Best Proposal Stories

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  • #594113
    miamigirl613
    Member

    What are the best proposal stories that you’ve heard and how would you ultimately propose if you have’t yet?

    #728211
    boredstiff
    Participant

    You started a post about stories, but you didnt even post one?!

    Well, recently there was a proposal on youtube- it was insane!( Wondering if anyone here knows which one I’m talking abt.)

    #728213
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    I think an elaborate proposal is a cop out from having to actually express your feelings.

    #728214
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    While I’m a *big* believer in romantic guestures and all that, for Eees and I, it was very simple.

    We were celebrating the anniversary of the day that we met (a day we still celebrate in addition to our wedding anniversary date). I brought over a bottle of champagne and we were going to have a small low-key celebration. Instead, I brought over the champagne and a ring*. We sat on the couch, I told her that I was so happy that she had come into my life, and that I couldn’t imagine life without her and that I was hoping she’d choose to spend the rest of it with me.

    That was it.

    The Wolf

    * Actually, I didn’t have an engagement ring ready then — but I didn’t want to let the occasion pass. So, I bought a candy ring. Eeees is probably the only person I know who ate her engagement ring. 🙂 Yes, we got a real engagement ring later on.

    #728215
    Sender Av
    Member

    BoredStiff, are you talking about a frum proposal or a goyisha one?

    I remember seeing one (a frum one) where the girl loved shopping at target and her chosson got them to play some chevra song on all the tvs in the electronics section and had her friend bring her to target.When she got to the electronics section he rolled(a cart) over to her with flowers and a ring. I dont think she even noticed the video. It was real cheesy. I apologize if the guy who did this is reading this(it was still “smart and original”. On a similar note I remember one of my sister’s friends saying she thought it was so romantic to be proposed to in a walmart(as that is where she would most likely go on her first date).

    #728216
    crdle
    Member

    boredstiff- r u talking about that frum guy who made a whole video with a guitar for the girl?

    #728217
    Sender Av
    Member

    Wolf, that is actually my plan(the ring part). I hope they still make those chocolate rings from Israel when I meet someone and am ready to get married…and I will probably eat the ring myself before she gets to it.

    #728218
    yaff80
    Participant

    Isnt giving a ring direct, a problem of kesef kidushin?

    #728219
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    I always wondered that.

    A guy says, “will you marry me”

    she says, “yes”

    He gives her a ring.

    If there were eidim, how are they not married?

    #728220
    dunno
    Member

    Don’t you also have to say “harei at mekudeshes…” for it to be considered kiddushin?

    #728221
    Mevakesh1
    Member

    popa_bar_abba – In response to your question, yes the boy is not allowed to hand her the ring. When I got engaged (B”H I’m married now with a few kids KA”H) my Chosson put the ring down – didn’t actually hand it to me. He also reminded me that it’s not Kiddushin. (He actually had it waiting for me in the car when he came to pick me up…)

    #728222
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Not really.

    The gemara says if they were “asukin b’oso inyan” and he gave it to her, there is kiddushin.

    #728223
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    Isnt giving a ring direct, a problem of kesef kidushin?

    In my case, the matter is now academic.

    In any event, can it be said that it is kesef kiddushin when both parties know and understand that it’s not and that there will be an actual kiddushin later on?

    In other words, if both parties agree that the ring is NOT for kiddushin, then how could you possibly say that it is?

    The Wolf

    #728224
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Wolf:

    The issue would be that if they manifested an intention of kiddushin, we would probably say that the actual intention is irrelevant since “devarim shebileiv einum devarim”.

    Now, I suppose you might argue that here everyone knows that this manifestation of kiddushin is not real- and that makes it not a manifestation. Maybe it is like if they are actors in a play. I wonder what the halacha in such a case.

    #728225
    dunno
    Member

    I second Wolf’s question.

    #728226
    frumladygit
    Member

    Acutally I don’t know how I ended up marrying my husband as he officially never did ask me to. LOL

    I guess being in shidduchim we both knew we weren’t interviewing one another for prospective housecleaning positions! But rather for husband and wife purposes.

    Maybe I should mention that to him tonight? He still has yet to propose? Is proposing like the non jews do it the norm in the frum world? : Guy gets down on one knee and says: “Jenny will you be my wife”?

    #728227
    gavra_at_work
    Participant

    Aidim.

    If the proposal is done in private, or even with only family there, there are no aidim and there are no questions; it CAN NOT be for Kiddushin.

    Alt: If the ring has a stone, we Paskin it can not be used for Kiddushin as is (see Keddushin 7b-8a).

    #728228
    gavra_at_work
    Participant

    PBA: In your example, they are married (assuming the ring did not have a stone). L’Chorah, they would not be belived that they did not want to get married at the time (due to D’varim Sheb’lev).

    Another simple way out is to ask a relative to be an Aid, thereby Passuling the Keddushin. Ask your LOR for actual details.

    #728229
    aries2756
    Participant

    It is pretty customary these days that the boy gives the girl a bracelet when he proposes. It is a token gift. The ring is usually given beofore the “vort”.

    #728230
    Poster
    Member

    eclipse, I actually think a Dvar Torah is a very nice way of proposing. My husband didnt propose since it is not done in our circles. (We go through a shadchan)

    #728231
    smartcookie
    Member

    A diamond ring isn’t really for Kedushin. A Kedushin ring has to be a lot cheaper.

    #728233
    Brooklyn Yenta
    Participant

    boredstiff: the one with the maccabeats?

    #728234
    eclipse
    Member

    Poster–It took me awhile to get what he meant.

    #728235

    boredstiff-the chava mindel maccabeats one?

    #728236
    cshapiro
    Member

    its actually chavi and yossi…i know them, and i think it was very cute…smile E. btw, her name is chava raizel

    #728237

    my bad:) my friend told me about it and i watched it at her house, but i can’t say that i was really paying attn…

    #728238
    bein_hasdorim
    Participant

    The guy took her sky diving… They get to the open door, the guy as he’s jumping out shouts “I can’t think of anyone i’d rather take the plunge with.”

    The girl looks out and says to herself “I can’t think of anyone I would take this plunge with!” They didn’t end up together.

    #728240
    eclipse
    Member

    mods…thanks:)

    #728241
    Gabboim
    Member

    The maccabeats proposal had eidim, so why wasn’t the marriage consummated then and there?

    bein_hasdorim, is that story a joke?

    #728242
    oomis
    Participant

    I would think that giving an engagement ring is not the same, because there is no kavanah that this is a kiddushin, only an engagement.

    #728243
    SJSinNYC
    Member

    I don’t know if this is an urban legend or not. When I was around 10 years old I hear it.

    There was a school play and they had a “marriage” scene. Two kids, over bar/bat mitzvah went up, said Harei at with others around and he handed her a ring. It was part of the plot. What I heard was it was paskened as a real wedding and they had to get an actual divorce of sorts…but there was no yichud afterwards so I don’t know how it actually went down.

    #728244

    yeah.

    whats the deal with that?

    i’ve heard it a bunch of times before– and then the girl can’t marry a kohen or anything?

    does anyone have any backing of that?

    #728246
    Yatzmich
    Member

    I don’t know why people don’t take the “Chashash Kidushin” more seriously. Would you play with a light switch on Shabbos? Of course not. Kiddushin is 1,000,000 times more serious. If you are proposing, stay away from the ring or anything that remotely looks like you are making a real kidushin. Please, don’t mess up, the ramifications could be for generations.

    About that story, yes it’s true, it happened MANY years ago, and I think it was Rav Moshe Z”TL who paskened that the boy has to give her a get to remove all Chashoshos.

    Boys, if your man enough to get married, then “man up,” and ask the question, “Will you marry me?” You can get videos and get the waiters to do all types of things and spend lots of money, but you’re not a man unless you ask it yourself.

    #728247
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    I don’t know why people don’t take the “Chashash Kidushin” more seriously. Would you play with a light switch on Shabbos? Of course not. Kiddushin is 1,000,000 times more serious. If you are proposing, stay away from the ring or anything that remotely looks like you are making a real kidushin. Please, don’t mess up, the ramifications could be for generations.

    Please address my question above. If both parties know and understand that the ring is not for kiddushin, why would you think there is a possibility that it’s a valid kiddushin.

    I gave my niece a birthday present last year. Do you think I’m married to her because I didn’t explicitly say “this isn’t for kiddushin?” After all, we both knew that it wasn’t for kiddushin, even though we didn’t say it.

    The Wolf

    #728248
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Wolf:

    It seems more complicated than that.

    Firstly, devarim she’b’leiv einum devarim, so if you manifest kiddushin it is irrelevant what you actually thought.

    Secondly, if the couple was “assukin b’oso inyan” (of marriage), the gemara says we assume the money was given for kiddushin and accepted for kiddushin.

    So, you were presumably not talking about marrying your niece. If you were, it would present a similar difficulty.

    I think the main question here probably is whether we can say it was not kiddushin when everyone knows it is not kiddushin despite that the classic manifestation is present.

    #728249
    Gabboim
    Member

    Let’s say the proposal was a kiddushin. Then they have a chuppa 3 months later. What is the problem with the proposal/kiddushin?

    #728250
    Bob Squappstien
    Participant

    Gabboim: If he gave her the ring in a way that would be kiddushin, and they subsequently broke off their engagement, he would need to give her a get. She would never be able to marry a Kohen after that. Pretty serious if you ask me. But that doesn’t mean that anyone who proposed in front of a crowd would suddenly be married.

    BTW, my proposal was insanely awesome, it took abt 15 minutes, on the bank of a quiet lake at sunset. It was in middle of a lightening storm, and right when I popped the question, a big bolt of lightening streaked from the sky till the lake. It started pouring abt 30 seconds later.

    #728251

    Bob amazing story what an Earth Shatter Moment.

    #728252
    Poster
    Member

    I know of a guy that took his date to a car wash. And at the end, the car wash guy held up a towel that said, “Will you marry me.”

    Maybe bec it is not done in my circles, it seems childish to me. Marriage is a serious thing, not a contest of who can come up with the most creative way of breaking it out! IMO, save your creativity for your first anniversary, at that time, make the wackiest, most romantic, funfilled shtick, that you can treaure as a married couple.

    #728253
    oomis
    Participant

    If there were eidim, how are they not married”

    What – no kesubah???

    #728254
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    What – no kesubah???

    The lack of a kesubah does not invalidate the marriage, nor does it prevent one from taking place. If your kesubah gets lost, you are required to get a new one, but in the interim you are still 100% married.

    Furthermore, a kesubah is only required from the nesuin onward. It is not required for kiddushin at all.

    The Wolf

    #728255
    s2021
    Member

    Guy asks girl to marry him

    Girl doesnt know what to say… and notices the fine piece of jewlery he is holding out…and reacts..”for that-YEAH!”

    it didnt work out

    #728256
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    Firstly, devarim she’b’leiv einum devarim, so if you manifest kiddushin it is irrelevant what you actually thought.

    Secondly, if the couple was “assukin b’oso inyan” (of marriage), the gemara says we assume the money was given for kiddushin and accepted for kiddushin.

    It’s also entirely possible that that’s the case only because that was the social convention at the time. As such, the bride and observers would have good reason to think the ring is being given for kiddushin.

    Nowadays, however, the social convention is that everyone knows and understands that kiddushin takes place at the actual wedding itself. She knows it, he knows it and anyone observing it knows it. I still fail to see how it could be a kiddushin when neither party wants it to be one and neither party made any verbal declaration that it should be one.

    The Wolf

    #728257
    Sam2
    Participant

    You guys are leaving out a second half of the discussion. Devorim Sheb’leiv Uv’leiv Kol Adam do count. Since everyone knows that it is customary nowadays to give a ring to a girl upon reaching an agreement to get married at a later date and that no one ever has in mind to accomplish Kiddushin by that giving of the ring, there should not be Kiddushin in such a case, even if two Kosher Eidim were present.

    #728258
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Wolf and Sam:

    You are saying much the same thing, Sam has the actual codification of the rule.

    That sounds pretty good to me.

    #728259
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    Yep. Sam said it much better than I.

    The Wolf

    #728260
    Sam2
    Participant

    Sorry Wolf. I started writing my post before yours came up. I wasn’t trying to steal your idea or anything.

    #728261
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    Sorry Wolf. I started writing my post before yours came up. I wasn’t trying to steal your idea or anything.

    Don’t apologize. You did well… and you expressed the idea far better than I did.

    The Wolf

    #728262
    Gabboim
    Member

    “Since everyone knows that it is customary nowadays to give a ring to a girl upon reaching an agreement to get married at a later date and that no one ever has in mind to accomplish Kiddushin by that giving of the ring”

    Sam2: It isn’t customary by Jews to give a ring by the proposal. (Maybe it is by non-Jews.) The custom is to give a bracelet then.

    #728263

    Rabbi Miller, tz’l was asked what the mekor was for giving a diamond ring for the engagement.

    he said: “the jewelers”

    he did say though that there is a mekor for giving a gift in the Gemorrah

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