Drinking away a bad date

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  • #610354

    stanleyc
    Member

    I’ve heard of a “minhag” to drink yourself to sleep after a bad date. What do the esteemed CR fellas think about this?

    #974270

    Toi
    Participant

    i think after a good date too. and every other night. in fact, im pretty hammered right about now.

    #974271

    musser zoger
    Participant

    I limit my drinking to Shabbos ando days that end in “y”.

    #974272

    eclipse
    Member

    As a relative of a drinker…..really bad idea!!!

    Strengthen your faith, and simply laugh at how disastrous it was with a friend…NO hang-over, guaranteed. And you won’t kill the next day.

    #974273

    Burnt Steak
    Participant

    Sounds like this minhag came from Billy O’Hara. And what type of alcohol? Does it change depending on how bad date went or what girl looked like? Sounds like this is an explanation of where the rabbi/ jew … walks into a bar jokes came from.

    and speaking of walk into a bar joke,

    A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, “I’m sorry, but we don’t serve strings here.”

    The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back up to the bar and orders a beer.

    The bartender squints at him and says, “Hey, aren’t you a string?”

    The string says, “Nope, I’m a frayed knot.”

    (and yes I am aware of jokes thread, but this is knot just about a single thread)

    #974274

    golfer
    Participant

    I noticed, stan, that you wanted to know what the fellas think. Guess you already know the non-fellas, commonly know as ladies, would think it’s a horrendous idea. Call a friend and laugh about how awful it was. If he doesn’t know who you just went out with, you can enjoy describing her down to the last excruciating, grueling detail. And be happy you got off easy, and spent only a couple of hours in her insufferable company. Some people get a life sentence!

    Nice, Burnt S!!

    #974275

    ObstacleIllusion
    Participant

    I thought this thread was going to be drinking through the date, not afterwards, of which I’m a total advocate for. Yeah, I think it’s completely okay to have a beer after a bad date. If you come home and get plastered from a run-of-the-mill bad date then there is clearly something you need to work through.

    #974276

    WIY
    Member

    Stanley

    Theres a minhag to abuse alcohol by many people today. What’s your point?

    #974277

    Shraga18
    Participant

    Personally, I wouldn’t let my daughter go out with anyone that has such a “minhag”.

    #974278

    stanleyc
    Member

    WIY, theres no need to get snarky with me. If you had actually read the comments of the other posters you would see that there are arguments both ways. What is YOUR point?

    #974279

    WIY
    Member

    Stanley

    No snark intended. Its not acceptable to drink oneself under the table except ( according to some opinions) on Purim when it is a mitzvah. There is no valid reason why a person should respond to a bad date with “oh let me get slammmed out of my mind. ” If indeed there is such a minhag growing I have not heard about it and pray that it is not true. However if people can get slammed on Shabbos on a regular basis forno good reason I guessthey can do so in middle of the week as well.

    #974280

    oomis
    Participant

    I am with the parent who would not want the daughter to go out with a guy with such a minhag. And btw, maybe the GIRL feels the need for a drink after that date, too…

    For any guy who has contemplated this minhag – spend your time better, davening that the next date will bring you the right zivug. And also spend the time thinking about what YOU might have done to make the date a better experience.

    My son has gone out with several young ladies some were shayach for him and many l’chatchilah apparently were not, but he has only one time said to me that it was a bad date (the girl would not engage in any conversation at all, no matter what topic he tried to bring up or ask her about herself, just gave one-word responses, even to open-ended questions). My husband also told me that he could honestly say he never had a bad date with anyone, just that the girls were not for him or he for them, until he met me.

    I know this was a topic about drinking away a bad date and perhaps it was slightly tongue in cheek, but you know what – drinking away ANYTHING is a troubling sign of a deeper potential problem, in my humble opinion.

    #974281

    stanleyc
    Member

    WIY- point taken. However the minhag was in parentheses. Its a potential way for people to get through a rough time, not some kind of bizare drinking game

    #974282

    Menachem Melamed
    Participant

    Anyone who uses alcohol or any other drug in such a reckless manner is at a great risk of ending up with a much more serious problem. Using alcohol in this way is step one to becoming an alcoholic.

    #974283

    WIY
    Member

    stanleyc

    “Its a potential way for people to get through a rough time”

    A bad date is not a rough time, and drinking is not the answer it just helps you to forget the question.

    #974284

    oomis
    Participant

    There are way more healthful ways for people to get through a rough time, that do not involve alcohol.

    #974285

    stanleyc
    Member

    WIY- a bad date is not a rough time? how now, brown cow? a breakup after going out for several months? sounds like pretty rough stuff to me.

    Oomis- what would you advise?

    #974286

    RABBAIM
    Participant

    Sit and learn for 20 minutes and you’ll forget the difficulty of the date. Much healthier and more of what Hashem wants.

    #974287

    Burnt Steak
    Participant

    RABBAIM also pray/ say tehilim and remember that we are loved by Hashem

    #974288

    oomis
    Participant

    Oomis- what would you advise? “

    I think you chalk the date up to another experience in learning what is NOT right for you, and realize you are now one step closer to meeting your zivug. Even a bad date has a purpose by helping you to crystallize in your own mind what you absolutely do NOT want in your zivug. I definitely don’t recommend drinking. That is a slippery slope. We have to deal with our disappointments in a mature and acceptable way. Drinking until you fall asleep is neither of those things, IMO.

    #974289

    Burnt Steak
    Participant

    Why is it that you can drink a drink but not food a food?

    (disclaimer- I did not make this one up credit goes to someone else)

    #974291

    Bookworm120
    Participant

    This thread immediately made me think of the “bad dates” scene from Raiders of the Lost Ark….. 🙂

    #974292

    Redleg
    Participant

    “I am with the parent who would not want the daughter to go out with a guy with such a minhag.”

    That’s okay. I wouldn’t want to go out with her daughter either. But, frankly, I can’t imagine a date so bad that one would feel the need to blot out the memory of it, unless the date involved the police, thousands of dollars in damages, a wrecked car, Mexican drug runners, etc.

    Having said that, however, there isn’t anything wrong with taking an occasional nightcap and you don’t even need an excuse for it.

    #974293

    Whenever I tried drinking away a bad date I inevitably ended up drunk dialing

    the shadchan of course.

    #974294

    Bookworm120
    Participant

    @Veltz Meshugener — LOL! 😀 If anything, I would theoretically need ice coffee beforehand (although that might just make my shidduch more inclined to drink afterward because I’d be so hyper)!

    #974295

    YW Moderator-42
    Moderator
    #974296

    oomis
    Participant

    Having said that, however, there isn’t anything wrong with taking an occasional nightcap and you don’t even need an excuse for it. “

    We do not disagree on that, but that is NOT the subject of this particular thread. The OP commented that there apparently is a “minhag” by some guys to drink until they fall asleep, after a bad date. That is nowhere NEAR the same ballpark as taking an occasional nightcap (not nightcapS). A guy who feels the need and actually has “the minhag” to drink to oblivion just because he had a bad date (and we are NOT talking about breaking up after “dating for months” – that was not the OP’s comment), has a potential drinking problem in the making. What’s next – he had a bad day at work, didn’t get the subway in time, had a bad hair day? Some guys will look for ANY excuse to get into a drunken stupor, and perhaps that started with such a minhag. Alcohol is meant to be something that we can enjoy in moderation. What is being mentioned here, hardly fits that description.

    #974297

    Toi
    Participant

    its not a minhag. its a chov gamur.

    #974298

    Redleg
    Participant

    OOMIS, An actual minhag to get sloppy drunk after a bad date? Ich hab kein mal night gehert. Can anyone define a “bad date” that would require drinking to oblivion?

    #974299

    oomis
    Participant

    Redleg, that’s what the OP was asking about. I never heard of it, either.

    #974300

    eclipse
    Member

    May I hypothesize for a moment?[Don’t get all irked; you can ignore me completely:)]And let’s say you marry the girl of your dreams, and you two get into a stressful argument. Again, the bottle? And your boss criticizes you in front of a co-worker. The bottle? Coping skills ARE WORTH GOLD! Lots of ways to attain them.

    #974301

    Toi
    Participant

    eclipse- the bottle will always be there for you.

    #974302

    funnybone
    Participant

    How about a beer with cholent? And a piece of overnight kugel? You can eat AND drink away a bad date! Don’t forget some chocolate for dessert, bad dates must get chocolate…

    #974303

    eclipse
    Member

    Toi: “for you”- you mean that generally I hope!

    Anyway, it may “always be there”, but the people you repel/neglect/hurt along the way won’t always be hanging around…eventually, it will be JUST you… and your friend, the bottle.

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