chinuch and discipline nowadays
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- This topic has 66 replies, 16 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 7 months ago by eishis chayil.
October 8, 2021 8:03 am at 8:03 am #2013570
its not my daughter, she is eishis chayils daughter. but i know them well, and no she is not yet engaged, she is turning 20. she is a special girl.October 8, 2021 8:49 am at 8:49 am #2013618Always_Ask_QuestionsParticipant
> she is a special girl.
not knowing the girl, of course, but how would you ensure that in 20 years she is not going to post about her great skills in punishing her kids? R Pliskin writes a young lady who did not like how her mother was treating her father, and then was horrified that a month after the wedding, same words popped out of her mouth. A person needs to do serious work on his/her middos if they have bad influences in life. If they do, of course, they become indeed very special.
We discussed Rambam’s suggestion to temporarily switch a middah to an opposite side until you train yourself. R Twersky suggests joining AA-type groups – are there any Parent Anonymous groups out there? But, of course, the hardest part is for the person to commit to a change. R Twersky in exploring one case of a guy who had a great management job, a family, and was occasionally coming to be treated for drinking. He added up losing everything and everyone, but did not come back until he hit “rock bottom” – by eating from Salvation Army for which he used to collect funds in his office. He also suggests sometimes not to protect people on the way to “rock bottom” – the faster they hit it, the better. for example, not to pay debts for a gambler, or not protect an abusive person when police come.
Any other ideas/sources out there?October 10, 2021 7:53 am at 7:53 am #2013910
eishis chayil, first I read the opening question and then what was at that time the last two comments before I posted my comments and so I commented about chinuch in general. Today I read all the comments from the beginning and see that I’ve missed your main question, which in your posts reveal that it’s not so much a question about chinuch but about how to punish for your children’s “crimes”. Btw, crimes is a terrible words to use. Criminals who belong in jail commit crimes, not children who are learning and growing and can sometimes misbehave.
Then I see someone posting that they know who you are. So I’m not sure if this is a troll thread or not because how in the world would that person know who you are and even post your first name if you did not give identifying details except that your mother punished you severely? I’m sure there exists more than one such a mother in the world…
But if this thread isn’t trolling then I must say that thinking your kids are commiting “crimes” is the first problem with your chinuch. They are simply misbehaving and you as a parent must GUIDE them in how to properly behave. I don’t agree that if a child doesn’t listen and runs into he street to not give them perch, those warning petch, which should be symbolic, not hitting so that it hurts, can save a life. Girls and boys over 12 and 13 years of age should absolutely not be hit. Girls generally do not have to be hit, except perhaps when they are really young and do dangerous things like run into the street despite you telling them not to. Boys also rarely need to hit but some boys are an exception exhibiting unruly behavior and bullying other siblings physically.
If a child is REALLY misbehaving or not listening to something important you are telling him, not for minor infractions, then discipline in most cases should be appropriately matched punishments like, for example, not coming on a trip, not getting nosh for Shabbos etc.
But it is most important thing is to build your children with positivity. Compliments, encourement, helping them develope their talents and helping believe in themselves is crucial.October 10, 2021 8:03 am at 8:03 am #2013975
always ask questions. participant: > not knowing the girl, of course, but how would you ensure that in 20 years she is not going to post about her great skills in punishing her kids? R Pliskin writes a young lady who did not like how her mother was treating her father, and then was horrified that a month after the wedding, same words popped out of her mouth. A person needs to do serious work on his/her middos if they have bad influences in life. If they do, of course, they become indeed very special
i honestly agree with you. i learned with her mother, eishis chayil in school ( i was 2 grades older) and we all knew how she suffers and what goes on in her family, but she was a very popular girl and everyone liked her, she was the best and nicest girl we always said how she will break her mothers cycle of pain and be a good mother, but suddenly at 21 when she got married and then 2 years later had a baby (this girl now in shiduchim) she suddenly turned into a tough and stubborn young woman and started being just like her mother
yes you are right. you could never know what will happen after she gets married and starts her own life. but as someone who knows first hand what going on there at home i think this girl will do what she can do never to be similar to her mother in any way
well I can only assume, since both of you are using the same computer, that your high school days may not quite have ended. -29October 10, 2021 8:12 am at 8:12 am #2013990
i guess next time i meet her at computer kiosk i will confront her myself instead of doing it here, check it out and you will see its a kiosk computer. i dont have a computer at home, sorryOctober 10, 2021 10:27 am at 10:27 am #2013993
Mod-29 now it makes sense… probably two teenage girls having fun…
According to just myself, eishis chayil “suddenly” got married at 21…and “suddenly” turned into a tough woman…
My personal experiences in real life have been that a person who is conscious that their abusive parents behavior is not ok is more sensitive and attuned to their children than parents who did not experience abuse. It doesn’t mean they are perfect parents and it doesn’t mean they won’t have scars that need to heal during parenthood, but generally they simply do the opposite of their parents because their parent’s behavior revolts them. I’be seen this happen numerous times. Generally, someone who is of average intelligence and above does not repeat abusive behavior of their parents.October 10, 2021 10:27 am at 10:27 am #2014023
just myself, you are at a kiosk at 8:14 am? Which one opens so early?October 10, 2021 11:00 am at 11:00 am #2014054
quisquam in boro parkOctober 10, 2021 11:16 am at 11:16 am #2014076🍫Syag LchochmaParticipant
I was thinking more along the ‘bored teens in a yeshiva dorm’October 10, 2021 11:30 am at 11:30 am #2014105
I googled “quisquam” and no business with that name shows up. I googled computer kiosks in Boro Park, NY but they all open at 10:00 or later and none are named “Quisquam”.
No frum kiosk store would think of naming their business with the unfamiliar Latin word “quisquam” . Perhaps you are graphic designers using a word from the “Loren ipsum” placeholder text…October 10, 2021 11:31 am at 11:31 am #2014097ujmParticipant
Just as a side note (between eating my popcorn), the timestamp on coffee from posts indicates the time the mod approved the post. It doesn’t necessarily bear any resemblance to what time the poster submitted the comment.October 10, 2021 11:32 am at 11:32 am #2014099eishis chayilParticipant
i dont understand. i ask here for help with discipline and help going out of my childhood scars and trauma and my discipline and problems and all i get is harassments from some unknown posters. so what if i use the same kiosk as her, there are hundreds of people using this kiosk. though she claims she knows me i have no idea who she is and i dont know why you believe her fake lies about me torturing my kids more than me myself that says that i dont torture them.
JUST MYSELF. i think its time for you to stop lying here and trying to make people think that i am bad and ruining shiduchim for my daughterOctober 10, 2021 11:48 am at 11:48 am #2014119
PHILISOPHER: > I googled “quisquam” and no business with that name shows up. I googled computer kiosks in Boro Park, NY but they all open at 10:00 or later and none are named “Quisquam”.
I DONT KNOW WHERE YOU LOOKED IT UP BUT THEY HAVE 3 LOCATIONS IN BORO PARK 1282 52′ 5110 16 AND 5101 16 THEIR NUMBER IS 718xxxx’x THATS xxxxxxxx.
editedOctober 10, 2021 11:49 am at 11:49 am #2014118
Syag, perhaps they are bored bucharim, I dont know why I would think they are girls, perhaps because they are presenting themselves as females…
I could be completely off, but I profile them as young, between 18-24 years of age , female, and working in graphic design or attending graphic design courses. I don’t believe it’s one person doing the talking for both people as their writing styles are different. Perhaps they are two bored girls in a sem dorm…October 11, 2021 1:03 am at 1:03 am #2014425
According to smartbackgrounchecks.com, the number 718-854-xxxx”just myself” listed for the supposed “quisquam kiosk store” is a number listed for an individual named Abina Cruz 88 years old…doesn’t sound like quisquam computer kiosk store’s number to me…
For the address of one supposed quisquam store on 5101 16th Ave there’s a cellular phone store named Big Man Cellular. Looking through the store’s window on my large computer screen, it appears to be a business not remotely related to a computer kiosk… Mamesh a few doors down the at supposed second quisquam location of 5100 16th is a residential building…
And last but not least, located at the third “quisquam” location at 1282 52nd st is…NOTHING! There’s no such address! Bobov Cheder is at the corner of 13ave so it’s the last building on 12th st and the address is 1270 52nd street…
This kind of trolling where you present yourself as someone you are not and cause people to give you of their time to answer you is not only trolling, it is geneivos daas.
Kudos to mod-29 for spotting these trolls (assuming they are two people) right away.
It really upsets me when people are so immature.
But thanks trolls for the challenge! I enjoyed sleuthing a bit 😃October 11, 2021 8:07 am at 8:07 am #2014469
with full respect to philosopher but i believe that you dont live in boro park but how about sending over someone to these adresses and check it out, the one at 1285 52 you can see it on google maps street view year 2019 and sorry for the address mistake that i wrote by mistake that its 1282 which is mukatch cheder and not bobov like you said (so maybe you are a troll. lol.) the one at 5110 16 which is located in the safetech store can be seen in 2019 too and the one thats 5101 16 in the recently closed big man cellular store just opened several month ago. check it out and see for your self
and instead of lookin up the number 7188kiosks call it up, and you will see how right i am and for locations press 3October 11, 2021 10:20 am at 10:20 am #2014529eishis chayilParticipant
this discussion about the kiosk is not the point of my conversation. all i want is help and opinions about disciplining and raising my family. who cares if some random unknown poster dislikes my comments and calls me a troll. anyone can call anyone a troll. yes i agree with just myself that i do use somtimes quisquam kiosk but thats not always, i sometimes use an other one too.
I think you have both given us enough reason to believe this is a joke. The problem is that this topic isn’t funny. Find yourself a new persona. Thread closed.
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