Broken Telephone

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  • #590478
    pookie
    Member

    i went to the store to buy a lulav.

    write a sentence that has something to do with this comment.

    #659978
    sunflower
    Member

    and when i got home i realized that it was pasul!

    #659979
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    So I went to my neighbor

    #659980
    postsemgirl
    Member

    who is the posek of my city and asked him what to do

    #659981
    charliehall
    Participant

    And he suggested I show it to a rabbi because this year we don’t fulfill the d’oraita commanment of lulav and it might still be kosher for the d’rabbanan.

    #659982
    mazca
    Member

    to ask him if I should return it. well I wasnt sure if I bought it that way, or it broke in the way

    #659983
    A600KiloBear
    Participant

    BS”D

    and asked him to cash food stamps

    #659984
    Ettie
    Member

    and asked for his Etrog.

    #659985
    haifagirl
    Participant

    To see if there was a heter.

    #659986
    A600KiloBear
    Participant

    BS”D

    to purchase the arba minim with food stamps.

    #659987
    mepal
    Member

    And he said “No. It is passul.” I did not know what to do, I had no more money left to buy another.

    #659988
    YW Moderator-72
    Participant

    so… i got in my Lexus LS600h and drove from Brooklyn to Passaic to Lakewood to Monsey and finally to Waterbury where someone gave me money to buy another lulav…

    #659989
    haifagirl
    Participant

    But unforunately, I was unable to get hadassim . . .

    #659990
    A600KiloBear
    Participant

    BS”D

    And instead I used it for gas to fill my gas guzzler while I tried to figure out how I could actually fulfill the mitzvah using lulav hagozul.

    #659991

    But when I got to the store I saw the money he gave me was toy money…

    #659992
    A600KiloBear
    Participant

    BS”D

    So I called Lipa Schmeltzer and offered to sell him GELT to throw at his next concert.

    #659993
    mazca
    Member

    I was in trouble . What should I do now?

    #659994
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I started to pray for a miracle.

    #659995
    A600KiloBear
    Participant

    BS”D

    And then I remembered my Fetter Shmeel, who gives out free money.

    #659996

    All of a sudden a clown walked into the store and squirted me with a hose

    #659997
    YW Moderator-72
    Participant

    while standing outside the store deep in concentration praying for the miracle, the police towed my double parked Lexus LS600h

    #659998
    mazca
    Member

    When I went to pick it up from the police station I almost fainted they couldnt release it because I owed over 2000 dollars in fines, oh vey now I needed to pay

    #659999

    all of a sudden my nose was very itchy, and my four cellphones all began to ring a t the same time

    #660000
    mazca
    Member

    Who shold I answer first? Everything is a mess

    #660001
    YW Moderator-72
    Participant

    i decided to take the call from my broker first

    #660002

    I hung up on him right away when I heard his bad news

    #660003
    noitallmr
    Participant

    Then I decided to answer to my wife…

    #660004

    She told me the dentist wants me to call him back

    #660005
    squeak
    Participant

    she called to say that she had just won the lottery and I should first tell Jothar “I told you so” and then buy her a nice ya’alom esrog 🙂

    #660006
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    So I went home, grabbed the ticket, and called back my stock broker.

    #660007
    A600KiloBear
    Participant

    BS”D

    And I asked him to buy 1000 shares of “Keren HaTzvi” mutual fund which invests in esrog plantations throughout Antarctica.

    #660008

    The secretary of Keren HaTzvi said that Antarctica is stuffed, and they are now working on Iceland

    #660009
    mazca
    Member

    Iceland, Wow , What a great place to grow esrogim. I thought

    #660010
    mepal
    Member

    And thats when I found out, that all I won was a grand total of 18 dollars. And most of it had to go to taxes anyway.

    #660011

    I still had enough to give to tzedaka

    #660012
    mazca
    Member

    In the meantime I was at the police station not knowing what to do I owed tons of money no esrog, no lulav and no money to take out my lexus.

    #660013
    A600KiloBear
    Participant

    BS”D

    So, I left the police station and called my friend Hymie the Hymishe Insurance Adjuster to find out how to report the car stolen.

    #660014

    Just then a guy named Elchonon came around and bailed my car out with a smile. “Whenever you need me just call “Chuni”

    #660015
    YW Moderator-72
    Participant

    Hymie was not in the office he was in the federal kollel. his message said he would be back in his office in 3-5…

    #660016
    mazca
    Member

    So i started to wait and pray for a miracle to come about before my phone call to be made

    #660017
    gavra_at_work
    Participant

    years, but was looking for a shidduch for his daughter. Big Swiss

    #660018
    haifagirl
    Participant

    And my accountant was in the same kollel and has a son!

    #660019

    All of a sudden, a nice looking Rolls Royce whooshed by

    #660020
    mazca
    Member

    No car, no esrog, no lulav and now no shidduch ay vey I really need to pray and fast for a miracle to come right now

    #660021
    mazca
    Member

    My cousin started to say Hi from the window of the Rolls Royce, wow, Prayer does help I thought

    #660022
    A600KiloBear
    Participant

    BS”D

    The Rolls Royce was reported stolen from the estate of the late Michael Jackson.

    #660023

    He threw me a backpack full of diamonds, and a 30-vol. list of shidduchim

    #660024
    mazca
    Member

    Wow I thought. What a nice guy this cousin of mine

    #660025
    squeak
    Participant

    At which point I decided to take areivim’s advice and put the money in my pocket, and go do a tashlich/kapparos combo

    #660026
    A600KiloBear
    Participant

    BS”D

    The diamonds were of the same origin as the Rolls, and the shidduchim were all with girls from kanoishe or Federal Koilel families.

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