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My best friend just got engaged and its very hard for me, as she is totally in the clouds and all she talks about is the fact that she is engaged etc….Any body have any ideas of how i can make the best of my situation?
If its really terrible, try mentioning s/th to her in a nice way without making her feel bad or clamming up when you’re around
i know exactly how you feel my best friend got married a few months ago and it was so hard! she moved away and we hardly get to see eachother. there is really nothing i can tell you besides that seeing her so happy made it all worthwhile. my best fruiend made a point of introducing me to her chosson before they got engaged and told him how close we are and bh he is a great guy and he understands how we need eachother. we make a point of talking before shabbos and we text all the time just to say hi and we bith know that even tough we dont see eachother we are always thinking about the other. im not gona lie.. its hard but again… just kee p thinking how happy she is and it makes it so much easier!
good luck!!!
STILLSINGLE-
What every new chosson and kalah want more than almost anything else is for their single not-yet-engaged friends to become engaged and experience the simcha that they are.
Just imagine what your thoughts and feelings toward your friend would be if the situation was reversed.
Although it’s 100% normal to feel bad in your situation, keeping the above two thoughts in mind will hopefully improve your matzav ruach.
I agree that the kalah should probably be made aware that she’s (unintentionally) hurting others – possibly a third-party married friend can mention to her that she should tone it down around singles.
May you need a new SN bekarov.
go and do some of her shopping with her help her in every way you can and want be carefull not to go overboard!!!!
Just rememeber: one day soon, you’ll be in her shoes, so make note of the happiness, as your share is right around the corner.
When its your turn, the hurt will melt away. Just hang in there!
One thing I remember from my daughter’s shidduch days was that a group of three girls would get together and each one would daven for another till they were all engaged. It is a segula for one to be makabel to daven for someone else in their situation. Please have this in mind.
Being happy and excited for your friend will open the rachmonus Hashem has for you and bring your shidduch sooner. Every shidduch must happen with the right one at the right time. “The right time” being the emphasis. My daughter-in-law just told me about a girl in my daughter’s class who just got engaged. She is 33 and had gone out with this guy 6 years ago. Obviously the time was not right 6 years ago but the time was right a month ago when they decided it was right!
You can’t force things to happen. We are not in charge and when we accept that and have ahavas yisroel and are truly, truly happy for the blessings Hashem bestows on our friends and on K’lal Yisroel then we emulate Hashem in all his goodness.
How would your BFF feel if you were first? Would she be jealous of you or would she treat you like the “sister” you are to her and be over the top happy for her? Don’t be mekaneh her, be happy for her and enjoy the practice run for when your turn comes.
I know this is going to sound hard (maybe corny), let me try anyway. Forget about it, your not going to understand.
OK, you really want to hear? Listen carefully. (put ear to computer)
Try to overcome your feelings, and TRULY feel happy for her. You’ll be making a better you out of yourself in the process. Truly caring for someone else is VERY therapeutic. Now I feel better that you feel better that she feels better.
SS, first I wish you with all my heart, to find your zivug immediately, so you can be on Cloud Nine also, talking about your engagement, your chosson, your plans, etc. BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT ENGAGED GIRLS DO!!!!!!!! Instead of feeling bad, or sorry for yourself, focus on HER simcha right now. First of all, it shows you to be a person of class. Second, when Hashem sees how genuinely happy we are for someone else, maybe He takes a second look at our own situation and says. “Wow, Devorah is such a generous-spirited person! Now it’s her turn.”
Right now, it’s all about her. Next time, it will B”EH be all about you, and I feel fairly certain you will do the same thing she is doing, because it is normal and expected behavior. Let her have this moment without you trying to make her feel she cannot talk freely in front of you. She is not hurting you, you are feeling hurt. There is a difference. I am NOT diminishing your feelings, only asking you to try and understand that your turn will come too, B”EH, so don’t hold back from feeling simcha for your friend.
Sorry aries. I missed your piece. Would not have commented. Your’s sounds more sound. I defer to my betters.
I am with Zeeskite.
I’ll have to wait next time to mix in. Someone’s trying to flatter me. Why? Both pieces are way better then my scribble.
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