Anyone read shloimy dachs article in Mishpach about divorce?
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- This topic has 21 replies, 18 voices, and was last updated 12 years, 3 months ago by truth4ruth.
February 13, 2011 2:46 am at 2:46 am #594949elikParticipant
Great article!!! really respect him… To go public and try to help others from divorced homes… showing how normal people from divorced homes are….February 13, 2011 2:57 am at 2:57 am #740531amichaiParticipant
yes,very good article. amazing how he wrote that both his parents came to visit him together in camp on visiting day. really special.February 13, 2011 3:04 am at 3:04 am #740532doodle jumpParticipant
Yes I did. I respect him too. It just goes to show that sometimes when a divorce is necessary, it can work out if the welfare of the kids are in the forefront. Kudos to the parents who put their needs aside and do All for the sake of their kids showing only kindness.February 13, 2011 3:09 am at 3:09 am #740533OfcourseMember
“both his parents came to visit him together in camp on visiting day. really special”.
Exactly, very unique! Unfortunately his parents post-divorce behavior isnt like most others’.
See thread: How often is Divorce the better option for the entire family?February 13, 2011 3:10 am at 3:10 am #740534elikParticipant
yes, agree I have seen many cases where the parents talk and get together to make it more comfy for the kids by simchas, camp and school…
However in some case it’s not that easy for parents to do that.. but his other point is that kids shouldn’t be considered from a BROKEN HOME…February 13, 2011 4:27 am at 4:27 am #740535ShrekMember
it was a great article. It would have been interesting to hear him discuss how his parents’ divorce affected his attitude toward dating and marriage, if it did.February 13, 2011 5:15 am at 5:15 am #740536posekMember
I have endless respect for him for agreeing and know from people first-hand that were helped from his message. He is a hero for using his public persona to assist others in trouble,February 13, 2011 5:42 am at 5:42 am #740537Mosh3Member
i did not know that he is from a divorced family but let me tell you shloime dachs is an unbelievable person. the amount of tzedaka and chesed that he does is astonishing and i am so proud to know him.February 13, 2011 10:11 am at 10:11 am #740538PosterMember
i also enjoyed the article, it was very sensitive.February 13, 2011 5:47 pm at 5:47 pm #740539HealthParticipant
I didn’t read the article; but many, many adults and children are affected negatively by divorce. I hope the purpose of this article was not to deny this truth.February 13, 2011 8:03 pm at 8:03 pm #740540arcParticipant
health the purpose was it doesnt have to be that way. a “broken home” can be a home with both parents and a divorced home can be “fixed”. either way dont use the children as pawns in a game. like the above example of visiting day and the father lived close enough so they davened in shul together.February 14, 2011 2:02 am at 2:02 am #740541bbubbeeParticipant
One of the most traumatic things for children from divorced homes, is being used a pawns in the parents quest to outdo the other one. Rav Pam ZTL said that the Mizbaich cries at divorce.
There are many boys out there that need male companionship, to learn with, daven with, play ball with etc. When it can be their own father, Mah Tov Umanaim. But when it cannot be, Single men be aware that there is a great Chesed that you can do for these boys. Don’t always think that only women can do Chasadim. Sit next to one of them in Shul, show them the place, learn with them – act like a big brother not a substitute father figure.
( the same can be said for Yisomim) You can make a difference in the future lives of these boys.February 14, 2011 2:13 am at 2:13 am #740542OfcourseMember
Best case scenario, in the homes where a parent remarries, and sometimes thats BOTH the father’s home and the mother’s home, usually the child/children feel like fifth legs, and unwanted furniture, even more so, when new children appear on the scene. Look at the 8 year old kid in the news last week who shot his pregnant stepmother to death. His feelings werent at all unique. Only how he reacted was. He was jealous of the attention the father was giving the pregnant stepmother.February 14, 2011 2:27 am at 2:27 am #740543mom of a fewMember
It is harder to do the visiting day thing etc. once one of the sides is remarried although it seems ideal. Nebach on these poor kids.February 14, 2011 2:36 am at 2:36 am #740544posekMember
Maybe Mishpacha can interview the parents?February 14, 2011 3:09 am at 3:09 am #740545mechanechMember
As a lifetime mechanech of women I can testify that the emotional scars of those students whose homes are characterised by parental strife are more severe and more evident than those who come from divorced homesFebruary 14, 2011 3:18 am at 3:18 am #740546canineMember
mechanech, in most strife cases you wouldn’t know about marital strife — except in the most severe cases possibly. So you are comparing the few very severe ones to the average divorce. Bad comparison.February 14, 2011 5:13 am at 5:13 am #740547truth be toldMember
mechanech: Please state your name. Anonymously making a funny (at best) statement does not give it credibility.
Dr. Meir Wikler, amongst many others, writs very differently in his parenting books.
Most posters can tell you from both, personal experience as well as common sense, that children of divorced are usually (vast majority of the time) worse off.February 14, 2011 6:46 pm at 6:46 pm #740549mechanechMember
I think it was Mark twain who said that commonsense is a misnomer. It is in fact very uncommon!
I believe that “common sense” dictates that a child living in a very b’dieved but stable post devorce situation is better off that living in a situation which is volatile, unstable and often for them, frightening.February 14, 2011 10:26 pm at 10:26 pm #740551shlishiMember
i believe this post from zeeskite is very applicable to this thread:
OK. No one knows me here right?
Our shana rishona was really rocky. After the first of our cuties B”H came along, we realized that we’re in it for the long haul, and looked at things differently. B”H we’re happily married. Still. It was many years later I found a Medrash that said that Yaakov Avinu originally wanted to divorce Leah Emenu, so HaShem sent her offspring right away. Medrash continues: so Yaakov said “What, to the mother of these I should send away?!” Analyzing this we come to the conclusion the powerful force of the role of children in marriage. Yaakov was at the verge of sending her away, not out of hate or any other of today’s petty issues, he had VALID reasons (R. Miller states some), yet he held on because of the children. WOW!February 15, 2011 5:48 am at 5:48 am #740552kkMember
i know plenty of great guys who come from a divorced home and got excelent shidduchim,people who say no right away with out checking out situation should definitely think twiceFebruary 15, 2011 6:42 pm at 6:42 pm #740554truth4ruthParticipant
I found it impressive that his parents were able to put their own feelings aside on visiting day in order to spend the day with their son peacefully. However, I do find it a little weird and somewhat unhealthy that they traveled in the car TOGETHER to the camp. I personally would not recommend that.
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