!!!!!CONFESSION-Want To Want But Can't !!!!

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    This is gonna be a confession: I’m gonna do this in a form of example for easier undersunderstanding but don’t take apart that example well maybe yes

    Example: I see all these amazing wonderful religious people around me taking on kabbalos (resolutions ) trying to daven (pray) more or learn stuff or have a connection with hashems or do halchos (Jewish laws) better and go lifnim meshiras hadin (mire than the halchos command) and of course they get schar (reward in this world and in the world to come)for doing these things

    AND THEN THERE’S ME— sometimes I feel like there’s no point in all this and i just don’t want to be good and i fall back to previous destructive behavior but the truth is I WISH I WOULD WANT TO BE GOOD BUT ALOT OF TIMES I DON’T EVEN CARE ..my question is do I get schar for wanting to want?



    Happygirlygirl: I went to a shiur last night about emotions and why we have them. The rabbi said that some days it’s our emotions that drive us and other days our actions.

    For example, some days someone can really feel the actions and motions that come with Yiddishkeit. Those rituals and davening etc kindle the emotions of connecting to Hashem.

    Other days someone is really feeling it and does the motions just because.

    According to this rabbi, if someone is constantly not feeling emotions, then yes that is an issue that needs to be addressed. This also is true for interpersonal relationships, marriages, and so on in addition to our relationship with Hashem.

    It sounds like you are not feeling it. When was the last time that you were into it?

    Another thing that the rabbi said: It is okay to live with questions. Like why would Hashem ask this, and why should I do this? His opinion stated that we do some things anyway. To some individuals, maybe that feels like living a lie. It depends. Everyone has unique needs and a different perspective.

    Seriously you are welcome here… no judgement, I am not one to judge nor advocate for pushing anything, other than personal growth and a healthy relationship.

    Also… what about this whole 70 faces of Torah? How many faces do we see in our communities in real life?


    If you genuinely didn’t care, you wouldn’t have posed the question because it wouldn’t have bothered you in the first place.

    More when I’m not falling asleep, bli neder.


    Of course if you want is very meaningful. Hashem knows your thoughts and your nisyoines. Why do you ever think there’s no point of being good? Because you fall back? That’s part of your nisoyan. Wanting to want is beautiful in itself. If you would do some good reasoning why you want you might want even stronger until you can stick to it with out to many falls.

    One thing for sure NEVER GIVE UP. Even for the smallest effort you get schar.


    Kapusta …exactly is It obviously bother me that I don’t care about so many things

    And it’s not a matter of emotions some days …..it’s just my whole being…I don’t want to say everything I do wrong but most would be shocked and it’s not cause I wanna be bad its just I don’t have a desire to be good


    Dont think everyone is doing things for the right reason, some people do things either because of communal pressure or plainly wrong reasons (Wanting to be “frummer” than everyone else can be a wrong reason)

    You never really know what people feel in their hearts


    I can’t say whether or not you get schar, but I do know that wanting to want is a huge step.

    I once had a friend who was OTD (the real kind, not the coffee room kind). One time we were sitting on a curb on shabbos, he was smoking a cigarette, and he was pretty intoxicated so he was being really honest.

    So he says to me, “I’m sitting here smoking this cigarette on Shabbos, and I really want it to bother me, but it doesn’t.”

    That guy is a huge Talmid Chochom now.


    Happy Girl, Rav Noach Weinberg Zt’l told me many years ago that in considering both growth from where you are at and tshuva from where you have come to, every single mitzvah performed, has immense value, and no one should be discouraged by not taking on “everything at once”. The key is to keep going, but to do so realizing the importance of each mitzvah, even something as simple as putting up a mezuzah, or something more complex.

    There’s also a thought in a midrash that may have been the earliest midrash I ever learned, maybe at the age of 4 or 5, which indicates (as an inspiration if not in actuality) that if one thinks about transgressing but doesn’t, no onesh applies. But if one intends to do a mitzvah but doesn’t, he receives schar as if he did it.


    Meno that story really spoke to me …wowwwwww!!!! I have potential

    Yichusdick- it’s hard to mitzvos cause then I think hashem probably doesn’t even awant a girl like n to do his mitzvos….I make it sound as if I’m not religious but…idk..I am


    To be good takes effort and to be (bad) might just be easier or maybe fun.

    Whatever you do ,you do for yourself. If you make the effort to be good to do what’s right you will in return feel good about yourself and you will have a good name. If you just don’t care and do something wrong your definitely going to pay the price for it. If you are refering lifnim mashiras hadin like you wrote on your post, then thats a different story.


    I don’t believe anyone is bad

    “We all have light and dark..what matters is the part we choose to act on” said by Sirius Black

    i did stuff for hashem today so I’m really excited


    Yes by being here and cheering us up with your positive attitude you did something great..



    I agree with absan. Your optimism and positive attitude is truly inspiring.

    Lilmod Ulelamaid

    I just posted this on another thread, but I am posting it here as well because it is relevant to this thread:

    Everyone who wants to grow should read this often. It is a letter that Rav Hutner Zatsal wrote to a student of his who was struggling. The english translation below was published in the Jewish Observer in Dec. of 1980 or 1981. It may have been translated by a Rav Kirzner, but I’m not sure.

    Everyone is awed at the purity of speech of the Chofetz Chaim, considering it a miraculous phenomenon. But who knows of the battles, struggles and obstacles, the slumps and regressions that the Chofetz Chaim encountered in his war with the yetzer hara (evil inclination)? There are many such examples, to which a discerning individual such as yourself can certainly apply the rule.

    The result of this failing is that when an ambitious young man of spirit and enthusiasm meets obstacles, falls and slumps, he imagines himself as unworthy of being “planted in the house of Hashem.” According to this young man’s fancy, flourishing in the house of Hashem means to repose with calm spirit on “lush meadows” beside “tranquil waters” [Tehillim 23] delighting in the yetzer hatov, in the manner of the righteous delighting in the reflection of the Shechinah, with crowns on their heads, gathered in Gan Eden. And at the same time, untroubled by the agitation of the yetzer hara, along the lines of the verse “Free among the dead” [Tehillim 88:6].

    Know, however, my dear friend, that your soul is rooted not in the TRANQUILITY of the yetzer tov, but rather in the BATTLE of the yetzer tov. And your precious, warm-hearted letter “testifies as one hundred witnesses” that you are a worthy warrior in the battalion of the yetzer tov. The English expression, “Lose a battle and win a war” applies. Certainly, you have stumbled and will stumble again (a self-fulfilling prophecy is not intended) and in many battles you will fall lame. I promise you, though, that after those losing campaigns you will emerge from the war with laurels of victory upon your head and with the fresh prey quivering between your teeth. Lose battles but win wars.

    The wisest of all men has said, “A just man falls seven times and rises again” [Mishlei 24:16]. Fools believe the intent of this verse is to teach us something remarkable – the just man has fallen seven times and yet he rises. But the knowledgeable are aware that the essence of the tzaddik’s rising again is by way of his seven falls. ” ‘And He saw all that He had made and behold, it was very good.’ ‘Good’: that is the yetzer tov. ‘Very good’: that is the yetzer hara” [Bereishis Rabbah 91.


    My cherished one, I clasp you to my heart, and whisper in your ear that had your letter reported on your mitzvos and good deeds, I would have said that I had received a good letter from you. As things stand, with your letter telling of slumps and falls and obstacles, I say that I have received a very good letter from you. Your spirit is storming as it aspires to greatness. I beg of you, do not portray for yourself great men as being as one with their yetzer tov. Picture rather their greatness in terms of an awesome war with every base and low inclination.

    Lilmod Ulelamaid

    Meno: “Happygirl,

    I agree with absan. Your optimism and positive attitude is truly inspiring.”

    I agree with both Absan and Meno!!!

    Lilmod Ulelamaid

    Happygirlygirl: According to Chovos Halevavos, Hashem loves all of us (regardless of how “good” or “bad” we are), and everything He does to/for you is because He loves you!! He is your biggest fan (and you have a lot of them!) and He is rooting for you and gets nachas from every teeny bit of effort on your part and every little Mitzvah you do!!!


    I don’t know why I didn’t see these comments before but thabks peeps I really love my coffee family


    Happygirlygirl – lol.

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