March 11, 2011 6:17 am at 6:17 am #595642
couldja?March 11, 2011 6:30 am at 6:30 am #749584popa_bar_abbaParticipant
No.March 11, 2011 6:37 am at 6:37 am #749585cshapiroMember
never have, but idk if there are any sefardi football players??? hmmmm…March 11, 2011 11:01 am at 11:01 am #749586
I know several “mixed” families who seem very happy and content. Its probably dependant upon a lot of variables, though.
What type of Ashkenazic person is the Ashkenazi? (Yekke, Hungarian, Belzer Chosid, Litvak, Yerushalmi etc etc)
What type of Sephardic person is the Sephardi? (Spanish, Yemenite, Persian, Syrian, South American etc etc)
What type of educational culture did each party grow up in?
Both sides would have to be open and accepting (and certainly not condescending) of the cultural differences. Once you have that, as well as an understanding of differences, why not (if personalities, life-goals and Hashkofas line up)?
As with all things in shidduchim, its good to have a Rebbe/Rebbitzen/Rov/Competent mentor who can direct. HatzlochaMarch 11, 2011 1:00 pm at 1:00 pm #749587yossi z.Member
I can’t really put my two cents in here as I have a foot in both “camps.” My uncle, you see, is the sephardi chacham of Massachusetts (yes I used spell check to spell the state I was brought up in) so I am quite comfortable with the sephardic ways (besides having sephardim around and eating by them quite often)
😀 Zuberman! 😀March 11, 2011 1:50 pm at 1:50 pm #749588
I would.March 11, 2011 1:57 pm at 1:57 pm #749589☕ DaasYochid ☕Participant
Is there an age gap problem in the Sephardic community? If not, maybe the Sephardic boys should marry Ashkenazi girls to help even things out.March 11, 2011 2:12 pm at 2:12 pm #749590AinOhdMilvadoParticipant
I would, but I don’t think my wife would approve.March 11, 2011 2:16 pm at 2:16 pm #749591A23Participant
I would, no real difference.March 11, 2011 2:21 pm at 2:21 pm #749592
Is there an age gap problem in the Sephardic community? If not, maybe the Sephardic boys should marry Ashkenazi girls to help even things out.
Even if there is no age gap, their numbers may be even and they have no “excess” boys.March 11, 2011 2:23 pm at 2:23 pm #749593
Are you Teimeni? I think they marry more than one wife (and I believe I’ve seen you post that you are married already.)March 11, 2011 2:50 pm at 2:50 pm #749594
I would. Do you have someone?
Daas: If they did, that would cause a shortage of sefardi boys. Then since the boys from both groups are marrying ashkenazi girls, who would the sefardi girls marry?March 11, 2011 3:03 pm at 3:03 pm #749595charliehallParticipant
The food is better!
I can’t understand why not.March 11, 2011 3:16 pm at 3:16 pm #749596mikehall12382Member
yes…i didMarch 11, 2011 3:52 pm at 3:52 pm #749597☕️coffee addictParticipant
Daas: If they did, that would cause a shortage of sefardi boys. Then since the boys from both groups are marrying ashkenazi girls, who would the sefardi girls marry?
Hello! sfardim don’t hold of the cheirem! They can have more than one wife! (JK)March 11, 2011 4:17 pm at 4:17 pm #749598nishtdayngesheftParticipant
Who says the food is better? You cannot interpolate your poor experiences to rest of the population.
And why not date a sefardi? It depends how much mesorah means to you? Would it bother someone to make such drastic changes. That is besides any other differences that may exisit that would preclude a shidduch.
Perhaps someone who has no mesorah, or makes it up as they go along would ask why not, but for most people there can be very well established reasons not to go out with a sefardi and vice versa as well.
Would you go out with a chasiddish person? Someone from Meah Shearim?March 11, 2011 4:32 pm at 4:32 pm #749599
nisht: I understand you’re point about the food. But it seems as if you have some previouse bone to pick with “Chucky”. You seem to be attacking him.
About mesorah: May a girl whos family is a Tosher Chosid marry a Munkatcher chosid? What’s with mesorah? The woman accepts the husbands minhogim. And if the husband has similar minhogim to the Chidah, the Beis Yosef, the Ramban and most other Rishonim, she’ll gladly accept (if she’s ready for it emotionally).March 11, 2011 4:49 pm at 4:49 pm #749600always hereParticipant
truth be told~ we have a Toldos Aaron cousin from Yerushalayim who married a girl from Tosh, & they live in Tosh. no problem, B’H.March 11, 2011 5:23 pm at 5:23 pm #749601AinOhdMilvadoParticipant
I’m from shevet Binyamin.
I refused to let my kid date someone from shevet Gad on the East Bank. It’s too far to go visit, if he ended up living there with those Gadi’s (with all their weird minhagim)!
Ain’t no reason he can’t find a nice Binyamini girl on this side of the river.March 11, 2011 5:23 pm at 5:23 pm #749602nishtdayngesheftParticipant
No bone, just wondering why the silly comment.
If the person is ready to accept the minhagim, kol hakovod, however it can very well be a reason not to get involved. And the differences betweeen an Ashkenazy and Sefaradi are much greater that differences between diffierent chasidus. And that difference too is considered.
To say “why not” shows a lack of understanding in the different mesoros. It is not a matter of one being right and another being wrong, but they are different. And there are a number of cultural differences as well. These are all valid reasons why someone would not go out with Sefardi, Ashkenazy or Chosid and so on. And all that is obvious to anyone who appreciates mesorah.
I am not saying there cannot be fantastic shidduchim, however, it is not for everyone andi s not something that you shake off with “why not”.March 11, 2011 5:32 pm at 5:32 pm #749603RedNails19Participant
maybe.March 11, 2011 7:26 pm at 7:26 pm #749604mikehall12382Member
one word….Dafina…hmmmmmMarch 11, 2011 7:47 pm at 7:47 pm #749605whatelseisleftMember
my Persian friend said the boys are allowed to marry out and the girls MUST marry persians
go figureMarch 11, 2011 8:02 pm at 8:02 pm #749606
Grandmaster(“myfriend”), I meant theoretically speaking — if I needed to.
Nishtdayngesheft, it is when some people are too much into their very own mesora that it hurts the achdus of Klal Yisrael.March 11, 2011 8:22 pm at 8:22 pm #749608
Am I the only one who finds the way this was phrased slightly condescending? I may be overreacting but it seems that the title implies “should the superior ashkenazim condescend to go out with inferior sefardim?”March 11, 2011 8:32 pm at 8:32 pm #749609shev143Member
Absolutely, my Rov told me to always marry up.March 11, 2011 8:44 pm at 8:44 pm #749610SJSinNYCMember
If I were on the shidduch market (I’m happily married b”h), I would prefer not dating someone sefardic just because it would be a major adjustment both halachically and culturally.
It would be very hard for me to adjust to the davening, kitniyos etc I don’t think I’m clean enough to be a sefardi wife too 🙂
If I were a man, I think it would be less daunting because my minhagim wouldn’t change as significantly.
That being said, I do have quite a few relatives and friends who are happily married and the product of “mixed” marriages. So if I would have met a nice sefardi guy, I wouldn’t have let that stop me.March 11, 2011 8:53 pm at 8:53 pm #749611
nishtdayngesheft: Good points.
my Persian friend said the boys are allowed to marry out and the girls MUST marry persians
How will all the Persian girls be able to marry in, if some of the Persian boys are marrying out?March 11, 2011 9:07 pm at 9:07 pm #749612
IS: I don’t think so. It seems that OP is Ashkenazic or asking for an Ashkenazi friend. A Sefardi would phraise the question the same way, after switching the order.March 11, 2011 9:13 pm at 9:13 pm #749613
nishtdayngesheft: OK, I understand you better now. Thanks for the explanation.
I was taken aback on the name switch, so I saw it differently. My first comment containing my two cents, did say one should walk in with their eyes fully open. I don’t think he was suggesting that people should enter marriage without thinking it through properly, as with all shidduchim. IDK, he can answer for himself, if he so chooses.March 13, 2011 12:29 am at 12:29 am #749614whatelseisleftMember
thats what i was thinking…….March 13, 2011 1:21 am at 1:21 am #749615
U probly think so cuz u actually feel like a Superior Ashken…March 13, 2011 1:57 am at 1:57 am #749616
tbt: Could be, or maybe I’m just being over-sensitive in general.March 13, 2011 2:04 am at 2:04 am #749617aries2756Participant
Nope, the couples that i know and I have seen, I believe would have been better off otherwise.March 13, 2011 2:13 am at 2:13 am #749618jeffweiss11Member
Im Sy and Im married to A J-DUB-lifes good!March 13, 2011 3:05 am at 3:05 am #749619
IS: I think being sensitive or even ” over-sensitive” for other peoples feelings is a beautiful thing.March 13, 2011 3:06 am at 3:06 am #749621
always here: B”H its working out for themMarch 13, 2011 6:23 am at 6:23 am #749622williMember
Offhand I’d say no, due to the the major cultural differences. However, if a wonderful man came my way & he happened to be sephardi & everything else between us would be compatible then maybe I’d consider…March 13, 2011 11:38 am at 11:38 am #749623rebdonielMember
My mother is Ashkenazi and my father Sephardic. I have a hard time meeting anyone interested in even considering going out with me because I do not associate clearly with either community, although in my minhagim, I follow Minhag Ashkenaz, because my rebbeim hold I should follow Minhag Ashkenaz due to my circumstances.March 13, 2011 3:30 pm at 3:30 pm #749624passion4musicMember
First of all I just want to say-and we want to know what mashiach isn’t here yet?? “The food, the attitude” are u KIDDING???? I have soooo much to say right now but I am holding myself back VERY much. U can think whatever u want. Hashems so proud of this threadMarch 13, 2011 4:38 pm at 4:38 pm #749625
Passion- dont hold back… What xactly wer u referring to by “R u kidding???”March 14, 2011 6:31 am at 6:31 am #749626passion4musicMember
No ill hold back. Controlling my anger, and some other sins I’m sure. Its a good thing I can controll myself 🙂March 14, 2011 1:56 pm at 1:56 pm #749627
I ask because if u found something that angered u, u probly mis-understood. I am what we call “Rock’n Moroccan”-nothing negative was implied by “the attitude” (the food obviously not:)March 14, 2011 2:13 pm at 2:13 pm #749628nfgo3Member
I thought Hashem had a Bashert for each and every Jew. Does anyone think Hashem wants the Jewish people to be divided over minhagim, or food preferences, or pronunciation?March 14, 2011 2:18 pm at 2:18 pm #749629WolfishMusingsParticipant
No, I would not date a Sephardi…
… my wife won’t let me. 🙂
The WolfMarch 14, 2011 3:08 pm at 3:08 pm #749630
nfgo3: Must a girl who is 5′ 10″ date a guy who 4′ 10″? Do you think Hashem wants the Jewish people to be divided over height, or looks, or personalities?March 14, 2011 4:38 pm at 4:38 pm #749631
Truth be told, looks have to do directly with the marriage. There are other things which do not or ,at least, should not matter. Certain hakpodos come from midos ra’os. These midos ra’os are the root of the sinas chinam which keeps us in golus. The Gemora at the end of Ta’anis says the the day that different shvatim were allowed to intermarry is a yom tov!March 14, 2011 4:44 pm at 4:44 pm #749633
Passion4music, I”ll keep on shooting while you rest.March 14, 2011 4:57 pm at 4:57 pm #749634seagul47Member
There are many difficulties in a marriage and adjustments, add up differences in minhagim, yada yada, and you can get a toxic mix.
so why start.
it “may” work for a second marriage when the couple are less “demanding/mature/supple/flexible/whatever.”
I’m not saying it won’t work, but how many adjustments do you expect each to make to the other’s minhagim without resentment coming into play–resentment leads to fights etc.March 14, 2011 5:35 pm at 5:35 pm #749636
mdd: Food prefferences can directly affect a marriage. As can other differences.
But before you accuse me of sinas chinum, please read all my posts on this thread.
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