselves.
I agree with Mod80.
Also, sometimes we see a person doing something that we struggle with (like someone who is exceptional with bikur cholim or something) but isn’t dressed properly. Its easier to rail against them for that than to take a good look inside and say “Maybe I should be emulating that person’s middah of chessed.”
We all like to feel superior to someone.
The reason is due to insecurity with the way we do things. If we felt secure that what we are doing is correct and meaningful, we wouldn’t care what others do.
This doesn’t take “brutal honesty”.
Brutal honesty would be required to decide why we judge ourselves.
(That sounded good. If anyone figures out what it means, please post.)
So Right: I could be wrong, but I distinctly recall being taught in my very religious school/yeshiva that if a person would not welcome tochocha, OR, if they have been told more than once, then it is assur to tell them, or tell them again.
So, why do it then? As I stated before, to make one’s self feel more self important. In which case, it is not a matter of Hakadosh Boruch Hu’s kavod, rather it become’s a matter of your OWN Kavod, and the public harassment and humiliation of someone else.
Not all judging is negative, there is also the concept of judging favorably.
Also, judging can bring about positive change. For example if you judge s/o who is not acting appropriately and you think to yourself that you don’t want to be like that and you change- thats good.
yehuda, that’s not always true either.
It really bothers me when parents turn their kids around (in carseats) too early. Research has shown that with rare exception (like kids who can unbuckle their seats) it is significantly safer to keep your kids rearfacing as long as possible. I feel bad for the children when their parents turn them at a year or earlier.
I do judge them as not doing what’s best for their kids. And I try to educate them.
WIY, Kol Hakovod to you, did you hear me Applaud you? i cried when I read your post. I have disagreed with you many times, but this time, you spoke from your heart and mine. You have eloquently stated what I have been saying for many months now. May Hashem bless you with all good things and may you continue to be a sheliach for Ahavas Yisroel.
There are many mekoros that are brought down. I can remember a few in Hebrew and English:
Al tadin es chavercha ad she tagiah bimkomo!
Don’t judge lest you be judged.
Hashem does not ask us to judge “his” people, he commanded us to love each other and do right by each other. He himself is the ultimate judge and jury. He commanded us to love our friends as we love ourselves, v’ahavta k’reiacha kamocha. It killed me on the “short skirt” discussion that the poster said “so called frum girls” and the moderators allowed that to go through. That was like a knife in my heart. How can one Jew say that about another?
G’mar chasima tova. You are right with this conclusion and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
I TOTALLY agree with Wellinformedyid(he is wellinformed after all:)
I think be harsh and judgmental stems from arrogance and /or jealousy.
I judge others and am not jealous nor arrogant. There are many ways to judge. There are postive ways we judge people, such as being dan l’kaf zchus, or we judge unfavorable behaviour so that we do not accept such behaviour. Judging in a negative way as to why people do things that are not our business or is not wrong just different, is bad.
We judge people in our daily interactions with them, whether we realize it or not. It is simply human behaviour.
By the way, this is the old philosopher/clearheaded talking here.
what the OPs intent was, clearly referred to unfair and negative judging without a toeles. my comments were directed to this.
the thread has seen recent responses to a different question (the one in the title) about why, stam, we judge.
just to clarify
I guess I was judging th OP incorrectly. 🙂
1.gaavah
2.gaavah
3.gaavah
Eclipse, so true and unfortunately we didn’t live up to the intention of the post. We did not turn the corner with the new year, we judged, we smeared, we degraded, we hurt, we spoke untruths, etc…. halevai that we took this thread to heart and made the necessary changes in our own attitudes.
the most complex problems usually have simple roots…but to uproot the problem at the root….ah,now that is not always simple…thank you aries–i think we agree on quite a few coffee room issues,do we not?(i’m chancing that comment assuming we are the same gender)
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