Do you know any Professional Shadchans?

What part of town?

no shadchanim charge if they don’t bring a shidduch to marriage. (hopefully)

not when i was in the parsha

snow: this is hysterical…..

“I’m not referring to the typical regular shadchanim, I’m asking about professionals who devote more time and effort for you because they’re being paid- and not just when they make a shidduch.”

do you have any idea how hard the typical shachan works inlcueing the 98.5% who get absolutely NO salary????

for the record – Apreciating anyone and everyone who works on you/your childs behalf and recognizing the immense amount of time and energy they put in (by comensating for dates they set up)… works in a huge huge way.

Proof is in the pudding….. and it’s coming to a community near you…. SOON…..

AZ:

Why is it “hysterical”? The shadchonim you mentioned put it all that time, true. But they invest it as it comes up… Snow is looking for someone to spend a let of tim on Snow! Not just as they come up (with hard work). And they’re willing to pay for it.

Sounds like a very fair and serious request

I’m sure you can make an arangemant like that with all shadchanim

in our family and friends they are very successful some of them are quite well known they only charge after there is a mazel tov get your name there and remind them from time to time that you exist

Binyan Adei Ad-Contact Mrs. Leiberman 917-204-9022

I forget her hebrew name but Mrs. (Robin) meyerowitz from providence RI is a top notch shadchanis (I don’t know pay rates though)

😀 Zuberman! 😀

Whatsamatter AZ- you too smart for other threads here?

Snow:

Sensitive, not really – important more likely. I’ve been on this topic for quite some time and I guess as a result of my involvement I have a good handle on which ideas work and which don’t

As i’ve stated previously on numerous threads, I am NOT a shadchan.

TBT: Monopoly, certainly not, a lot of researcech and time spent on the issue. Yes. Hey anyone can do whatever they like, I’m just offering insight from the field s to what has been tried and failed and what has been tried and worked.

Of coures any and everyone can feel to make the mistakes yourself and not learn from others.

(FYI- I have already tested the idea of shadchanim on retainer and it’s a misreable failure. It may help a girl here a girl there – much like without a retainer might- but overall a miserable failure)

Binyan adei ad is NOT a lubavitch org (though maybe there are two by the same name).

TBT, there are about 15 other threads that you missed 🙂

TBT:

i was just curious why you think this idea of appreciating and compensating people who spend time on singles even if it doesn’t result in engagement is a “AGE GAP” idea.

(on the macro level it actually is but on the micro level it isn’t at all.)

Somehow, whichever Shadchan or organization you speak to (aside from Chassidim), the ratio of boys profiles to girls, they receive, is close to 1 to 10. That is the biggest problem. Perhaps AZ can explain better, because Im at a loss, despite being involved in Shidduchim myself. Now thats in the new to Shidduchim age group. As the singles age, it becomes worse. The amount of boys to girls profiles becomes even smaller.

My suspicion is that guys are approached by friends and relatives so much more, that they dont have to seek out Shadchanim and organizations for help in looking for possibilities.

AZ, thoese who get it, get it, those who don’t – i guess just won’t……..Put all you personal thoeries, suspicions, first hand opinions to rest for 3 mintues and the age gap concept becomes ovious.

I ~W H O L E H E A R T E D L Y~ agree with the age gap problem, but I think theres more to it that that. Anyhow, imho there wouldnt be this 1 to 10 disparity as a result, if it was only the age gap problem. Even if every 23 y.o. guy married a 23 y.o. girl, the guys would need Shadchanim less.

If Im wrong and the age gap problem is the cause of the bulk of the problem, and that can be shown and proven to those in authority in our community (NOT wasted on the Shadchanim, who on their own cant change people’s minds and behavior as much), isnt it high time that it should be shown to them, and strongly encouraged, very publicly with much greater strength than it is now, by them????? Isnt that what Hashem would want to ease and prevent tears and suffering in our community?

ofcourse:

1. would 70 R”Y count as “those in authority”. becuase they signed a letter clearly stating that Age Gap is the primary cause of the shiddcuh crisis.

2. the people redding the shidduchim are the MOST importnat ppl in this issue, becasue the boys will go out with the girls they are redd. if they hear names of 22 yr olds then they will go out with them. it they hear the names of the 19 year olds then they will go out with those instead.

In fact the ppl redding shiddcuhim (shadchanim and regualr ppl) play a far far greater role in alleviating the situation than anyone.

if you understood age gap properly you would understand why that is EXACTLY why the girls go running to shadhanim and the boys have no need to.

AZ, if you think that I can convince any guy or his mother to give preference to a girl from a specific age group over the other 10 he is redt to at the same time, you must be smoking something….

Unless he has heard from someone he holds in high esteem that this is what he should do. Perhaps regular reminders of what the 70 R”Y have said, are in order. People conveniently forget.

Some can be convinced, but they’re a tiny minority. The younger the better, past 20 perhaps, is what the mindset most often is.

snow, I dont have numbers but Mrs Richards (caters more to the BP Heimish crowd) and Mrs Rose (caters more to the Flatbush Yeshivish and Modern Yeshivish types), both of Brooklyn, might be interested in an arrangement like you mentioned.

AZ:

Sometimes though, your point comes across a little sharp, or very sharp. Its probably the same drive that brings you to help so many people with barley a thank you (and probably many many disparaging remarks). But it does come across a little sharp, or very sharp.

(Just think of Penina and Chana.)

Snow: What I gather from AZ, may I make a suggestion. Hopefully you can find an honest an sincere shadchan (as most of them are) who will work for you, not voluntarily or optional basis, but almost as an employee. Then have them also contact other shadchonim etc, and tell them that quality suggestions (that produce x amount of dates etc) will be compensated. Your advocate as well should get something, say $25 additional (or as you see fit) for having made the contact to the other shadchan who produced these dates.

Truth is, this hired shadchan may even be a responsible friend or relative. But they get paid a nice fee, just for investing time, and they will now be able to move other shadchonim on your behalf (as $$$$$ does talk).

Just a thought based upon your idea, mixed in with the presented research. May you find your zivug soon

Lets be real. I know of many good, normal girls whose parents got hold of lists, and repeatedly, politely, called these Shadchanim, whose names were on these lists, for months, and never got a single return call.

tbt, Oy!

I see all the Mailos with solving the age gap, but the Klal needs more Intensive Emergency First Aid by people who people listen to, in other areas as well. The presently small percentage of guys willing to date same age girls, isnt going to change things enough.