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You know I’ve always liked old people. I just never wanted to be one. I realize now in my late 30’s that its inevitable. But it beats the alternative.
I go to a Jewish Y for swimming and exercise and mostly the ladies are of above retirement age, and the are gorgeous, taking care of themselves, doing their hair, going to plays, golf, bridge tournaments, and theatre productions, travel excursions and Florida and whatever. I mean they are not sitting like Salami knitting a scarf, which I actually happen to have nothing against knitting, I love to knit, personally, I am really just making a general picture and point that although I love to meet in the change room and shmooze with them, I am afraid to get old.
When I will be old….who will I look up to? Where will be all those sweet dear elderly ladies whose hands I took in mine during our visits in their hospital bedrooms. Who inspired me to believe in change and hope for a better tommorrow? WHo will I learn from? Who will I bring youthfulness to?
When I see old ladies, I silently think in my head “oh no, look how the skin sags and wrinkles, they are not pretty anymore”. I want to ask “Do you mind if i just touch you…you know To see how it feels?
I mean I really love them. Ever since I was a little girl when we use to go visiting old aunts or uncles in nursing homes, or even just for tea in their homes, I loved to get close up to them and “give them a little Youthful energy” by my smile, holding their hand, sharing stories, and I felt somehow I was absorbing from them this amazing power they had. They were loving, smiling, and even the ones who weren’t so friendly still seemed to really love having children around. It was as if we were being recognized as the magical beings we were which just appeared in their room out of nowhwere, in order to bring a bit of life and light to their afternoon.
I always intuitively felt they needed my hugs. Even though in the beginning of my experience of visiting, it was hard to bring myself to hug these older bodies, with funny medical smells, or tobacco, or strong smelling creams, hair dye and wrinkled skin, I really wanted to love them. I knew they loved it. I felt so good giving them a taste of the chubby feel of my hands and cheeks. I loved going to nursing homes and bringing these old relatives we saw once every 4 years a picture I had drawn, and receiving a dollar before we left.
Meanwhilst, I was always aware of this feeling all the while that I wanted to run out of there, as fast as I could. To get away from their sad reality. It was stifling, and depressing. Even upon walking into such sick rooms in the hospital, or nursing homes, I felt a resistance, as if the room had a thick auruora penetrating the air which was difficult to walk through. I remember my chest feeling heavy and my knees and gut feeling quezy and weak. It was hard to breath. The tubes in their noses, the white bed sheets, the little cups of medications on their side tray.
I think the anxiety I feel about getting old is not from aging, but whether or not I’ll be in a financial disposition to afford “work” on tightening anything that moves or jiggles like under my chin, or wrinkles! LOL
How do you feel about getting old?
Not when I consider the alternative!
In Yiddishkeit a Zokein is someone to look up to. It is in the goyish culture that we need to distance ourselves from, that looks at their elders as old fogies to distance themselves from.
I’m with oomis – I sure hope I’ll get old.
“Meanwhilst”
I’m sorry, what did you just say?!
oomis1105-
I wished a colleague of mine a happy birthday when he turned 60. He wanted to know what is so happy about it, “it’s so old and everyone reaches it some time or another”.
“Actually not”, I corrected, “only the lucky people reach it”.
He smiled and thanked me.
I never felt old, but my daughters bat mitzvah is coming up soon as I was looking at some photos from when she was a baby , toddler and younger and for the first time I started to feel old
“Grow old along with me!
The best is is yet to be.
The last of life for which the first is made.
We all are in His hand
Who saith, ‘A whole I planned.
Youth shows but half. Trust G-d, see all, nor be afraid.'”
From the poem “Rabbi Ben Ezra” by Robert Burns
My mother has a friend who’s mother always said she was scared to get old. she dies very very young.
I feel old and I’m not even thirty yet. But when your divorced by age 25 you sometimes feel that you’ve been through life already.
This lifestyle isnt set up for someone who is single in their late 20’s.
So yeah, I feel old, not to mention alone. But hey, at least I dont need to worry about paying tuition.
I know what it is to be afraid of growing old. I have a husband who criticizes me for being overweight, so I can only imagine the taunts and hurtful comments that I might be subjected to. This is not only a youth oriented society, it’s a looks oriented society. Look bad, deserve bad (treatment). I intend to have work done on my skin, when the need arises. Although there is no shame in growing old, I don’t see why we can’t invest in ourselves to make ourselves look the best we can. It can’t come down to our accepting ourselves based on being able to dress well or get cosmetic work done, though. If there is no money for such things, we still have to like ourselves.
Growing old doesn’t mean there will be no one there for you to look up to. I am learning, through difficulty, that people younger than me have acquired much wisdom and possess much kindness. There will always be people there for you to celebrate life with and mourn life with.
I AM old (by many people’s standards) and I don’t mind it one bit because as many have said, it beats the alternative. In my mind, I am still 16 and when my BFF (since age 12) and I get together, we often act like it. At a function prior to my grandson’s Bar Mitzvah, my girlfriend – we live in different cities – and I had both travelled a great distance to be there and we were laughing and telling stories and having a wonderful time. My einekel, the Bar Mitzvah bocher, said “Bubbie, the two of you are having the best time here – better than anyone else, so I will stay with the two of you. You know how to laugh and have fun.”
When I am acting more maturely, I still keep a great sense of humour. I keep myself very busy with different activities and I do take care of my appearance. As I have said before on another thread, I have built myself an entirely new and most wonderful life since my divorce. This is the emes – when I was driving home from shul this morning, I was thanking Hashem for my amazing life and my wonderful friends. I couldn’t be happier – so my age (66) suits me just fine. I love life – so any age is great – it is a matter of attitude.
I’m more afraid of NOT growing old.
Afraid of getting old? I can’t wait!
Imagine having a day off, every day, and being able to do the things I want to do (like the 11:00 shiur in Shomer Shabbos, bringing my einekel a snack during recess, riding the bus at the discount rate, ect) instead of doing the things I need to do (like work, work, work).
Plus, I’ll be able to wear a hat with a small brim and tie with a 5″ bib and everyone will say, oh he looks so put together)
True, I’ll need to endure going shopping for the day’s worth of food, (each day, because you never know, do you?) but hey, if it makes Mrs. BP happy, who am I to stop her?
Oh, and winters in Fla, so I can see the very latest in shvimkleid fashion 🙂
Nu, is aging so terrible?
One of the best ways to stay alive is to never retire. Retirement boredom is one of the biggest killers around.
scared of getting old. fear of being alone and sickness.
Gerontophobia- fear of getting old
oomis1105-
I wished a colleague of mine a happy birthday when he turned 60. He wanted to know what is so happy about it, “it’s so old and everyone reaches it some time or another”.”Actually not”, I corrected, “only the lucky people reach it”. He smiled and thanked me. “
Good job, Dr. Pepper. I am more afraid of becoming incapacitated by old age (starting already with severe osteoarthritis of both knees). And since I am not old by “old” standards, or so I’m told, and hopefully am truly reaching MIDDLE age in a couple of months, I pray that the frailties of true old age, don’t hit me as hard as they have some other people. May we all grow old gracefully, and in good health.
bh my parents are bh still alive my father is 80 khore and my mother is 65 but shes very sick. one think that i cant take out of my mind is what happens after 120…so getting old involves being depended on other people even when its your own kids. but hey do we have a choice bichlal? i dont think about myself being old as in my mind i am still 18 but well when i look at old ppl it makes me think whats gonna be
always runs fast with scissors – lol cuz urbandictionary is the place to find the true meaning of a word?
I’m sorry, did you just cite Urban Dictionary at me?!? Wow. NEVER do that again. EVER.
One of the many magnets on my fridge says: “Why regret growing older? It is a privelege denied to many?”
I just hit the big 6-0, B’H, k’a’h.
it’s hit me pretty hard cuz it’s such a high number, but I feel wayyy younger in spirit! … it’s just that my body (health) isn’t keeping up with my youthful spirit & THAT is what scares me!
but I feel very accomplished because I’ve raised & married off my 4 children, & have grandchildren, B’H!
bpt, I decided a few years ago that I wasn’t waiting to “feel” old or get old to enjoy Miaimi. And that I was not going to let “age” be a factor in my life. I enjoy Miami now and my kids and grandkids come for a week to 10 days at a time to enjoy it with me during the winter months. We also go for the yomim tovim. We are not lucky enough yet, to own a home in E’Y, so Miami will have to do for now.
Why wait till we don’t have the Koach to enjoy it with our kids and grandkids? As each year passes do I feel older? Maybe a little bit, but I try to spend as much time with my grandkids as possible and they keep me feeling young.
Really the only thing I fear is relying on others when I am older. I am a doer and a giver and it is hard for me to ask for help.
Raphael Kaufman-
That “Grow old along with me” quote just made me recall Isaac Asimov’s book “Pebble In The Sky”, which I read over thirty years ago.
It was a great book – thank you for the flashback.
You’re only old if you feel old
Getting old means never buying green bananas.
I usually don’t feel old, but it is a bit disconcerting when people in their 20s complain about being old.
Im petrified of getting old. Dunno why. Maybe its cuz I like my teeth. bpt- that was really cute.
Mods,
You allow a link to urbandictionary but wouldn’t let my links to chabad through? (See the thread starting with post 222758)
I have to say this is the first post on YWN that brought me close to tears. How far have we come from respect and admiration for zekainim, nomatter what their “outsides” look like, or how well their “insides” are functioning? This is a lost generation if it cannot learn from it’s elders. I see this attitude all around me.
Ursula: it might make a difference for you if you can bring in a health aide even for a couple of hours a week; your mil might appreciate the relaxed and private help (in the mornings for ex.) and it could help you de-stress a bit.
ICOT, That’s where I saw it first also. A lot longer than 30 years ago. I remember it from the ’50s when it came out (speaking of “old”).
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