Ashkenazim: Would U Date A Sefardic?

Home Forums Shidduchim Ashkenazim: Would U Date A Sefardic?

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  • #595642

    s2021
    Member

    The food

    The attitude

    wouldja?

    couldja?

    #749584

    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    No.

    #749585

    cshapiro
    Member

    never have, but idk if there are any sefardi football players??? hmmmm…

    #749586

    I know several “mixed” families who seem very happy and content. Its probably dependant upon a lot of variables, though.

    What type of Ashkenazic person is the Ashkenazi? (Yekke, Hungarian, Belzer Chosid, Litvak, Yerushalmi etc etc)

    What type of Sephardic person is the Sephardi? (Spanish, Yemenite, Persian, Syrian, South American etc etc)

    What type of educational culture did each party grow up in?

    Both sides would have to be open and accepting (and certainly not condescending) of the cultural differences. Once you have that, as well as an understanding of differences, why not (if personalities, life-goals and Hashkofas line up)?

    As with all things in shidduchim, its good to have a Rebbe/Rebbitzen/Rov/Competent mentor who can direct. Hatzlocha

    #749587

    yossi z.
    Member

    I can’t really put my two cents in here as I have a foot in both “camps.” My uncle, you see, is the sephardi chacham of Massachusetts (yes I used spell check to spell the state I was brought up in) so I am quite comfortable with the sephardic ways (besides having sephardim around and eating by them quite often)

    😀 Zuberman! 😀

    #749588

    mdd
    Member

    I would.

    #749589

    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    Is there an age gap problem in the Sephardic community? If not, maybe the Sephardic boys should marry Ashkenazi girls to help even things out.

    #749590

    AinOhdMilvado
    Participant

    I would, but I don’t think my wife would approve.

    #749591

    A23
    Participant

    I would, no real difference.

    #749592

    Grandmaster
    Member

    Daas Yochid

    Member

    Is there an age gap problem in the Sephardic community? If not, maybe the Sephardic boys should marry Ashkenazi girls to help even things out.

    Even if there is no age gap, their numbers may be even and they have no “excess” boys.

    #749593

    Grandmaster
    Member

    mdd

    Member

    I would.

    Are you Teimeni? I think they marry more than one wife (and I believe I’ve seen you post that you are married already.)

    #749594

    ItcheSrulik
    Member

    I would. Do you have someone?

    Daas: If they did, that would cause a shortage of sefardi boys. Then since the boys from both groups are marrying ashkenazi girls, who would the sefardi girls marry?

    #749595

    charliehall
    Participant

    The food is better!

    I can’t understand why not.

    #749596

    yes…i did

    #749597

    ☕️coffee addict
    Participant

    Daas: If they did, that would cause a shortage of sefardi boys. Then since the boys from both groups are marrying ashkenazi girls, who would the sefardi girls marry?

    Hello! sfardim don’t hold of the cheirem! They can have more than one wife! (JK)

    #749598

    nishtdayngesheft
    Participant

    Chucky,

    Who says the food is better? You cannot interpolate your poor experiences to rest of the population.

    And why not date a sefardi? It depends how much mesorah means to you? Would it bother someone to make such drastic changes. That is besides any other differences that may exisit that would preclude a shidduch.

    Perhaps someone who has no mesorah, or makes it up as they go along would ask why not, but for most people there can be very well established reasons not to go out with a sefardi and vice versa as well.

    Would you go out with a chasiddish person? Someone from Meah Shearim?

    #749599

    nisht: I understand you’re point about the food. But it seems as if you have some previouse bone to pick with “Chucky”. You seem to be attacking him.

    About mesorah: May a girl whos family is a Tosher Chosid marry a Munkatcher chosid? What’s with mesorah? The woman accepts the husbands minhogim. And if the husband has similar minhogim to the Chidah, the Beis Yosef, the Ramban and most other Rishonim, she’ll gladly accept (if she’s ready for it emotionally).

    #749600

    always here
    Participant

    truth be told~ we have a Toldos Aaron cousin from Yerushalayim who married a girl from Tosh, & they live in Tosh. no problem, B’H.

    #749601

    AinOhdMilvado
    Participant

    I’m from shevet Binyamin.

    I refused to let my kid date someone from shevet Gad on the East Bank. It’s too far to go visit, if he ended up living there with those Gadi’s (with all their weird minhagim)!

    Ain’t no reason he can’t find a nice Binyamini girl on this side of the river.

    #749602

    nishtdayngesheft
    Participant

    TBT,

    No bone, just wondering why the silly comment.

    If the person is ready to accept the minhagim, kol hakovod, however it can very well be a reason not to get involved. And the differences betweeen an Ashkenazy and Sefaradi are much greater that differences between diffierent chasidus. And that difference too is considered.

    To say “why not” shows a lack of understanding in the different mesoros. It is not a matter of one being right and another being wrong, but they are different. And there are a number of cultural differences as well. These are all valid reasons why someone would not go out with Sefardi, Ashkenazy or Chosid and so on. And all that is obvious to anyone who appreciates mesorah.

    I am not saying there cannot be fantastic shidduchim, however, it is not for everyone andi s not something that you shake off with “why not”.

    #749603

    RedNails19
    Participant

    maybe.

    #749604

    one word….Dafina…hmmmmm

    #749605

    my Persian friend said the boys are allowed to marry out and the girls MUST marry persians

    go figure

    #749606

    mdd
    Member

    Grandmaster(“myfriend”), I meant theoretically speaking — if I needed to.

    Nishtdayngesheft, it is when some people are too much into their very own mesora that it hurts the achdus of Klal Yisrael.

    #749608

    ItcheSrulik
    Member

    Am I the only one who finds the way this was phrased slightly condescending? I may be overreacting but it seems that the title implies “should the superior ashkenazim condescend to go out with inferior sefardim?”

    #749609

    shev143
    Member

    Absolutely, my Rov told me to always marry up.

    #749610

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    If I were on the shidduch market (I’m happily married b”h), I would prefer not dating someone sefardic just because it would be a major adjustment both halachically and culturally.

    It would be very hard for me to adjust to the davening, kitniyos etc I don’t think I’m clean enough to be a sefardi wife too 🙂

    If I were a man, I think it would be less daunting because my minhagim wouldn’t change as significantly.

    That being said, I do have quite a few relatives and friends who are happily married and the product of “mixed” marriages. So if I would have met a nice sefardi guy, I wouldn’t have let that stop me.

    #749611

    Grandmaster
    Member

    nishtdayngesheft: Good points.

    my Persian friend said the boys are allowed to marry out and the girls MUST marry persians

    How will all the Persian girls be able to marry in, if some of the Persian boys are marrying out?

    #749612

    IS: I don’t think so. It seems that OP is Ashkenazic or asking for an Ashkenazi friend. A Sefardi would phraise the question the same way, after switching the order.

    #749613

    nishtdayngesheft: OK, I understand you better now. Thanks for the explanation.

    I was taken aback on the name switch, so I saw it differently. My first comment containing my two cents, did say one should walk in with their eyes fully open. I don’t think he was suggesting that people should enter marriage without thinking it through properly, as with all shidduchim. IDK, he can answer for himself, if he so chooses.

    #749614

    thats what i was thinking…….

    #749615

    s2021
    Member

    U probly think so cuz u actually feel like a Superior Ashken…

    #749616

    ItcheSrulik
    Member

    tbt: Could be, or maybe I’m just being over-sensitive in general.

    #749617

    aries2756
    Participant

    Nope, the couples that i know and I have seen, I believe would have been better off otherwise.

    #749618

    jeffweiss11
    Member

    Im Sy and Im married to A J-DUB-lifes good!

    #749619

    IS: I think being sensitive or even ” over-sensitive” for other peoples feelings is a beautiful thing.

    #749621

    always here: B”H its working out for them

    #749622

    willi
    Member

    Offhand I’d say no, due to the the major cultural differences. However, if a wonderful man came my way & he happened to be sephardi & everything else between us would be compatible then maybe I’d consider…

    #749623

    rebdoniel
    Member

    My mother is Ashkenazi and my father Sephardic. I have a hard time meeting anyone interested in even considering going out with me because I do not associate clearly with either community, although in my minhagim, I follow Minhag Ashkenaz, because my rebbeim hold I should follow Minhag Ashkenaz due to my circumstances.

    #749624

    First of all I just want to say-and we want to know what mashiach isn’t here yet?? “The food, the attitude” are u KIDDING???? I have soooo much to say right now but I am holding myself back VERY much. U can think whatever u want. Hashems so proud of this thread

    #749625

    s2021
    Member

    Passion- dont hold back… What xactly wer u referring to by “R u kidding???”

    #749626

    No ill hold back. Controlling my anger, and some other sins I’m sure. Its a good thing I can controll myself 🙂

    #749627

    s2021
    Member

    I ask because if u found something that angered u, u probly mis-understood. I am what we call “Rock’n Moroccan”-nothing negative was implied by “the attitude” (the food obviously not:)

    #749628

    nfgo3
    Member

    I thought Hashem had a Bashert for each and every Jew. Does anyone think Hashem wants the Jewish people to be divided over minhagim, or food preferences, or pronunciation?

    #749629

    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    No, I would not date a Sephardi…

    … my wife won’t let me. 🙂

    The Wolf

    #749630

    nfgo3: Must a girl who is 5′ 10″ date a guy who 4′ 10″? Do you think Hashem wants the Jewish people to be divided over height, or looks, or personalities?

    #749631

    mdd
    Member

    Truth be told, looks have to do directly with the marriage. There are other things which do not or ,at least, should not matter. Certain hakpodos come from midos ra’os. These midos ra’os are the root of the sinas chinam which keeps us in golus. The Gemora at the end of Ta’anis says the the day that different shvatim were allowed to intermarry is a yom tov!

    #749633

    mdd
    Member

    Passion4music, I”ll keep on shooting while you rest.

    #749634

    seagul47
    Member

    enough kibbitzing–

    There are many difficulties in a marriage and adjustments, add up differences in minhagim, yada yada, and you can get a toxic mix.

    so why start.

    it “may” work for a second marriage when the couple are less “demanding/mature/supple/flexible/whatever.”

    I’m not saying it won’t work, but how many adjustments do you expect each to make to the other’s minhagim without resentment coming into play–resentment leads to fights etc.

    #749636

    mdd: Food prefferences can directly affect a marriage. As can other differences.

    But before you accuse me of sinas chinum, please read all my posts on this thread.

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