better to be ignored or hated?

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  • #597039
    nottelling
    Member

    No – I’m not new to the cr. I’m just using a different name. When I explain this thread, you’ll see why i chose not to use my regular screen name.

    Many times in life and yes even on the cr, i feel invisible/ignored. it’s a horrible feeling. there were times i’ve asked the mods a question and never received an answer. i’ve written on serious threads and on funny ones and rarely ever get a response. ouch! i know i’m not as articulate or even as worldly or wise as other posters but it still hurts. yes – i guess i’m really sensitive.

    then there was one thread on which i posted and guess what? ppl got angry with me. i certainly didn’t mean to antagonize anyone. seems i’m always in a lose/lose situation.

    ok – got that off my chest. no it doesn’t really feel better.

    MODERATORS DO NOT WORK HERE FULL TIME AND CANNOT ALWAYS TAKE THE TIME TO RESPOND TO POSTERS. BUT WE DID RESPOND THIS TIME, SEE?!

    #771854
    ZeesKite
    Participant

    Are you accusing ME of ignoring you?? Not entirely sure you want me responding to anything ‘postworthy’ you write.

    P.S. Liven up (a drop). We all feel like that one time or other. Some people are social geniuses. They’re popular on contact. Others, well, just don’t make it. Yep, I’m one of them, (actually the leader!) So what? We have to do Ratzon HaShem, we’re not here for popular votes. Actually, at times it’s a bit easier not to be bogged down with social pressures.

    #771855

    I dont think anyone means to ignore you. People just get so wrapped up in the thread and in the point they are trying to make. Also not necessarily does the person you ask something always see your post.

    #771856
    gavra_at_work
    Participant

    ignored

    #771857
    always here
    Participant

    did I write this under another screen name? hmmm, I think so.

    #771858
    apushatayid
    Participant

    “Many times in life and yes even on the cr, i feel invisible/ignored.”

    Forget how you feel in cyberspace for a moment. If you truly feel this way in reality, then you should seek guidance about your self esteem, or lack thereof.

    #771859

    nottelling-

    First of all, I can assure you that you’re not c”v hated. No one here is.

    They may simply not need a response, as is the case if you make a point others agree with.

    #771860
    adorable
    Participant

    i think if you are ignored its harder but if you are hated at least you know they know that you exist. not sure what is better though but in the CR for sure you cannot get insulted because no one knows you personally so they are not hating “you” but just hating your opinion!

    #771861
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    I agree with ICOT, often a post is read and digested, but there’s no need for a response.

    #771862
    ☕️coffee addict
    Participant

    always, you think you’re being ignored?

    look at healths comments on you

    I think I’ve commented on you before

    I don’t ignore ANYBODY

    #771863
    nottelling
    Member

    Zeeskite – chas v’shalom – no i’m not referring to you or anyone in particular- just in general. actually, i think you have responded to some of my posts. also – yes – i do realize this is not a popularity contest. like i said in my op – i’m just very sensitve – perhaps too sensitive for my own good.

    apushatayid – i kinda figured i’d get advice to seek guidance especially since i wrote that i feel this way in life too. i appreciate your advice but i don’t think my self esteem is that bad. i just guess we all get carried away sometimes with our feelings.

    icot – thanks for assuring me that i’m not hated. 🙂

    always here – LOL

    thanks to all the posters for responding.

    so now i just have to decide – do i keep my boring sn and (i guess) boring posts? do i change it to a really interesting/strange/eye-opener? or should i just post real controvertial posts? hmmmmm. gotta think about that 😉

    #771864
    adorable
    Participant

    i am also too sensitive for my own good but I try to work on it and think that ppl dont want to be mean to me they just might not realize what bothers me…you have to learn to toughen up!

    #771865
    zaidy78
    Participant

    Winston Churchill once said, “I don’t care if you talk good about me, or talk bad about me…Just talk about me!!”

    #771866
    always here
    Participant

    nottelling~ I have a feeling that I know who you are.. a sensitive soul like myself… the difference is that I don’t feel ignored IRL.

    I would say there is literally less than a handful of posters who respond to my posts. sometimes I feel like posting again a little further down in a thread, signing myself as ‘chopped liver’. truthfully, I felt ostracized since my posts on smoking. I’m just sayin’…

    nottelling~ I think you should keep your regular SN. 🙂

    #771867
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    so now i just have to decide – do i keep my boring sn and (i guess) boring posts? do i change it to a really interesting/strange/eye-opener? or should i just post real controvertial posts? hmmmmm. gotta think about that 😉

    What’s wrong with the one you have? I like the name Pac-Man! ?

    #771868

    “What’s wrong with the one you have? I like the name Pac-Man!”

    Pac-Man? Naah. Nottelling is definitely not Pac Man.

    #771869
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    I was kidding. It’s popa_bar_abba.

    #771870
    ☕ DaasYochid ☕
    Participant

    truthfully, I felt ostracized since my posts on smoking.

    Why, what did you write?

    #771871

    Do you think so? Not his style. If yes, then I was fooled.

    #771872

    nottelling: I read most posts here but don’t post much. When I do post, many of my posts go un-acknowledged. That doesn’t mean they are ignored, and I don’t take it that way. Of course, it always feels good to get a response, but don’t take no response to mean ignored.

    As for ‘feeling hated’, when a poster argues with you, that does not mean he/she hates you, all it means it that they simply disagree with your post.

    #771873
    nottelling
    Member

    Daas Yochid – good sense of humor. hmm – am i Pac-Man? I’m “not telling” 😉

    adorable and always here – thanks for ur posts. it’s good to know that others sometimes feel somewhat the same way as you.

    hey – i’m feeling better already! though i wonder how i’ll feel when i post on my old sn. maybe i’ll just keep using this one. my! my! decisions! decisions!

    #771874
    nottelling
    Member

    MODS: thanks for responding this time 🙂

    #771875
    wanderingchana
    Participant

    I think I will go out on a limb and commiserate with you. Sometimes I feel the same, esp. when I kill a thread (but I know I’m in good company on that one, LOL). When I start feeling that way about the CR, I kind of stop and examine my reasons for reading and posting here. It’s not my post-BT nature to try to be the life of the party when among acquaintances. I try to remember that people most likely did read my post, and hopefully someone got something out of it, even if they didn’t post as much.

    As to your original question – better to be ignored…

    #771876
    always here
    Participant

    Daas Yochid~ ‘Why, what did you write?’

    thank you for your response 🙂

    I wrote strongly about how smoking is an addiction, etc., etc.’

    #771877
    nottelling
    Member

    chocandpatience – i realize that if someone disagrees with my opinion, it doesn’t mean they hate me. but this particular poster (and actually another one as well) were actually kinda mean – at least i took it that way. it was more than just one post. anyway, i guess i’m over that.

    wanderingchana- thanks for comiserating. yes – it’s good to be in good company 🙂

    daas – how’d ya guess? yup i’m popa – not. 😉

    always – somehow i missed the smoking post. maybe i can still find it. but anyway – i just want to say – i can’t stand the smell of smoking! it also bothers me cuz second hand smoke is so dangerous. i do however realize it’s very hard to quit – but that’s for the other thread – not here.

    #771878
    s2021
    Member

    hated

    #771879
    goldenkint
    Member

    i often go back to a thread to see if anyone replied to my post or reacted at all .sometimes its yes, more often no. unless what you said requires a response its generally no. be glad your posts are not responded to. i think that the responses are needed when you are strongly disagreed with or when someone really needs advice, otherwise why respond specifically. its really late for me and i’m trying to be helpful. i hope its not too incoherent.

    #771880
    adorable
    Participant

    i see that i am the last poster on a couple of threads here….just making me think…

    #771881
    gefen
    Participant

    adorable – now ur not the last poster here (at least for now) 🙂

    if you want the honor back, i guess we can keep posting back and forth till one of us gets tired. 😉

    nottelling – i hear ya – i, too, had an issue with a couple of posters. i felt they were quite rude to me. no they don’t personally know me, but it still bothers me that they could say certain things.

    guess that’s the chance we take when expressing an opinion. though i do believe we should still be mentchlich to one another.

    as far as being ignored, i’ve had that too. but like the others said, sometimes what you say doesn’t need a response. not everyone here can be the life of the party. there are a few who seem to be quite popular. the rest of us can enjoy being out of the spot light and just reading all the interesting posts.

    #771882
    ZeesKite
    Participant

    Don’t feel bad. So many of my posts have ended and gone on to oblivion. (really?)

    #771883
    HaLeiVi
    Participant

    Some of my threads have sunk to the second-to-bottom page. (People sometimes look at the last page, but nothing’s worse than second-to-bottom.)

    A thread killer is someone who put it so well that there is nothing else left to say. At least that’s the way I take it.

    Like I wrote on the ‘like button’ thread, many times there are comments that I agree with very much, or that make me smile. However, I won’t post a comment consisting of just, ‘LOL’. If there is what to add or refine or argue, I’d comment.

    Keep in mind that nothing goes unnoticed. Notice that nobody repeats what you write. That’s because they read it!

    #771884
    ☕️coffee addict
    Participant

    HaLeivi,

    unless it’s on word game

    #771885
    nottelling
    Member

    always here “nottelling~ I have a feeling that I know who you are.. a sensitive soul like myself… ” do you mean that you really think you know my other sn or ur just saying that i am a sensitive soul like urself?

    hi goldenkint – not to make u feel unloved but i don’t think i ever saw ur name here before. but coming from me that doesn’t mean much – my memory doesn’t work so well – so plz don’t be insulted. nice to meet you now.

    i gotta say – i’m enjoying this thread! it’s light, friendly, no arguments and i learned a lot. thanks everyone.

    #771886
    always here
    Participant

    nottelling~ I thought I knew who you are (SN).. but now I’m thrown off cuz you’re calling me by my whole name 😉

    #771887
    nottelling
    Member

    always – i guess i’m not very consistent. 😉

    are you allowed to say who you think i am? i’m so curious. though i have a feeling you won’t get it right. i’m not the first person that one would think of.

    #771888
    kapusta
    Participant

    I know the feeling. But naturally some posts come right before or after a very exciting comment (very funny/something heated etc) or a very popular thread is keeping people busy so slowly they fall to the bottom of the page… There are also some comments that won’t get any responses because they don’t get anyone riled up enough to respond. As far as comments directed at specific people, I (don’t know about other people) only read the main CR page so if it “fell off” I probably wouldn’t notice it unless someone brought up the thread again.

    I have no idea who you are. I hope I did not hurt you in any way, and I ask mechila if I did. IRL (and here) my personality is the “blend in” type. Its a little annoying sometimes, but ya learn to get over it 😉

    (There are several posters here who I don’t remember ever acknowledging but I very much enjoy their posts. Just because a post didn’t “make waves” doesn’t mean it went unnoticed.)

    *kapusta*

    #771889
    goldenkint
    Member

    thanks for the welcome. i barely have computer time so i just login every week or less and dont always comment. but i do like to read whats written. im more of a guest than part of the gang

    #771890
    Health
    Participant

    I think in a CR it’s next to impossible to hate or ignore the person. Yes, you can do that to their posts, but not to that person because you really can’t know that person until you know them in real life. In real life, it usually happens that you first hate the person and then you ignore them.

    #771891
    nottelling
    Member

    Kapusta – nope you did nothing to hurt me. also, i really appreciate your post.

    health – i get what ur saying.

    again – thanks to all the posters here.

    can’t wait to hear who always thinks i am 😉

    k – have a good night

    #771892
    observanteen
    Member

    Hello, chill out everyone. We don’t know each other. We don’t have one on one conversations. People do read what you write. Sometimes there’s isn’t much to say. Boy, when I first joined the CR, I was insulted whenever I felt “ignored” or “hated”. NOBODY knows you!!! Okay?? You may as well be their mother /friend/ daughter!!

    I too am a “sensitive soul”. Believe me, it gets me NOWHERE!!! I learnt to straighten my back and feel confident with myself. I don’t think every poster must respond to my every post.

    Okay… I mean, I still enjoy a response:)

    Calm down, ‘kay???

    BTW, I hope it wasn’t me who “hated” or “ignored” you. Sorry if it were. But I certainly didn’t ignore you now! My post’s pretty long….(thanks to the late hour… Guess I’m off to bed b4 I start gettin’ wacky…;))

    #771893
    always here
    Participant

    nottelling~ as I said: you calling me by my complete SN threw me off… I don’t wanna embarrass myself now with an incorrect guess 😉

    #771894

    Hi. Thank you for starting this thread. Are we here to air our opinions or are we here to be noticed and we hope, liked? Both.

    You can never judge how your posts will be taken, though, and how you will be judged by them. Once i posted something i thought was a pareve, somewhat amusing reflection of my feelings, and it was misinterpreted as a not-very-subtle attack on a segment of our community. If you were one of those insulted, I still sincerely apologize, but that reaction stunned me. It was so far from my intention. I felt like throwing up when i read the answering posts and my fingers were shaking so much when i answered they typed every letter three times.

    Always here, i think of you fondly every time i see your sn because you were sympathetic to me.

    So i cut down on my posts and try to be even more pareve. Except for limericks. There if anyone insults my rhyme, i can just post a better one in return. Try it! 🙂

    #771895
    nottelling
    Member

    observateen – don’t worry – i’m chilled. i just had to express my opinion. it’s comforting to hear everyone’s posts here. yes i know that NOBODY knows me (actually that’s not so true – i do know a few posters and they know me – but they’re not the ones with whom i had a problem) anyway – no you didn’t do anything to me.

    let me explain the ignoring part – it’s not specific ppl that i have a taana to for not responding. i don’t expect to get a response to EVERY comment FROM every poster. that would be ridiculous! i was just saying that i rarely if ever have gotten comments even on posts that i THOUGHT would get a response. am i making sense?

    as far as feeling “hated” – as i said, i recently had an issue with a specific poster and even though he/she does not know me personally, i couldn’t help but feel offended.

    that’s all – i’m calm, cool, and collected. all is well B”H

    #771896
    always here
    Participant

    ursula momish~ =]

    coffee addict~ sorry I didn’t respond earlier to your post, which is true. Health usually has plenty to say to me 😉

    #771897
    nottelling
    Member

    ursula – i see i’m not the only one who takes things personally. i’m sure you realize as well as i do, that the posters who attacked you don’t know who you are – but it still didn’t feel good. right? it must have felt really horrible to have been taken the wrong way – especially when you thought you were posting parve. i felt the same way – i was just expressing my opinion – trying to explain where i was coming from – but still it was taken the wrong way by some ppl. i felt they just didn’t understand what i was saying and refused to hear my explanations.

    yeah – i like the limericks and jokes threads – also the funny shidduch stories. those are at least fun and non-confrontational. so be happy and smile and post more limericks 🙂 (yes – i still want to hear your opinions too)

    #771898

    Thanks, nottelling. I have to sign out now and get to work on my chores, but remember there are many posters thinking nicely of you out here!

    Enjoy the day, all.

    #771899
    kapusta
    Participant

    nottelling: Do I know you? (under your real SN)

    And did you take a little break from the CR?

    *kapusta*

    #771900
    nottelling
    Member

    kapusta: I don’t know if you know me. I don’t always post but no, I didn’t take a break from the cr.

    #771901
    am yisrael chai
    Participant

    DY “often a post is read and digested, but there’s no need for a response.”

    The OP is telling you that he/she does have a need for a response.

    #771902
    BSD
    Member

    nottelling-I agree with you that feeling invisible is aweful, however popularity is not the measure of a man (or a woman). Are you kind and caring(it sounds like you are) do you brighten some ones day? that is what separates the men (and woman) from the boys (and…) That is all you take with you. Having said that, the CR may be a good place to observe… who gets responses, and why. Which posts do you respect and feel like responding to, and which don’t you. And you can apply what you learn to real life as well. An interesting SN is helpful-why not use all the tools at your disposal. Especially since you claim that you have henceforth(is that the right word?) gone unnoticed. Why not continue with nottelling-that’s pretty creative.

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