Bar Mitzvah Invitations

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    Chaim Shulem

    My son who’s going to have his bar mitzvah in a few months is upset because he wanted us to get these fancy invitations to use that cost a fortune. And I said there’s nothing wrong with regular, standard invitations. He won’t hear of it, and he said all his classmates have fancy ones and he’s going to look like a nebach..

    What would you do? Should I just go ahead and get the fancy ones so he feels better?


    Why not give him the option of paying the difference himself? If he doesn’t have the money, he can borrow from you and pay you back from the gifts he’ll recieve.


    NO. You’re becoming a bar mitzvah. You’re maturing. You don’t need and shouldn’t receive like others have. If you must have the nonsense and wastefulness like others have, then you can pay for the difference with your bar mitzvah gift money

    ☕️coffee addict

    should I respond?


    A few weeks ago my kid wanted a certain food for lunch because his friends were bringing it. (The food was not in our budget for lunch) I told him he could buy it with his own money, which he did. He only did it once, and he never asked again. I think that once he needed to buy it, he realized it’s not so worth it.


    We have 6 boys over the age of bar mitzvah. There input in the invitation was the same as mine 45 years ago……0%.


    Use an email invitation. These are becoming very common in EY, and save a lot of waste.


    My suggestion:
    Tell him you will order the standard invitations, but the “savings” will be donated to a tzedakah of the boy’s choice.
    Win in chinuch, win in mitzvos. Same price.


    We recently received a bar mitzvah invitation via email with an attached recording by a badchen containing a short and cute musical invite to the simcha. Great idea original and probably cost a fraction of fancy stationary style invitations with silk ties.


    Tell him the invitations all end up in the trash (except for the few saved by parents and grandparents) and it is literally thrown out money.
    Fewer, envelopes, inserts, tissues, etc. are better for the environment.


    GH: i am not sure you know the cost of a badchan.

    The little I know

    Typical matter of confusing needs and wants. Yes, it’s normal. But, yes, it’s unhealthy. Part of being a gadol, as in being obligated in mitzvos, is maturing to be able to better distinguish between needs and wants.

    The other matter is the jealousy factor – needing something because others have it. Teach midos.


    Fancy invitations are not needed. Good opportunity to teach prohibition against coveting other people’s possessions.


    Lowertuition: I definitely do know the cost of an established “badchan”. In this case, it was NOT one of the real well-known performer but someone the family engaged to do a “badchan type” recording touting the BM bochur’s great attributes and inviting the guests to join in the simcha. Definitely was a low-budget effort, assuming they even paid for the recording. Sorry if I implied they hired a big name


    People still send invitations thru the mail?


    How are the bar mitzvah plans coming along, still discussing the invitations?


    when it was my sons bar mitzvah a few years ago he really wanted the invitation that was so so out of our budget. so i told him he could have fancy invitation or fancy party. he picked fancy invitations but later after we sent them he chaped that it was more worth it to get the fancy party. so we let him switch and we resent the less fancy invitations. my advice to you is to give your son like a choice kinda of type of thing.

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