Home Forums Decaffeinated Coffee DON'T GIVE UP!!!!!!

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    I should probably change my username cuz B”H I got enaged recently!!

    I want to share with you something personal, especially with ones still dating.

    I recall the times when dating was rough( more or less 7 years), when waiting for shadchan to call back was a killer ( literally would stress me out!!)I recall the pain, when no names were redt, when nothing seemed hopeful, when no new idea was mentioned, when the phone just seemed lifeless…

    during those times i used to go on Coffee Room and just read about pp’s shidduch experience. as weird as it might sound, I gained comfort from pp’s aggravation, knowing that I wasn’t the only one going through it….it made it easer to bear!

    I recall one girl writing how she thought all was hopeless, she then went to a shiur that night about emuna etc and when she got home her parents told her a shidduch came up. it ended up being her zivug. after reading that story i remember smiling thinking to myself, ha that only happens to some pp….

    So I logged on tonight to coffee room to tell all those seriously looking for their basherts-IT WILL HAPPEN! I KNOW sometimes it feels like it won’t, I KNOW the stress, the judgemental looks, the unsolicited advice…I KNOW it all cuz I have been through it and I also at one point reached a stage where I almost literally just gave up, mentally and emotionally!

    I B”H got engaged to most amazing person! If u would have asked me a few months ago if I see myself engaged, I would prob say “I wish, but unlikely”…Hashem planned otherwise! the whole thing just happened so quickly and smoothly that I had to pinch myself to know it was real! I cudn’t believe after all those years of waiting, all those years of pain and embarresment….it just happened!

    so for all those out there who are so upset about their dating experiences, about their long wait for their zivug…I plead of you DO NOT GIVE UP! DAVEN AND DAVEN AND DAVEN even more, even when u feel like u have no tears left because some prayers are stored for the right time, no tear EVER wasted!

    I remember feeling frusterated that I davened so much and yet nothing was happening…today I look back and I know Hashem saved them all and used their koach for the right time!

    May we hear ONLY ONLY besuros tovos from one another and each and every one of you who gave chizuk, said a joke or did anything to allievate the pain of those dealing with shidduchim, you have a huge zechus!


    Mazel Tov! You should be zocheh to a bayis ne’eman b’yisroel!


    Thank you for taking the time to post at this exciting time in your life. Mazel tov to you, and thank you for your beautiful words. May your chasuna be b’shah tova, with much happiness that will last your whole life long.

    If I may, i would like to suggest a peice of advice that you can, either, totally ignore, or keep in you drawer.

    Although you are engaged and will IY”H get married, please don’t take the nisyonos of these past few years, and just try to block the difficulties and depressing memories out of your head. Hopefully you have matured (as is witness to this beautiful thread), polished your middos, and grew strong from it. Down the road, others may come your way that are in a difficult, perhaps similar situation you have been in, and they’ll cry how they are at the verge of giving up. Thats when your dating years will come in as a positive ‘theropeutic’ remedy. You can use them as an effective ‘tool’ to sympathize, hear them out, and encourage them because you can RELATE to their pain. You know of their tzar better than others, because you’ve been down that road! You can be more sensitive than others. You can be more sympathetic than others. And IY”H be mechazek others with your lesson of never giving up hope for a yeshuah.


    Mazel tov! Thank you for sharing your beautiful words with us. May this be one post of MANY similar (although hopefully not to that many years.) You sound like somebody special and i’m glad for you to have found him 😉

    CR Wannabee

    Mazel Tov and thank you for your post!

    I am in that same situation you describe. I have been in the dating scene for a few years and it’s rough. I’ve done everything possible- gone to plenty of shadchanim, gotten (or atleast tried to get) my name out to many people, gone to shidduch meetings etc.. The phone doesn’t ring, nor has it rung the past couple of years. When someone does get redt to me, it’s never someone of my backround or type I’m looking for but I go out anyway- since you never know where your bashert comes from.

    Hashem is the only One I have on my side. I have never felt that more then now. I daven my heart out to Hashem every day, praying that I get through this.

    Dater- your post gives me chizuk and it helps to know I’m not the only one in that situation.


    Mazal Tov! It’s sweet of you to post that. May you and your chosson share many happy and healthy years together! He sure is one lucky guy to get such a sensitive wife like you.


    How inspirational. Thank you. May you be zocheh to build a bais ne’eman bi’yisroel


    Fantastic post! Thank you!



    Mazel Tov!


    Thanks Dater! Great post!

    Mazel Tov, wish you all the happiness in the world and of course may you merit to build a bayis nemon byisroel

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