calling shidduch references
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- This topic has 18 replies, 11 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 10 months ago by Lilmod Ulelamaid.
July 16, 2017 11:18 pm at 11:18 pm #1318395rebshidduchParticipant
What do you say to references that you are calling?July 16, 2017 11:22 pm at 11:22 pm #1318402☕ DaasYochid ☕ParticipantJuly 17, 2017 8:59 am at 8:59 am #1318483lesschumrasParticipant
Please tell me the truthJuly 17, 2017 9:03 am at 9:03 am #1318493
Ask if the guy is normal. That’s may favorite questionJuly 17, 2017 9:32 am at 9:32 am #1318516JosephParticipant
Meno, should it be asked if the girl is normal?July 17, 2017 9:50 am at 9:50 am #1318537
By definition, girls aren’t normal.
In fact, most people other than me are not normal.July 17, 2017 10:29 am at 10:29 am #1318640☕ DaasYochid ☕Participant
I finally figured it out. Me-no is short for “me normal”.July 17, 2017 10:54 am at 10:54 am #1318683apushatayidParticipant
You shouldnt say anything. You should ask questions and invite the reference to say something.July 17, 2017 11:06 am at 11:06 am #1318690
You shouldnt say anything
I fervently disagree. You should tell them who you are and why you’re calling.July 17, 2017 11:48 am at 11:48 am #1318721iacisrmmaParticipant
I introduce myself and tell them why I am calling. I have had situations where the reference has offered a “narrative” while others wanted me to ask questions.
One thing you may want to do is to call people who you know in that neighborhood and ask if they know the family. You may get better information then from the “official references”.
I know someone who called a member of his family and only asked if he knew “Ploni” and the person responded “what a sweet boy”. Only then was he told that the caller was checking on “Ploni” as a potential shidduch for his daughter.July 17, 2017 12:21 pm at 12:21 pm #1318812ChaverParticipant
1. Ask them how the weather is.
2. If they know of any good sales.
3. How much they paid on their last water bill.July 17, 2017 12:31 pm at 12:31 pm #1318842
How much they paid on their last water bill
That is terribly rude. This is why there’s a shidduch crisis.July 17, 2017 12:33 pm at 12:33 pm #1318856ColumbiaGrad17Participant
How about we abolish the ridiculous shidduch system and allow two individuals to organically meet on their own? (:July 17, 2017 12:53 pm at 12:53 pm #1318965apushatayidParticipant
“I fervently disagree. You should tell them who you are and why you’re calling.”
Obviously. that is true of any phone call you make. The question is, what do you say after the introduction and my answer is, nothing. Ask questions and let them talk.July 17, 2017 1:11 pm at 1:11 pm #1318968
Obviously. that is true of any phone call you make.
I actually said that as a joke, but based on what iacisrmma said, it might be better if you don’t say why you’re calling.July 17, 2017 3:56 pm at 3:56 pm #1319111iacisrmmaParticipant
Meno: That phone call I described was not to someone listed as the reference.July 17, 2017 3:56 pm at 3:56 pm #1319108oyyoyyoyParticipant
Lots of people didnt introduce themselves when calling about yours truly. Not right, they probably did it so I shouldn’t know who they were. What bothers me more than them not introducing themselves is that now i don’t who was calling about me 😉July 17, 2017 3:57 pm at 3:57 pm #1319110oyyoyyoyParticipant
How about we abolish the ridiculous shidduch system
allow two individuals to organically meet on their own?
hmmmm….. naaaJuly 21, 2017 6:37 am at 6:37 am #1322261Lilmod UlelamaidParticipant
“I actually said that as a joke, but based on what iacisrmma said, it might be better if you don’t say why you’re calling.”
The Chofetz Chaim says that’s assur. You are only allowed to ask for and to listen to information l’toeles if the person knows it’s l’toeles. Otherwise, he is doing an aveira by telling you about the person since he is not speaking l’toeles, and you are doing an averia by asking him for information since you are leading him to sin.
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