December 23, 2010 11:50 pm at 11:50 pm #593709
What is the average amount of boys the average Bais Yaakov girl goes out with in a given years time? What about the average learning boy?December 24, 2010 12:28 am at 12:28 am #721637
That depends greatly on a few factors. For a girl, the prettier, skinnier and richer she is the more dates she will have. I know people who go on 2 dates a year, (meaning 2 boys, could be more than 1 date each…) and some people who go out with 20 boys a year. It all depends…
Average learning boy I would say goes on about 25-30 dates a year- one every 2 weeks or so… but that’s just an estimate…December 24, 2010 12:58 am at 12:58 am #721638
I figured as much.December 24, 2010 4:06 am at 4:06 am #721639rockymountainsMember
Oh my gosh,is this for real? I have two sons planning on entering the’parsha” pesach time. 1 every two weeks? I’m guessing it will take me about 2 weeks to investigate (bad word choice but realistic)each girl so if it is 1 every 2 weeks how do you get anything else done? Is it okay to ask to talk to the girls friends rather than teachers I think they;ll give a clearer personality picture but don’t know if this is acceptable.December 24, 2010 4:48 am at 4:48 am #721640an ideaParticipant
Yes rocky it is completely ok to speak to friends but sometimes its difficult to really get a clear picture as well being that they are biased.December 24, 2010 5:44 am at 5:44 am #721641
From a guy in the Parsha; Guys do go out on more dates. From my experience, and this should be a chizuk to all girls, it doesn’t matter. I do go out often, but I don’t see it as a good or bad thing.
I recently went out with a girl, it was her first date in a year and a half. I felt bad when it didn’t work out for us, because who knows when her next date will be. She got engaged last week. Mazel Tov! So I ask you; who is better off? Me that went on a lot of dates over last year and a half, or her that is now engaged??
This past scenario occurred to me a few times since I’m in the Parsha.
Basically, Hashem has his reasons why everyone should go out the precise amount of times they do. Number of dates mean zero.
Just keep davening, and make each day count, don’t count the days.
In any case, the time it takes each side to do the research, set up the date, go out, wait in between, break before next is drawn out. Most guys do not go out every other week. I know tons of guys in the Parsha. We aren’t serial daters. B”h we have lives. . .December 24, 2010 8:14 am at 8:14 am #721642i am hereMember
what do u mean? of course the teacher does not necessarily know the girl as much as her friends do, please get references from the friendsDecember 24, 2010 2:06 pm at 2:06 pm #721643tzippiMember
Presumably, if a teacher’s on the reference list there might still be a kesher, or a personal kesher to the family. Ask the teacher if her information is old or current. Ask the teacher for names of friends.
And find some IRL people – older friends who’ve been through this, a friendly rebbetzin – for concrete hadracha on how to do background checks.
And when you need a good laugh, track down the CSI:Shidduchim video.December 24, 2010 2:15 pm at 2:15 pm #721644popa_bar_abbaParticipant
For girls, it varies greatly, and often for no discernible reason.
A normal learning boy has as many dates as he wants.December 24, 2010 3:12 pm at 3:12 pm #721645
And also forgot about the last point. Always speak to a few friends. The married ones are generally more honest, but either way, after speaking to a few people u’ll get a dood general picture.
You have to get used to reading between lines and realize which points people are not talking about. It’s also a big skill how to ask the questions and which to ask. (Maybe i’ll start a thread next week, good questions to ask). Enjoy, and yes enjoy the quiet time, because with 2 boys in the market. . .December 24, 2010 4:21 pm at 4:21 pm #721646
my numbers were just estimates. My point was that a learning boy has a list the length of a megillah, and as soon as one girl is nixed, it’s on to the next one on the list.
For some reason, I don’t pity you. Being a mother of two girls in the parsha is far more stressful, though it may mean less hours of checking out.
I hear what you are saying… having more dates does not guarantee that you will find the right one any faster.
But I can tell you from experience, waiting at home for the phone to ring is not a very good feeling at all. At least boys do not have that nisayon…December 24, 2010 5:50 pm at 5:50 pm #721647
But you get to your Bashert quicker…for example if a girl and boy are meant to get engaged to the 10th one it will take the boy approximately 15-20 weeks and a girl about 1 1.2 to 2 years to get to the 10th one…December 24, 2010 6:04 pm at 6:04 pm #721648rockymountainsMember
pumper, When my daughter finishes Sem in June I’m hoping not to have 3 in the parsha at once. Why are girls less checking then the boys? Is it less as less dates to check out or less question to ask for boys ? My boys have not lived at home for years now but are more then happy to have my input my daughter on the other hand… I guess the only real answer is davening?December 24, 2010 6:49 pm at 6:49 pm #721649
I think there is usually less checking on the girls side because the reality is that girls have to be less picky. A boy has a long list of amazing girls that are all more than willing to go out with him at any time. They have the luxury of being picky, and looking for the best of everything, because chances are they can get whatever they want.
I like to joke sometimes that if the boy is alive and breathing, that’s about all I have to know in order to date him.
Of course, like you said, the only solution is davening. Whenever I get stressed out from this whole process I remind myself that whenever Hashem wants me to meet my bashert, nothing is going to hold it back from happening. It really helps to put things into perspective!December 26, 2010 7:27 am at 7:27 am #721650
Pumper; Ur 100 percent right. I do think about that all the time. I can’t imagine the feelings. I daven with heartfelt tears on a constant basis for any girl in the Parsha. I wish there was more I can do about it. I guess just keep on trying to think of more idea’s for girls I know or have dated.
Mom Of a few; I don’t know how Hashem works, but I disagree with you. I think that Hashem has the perfect time when each person is ready. I doubt he goes by the number of girls you must date before then.
I realize now that although it would have been nice to be married 2 years ago, I think honestly that I wasn’t really ready then.
Iy”h everyone on this thread should find their right Zivug in the right time.December 26, 2010 5:00 pm at 5:00 pm #721651
I think that your perspective is rare for a guy currently in the dating scene. From what I have seen and heard, guys in the parsha feel that everything is coming to them. It is refreshing to hear that you feel for the other side as well.
Thank you for your genuine tefillos! In this situation, all tefillos are welcome!December 27, 2010 12:52 am at 12:52 am #721652
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.