Frum women and hats

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  • #2232229
    frumandproud
    Participant

    I am wondering with sheitels becoming more and more expensive if hats can become more of an option?

    Even an expensive hat is a lot cheaper than a lower-end sheitel.

    I have spoken to other women and we would love to wear hats. Hats are beautiful, elegant, and regal. There is a reason that royalty wear hats. However, many of us feel uncomfortable wearing our preferred item of tznius as most people don’t wear hats.

    I would appreciate the day where one can also wear hats without feeling uncomfortable; especially batampt ones that can crown a Bas Yisroel with dignified modesty.

    Can we make that into a reality?

    #2232354
    user176
    Participant

    My wife wears scarves. It can be difficult at times but Hashem always sends her someone who praises her and tells her how good she looks whenever she needs it. If it is more tzanua and you want to do it go for it and don’t worry about others.

    #2232534
    frumandproud
    Participant

    Thank you for the encouragement!

    #2232527

    100 years ago, I think, hats were in vogue and sheitels were considered not tzanua.

    Maybe you can talk to poskim and explain your arguments that they may not be fully aware of. If a posek agrees and his wife comes out in a hat, the issue should be solved.

    #2232510
    CTLAWYER
    Participant

    My mother OBM, never wore a wig, but wore hats. Then again, my father had millinery departments in his clothing stores and didn’t sell wigs.
    I knew as a youngster, that if I stepped on inch over the line when it came to behavior or speech, she would pull a hat pin from her hat and I would get jabbed.
    The Late Mrs. CTL was also partial to hats, often having shoes dyed to match the hat. In warm weather she found straw hats much cooler than a wig.

    #2232519
    akuperma
    Participant

    Any frum married woman who has anything to do with the world outside the frum community is displaying tremendous mesiras nefesh, since for the last 60 years American women normally go bareheaded, and anyone who wears a hat, with very narrow exceptions, such as softball players, is regarding as weird and subject to varying forms of harassment and discrimination.

    The halachos on this are well known, and the style discussion is irrelevant to any halachic discussion (albeit important to anthropologists and historians of costume and fashion).

    #2232550
    user176
    Participant

    Akuperma- the question was not addressed to frum women outside the frum community. But even in that circumstance any woman with confidence could and should dress as she pleases, and there never has been an easier time to do so. And yes, the question is clearly assuming that hats are a more tzanua option.

    #2232553
    SKD2128
    Participant

    In my community in Israel almost no one wears a wig ( except for a few chabad women). Everyone wears scarves in various different styles. I and most of my friends here agree that the scarves are a lot nicer than wigs. I have a large collection of different scarves and even if I would add up how much all my scarves cost it would still be cheaper than a wig and yes I do have a few expensive scarves that I use for Shabbat. I have spoken to women in other communities and they have told me that they wish it was more common in their community so they would be able to wear it. I think if we made more common in day Lakewood or other communities more women would wear it. I think if this was adopted more widely it would save a lot of money. It is also a lot more tzniut than a wig and in my opinion more beautiful. I’m

    #2232554
    ujm
    Participant

    “Even an expensive hat is a lot cheaper than a lower-end sheitel.”

    Paula Young wigs are probably less expensive.

    #2232555
    ujm
    Participant

    Does a hat alone fully cover all hair?

    Another point with pondering, is that until the 20th century Jewish women didn’t use wigs to cover their hair. They used snoods. And a number of Gedolei Poskim hold wigs aren’t tznius.

    #2232610
    CTLAWYER
    Participant

    @Akuperma
    You’ve lived outside the USA far too long to be making comments about women wearing hats being regarded as weird and subject to harassment and discrimination.

    I live near and do business in, and my shul is in a predominantly Black community.
    Just as from women cover their hair and dress modestly, the Black ‘Church Ladies’ all wear hats and are dressed in well tailored skirt suits or long sleeved dresses with hemlines well below the knees.

    No one thinks this weird and they are not harassed.
    Our new Hispanic immigrants are likely to be in long sleeves and long skirts with headscarves.

    #2232683
    dullradiance
    Participant

    A pediatrician I know wore a wig while doing her hospital based training (residency). The wig wearing doctor was woken to care for a baby in crisis and came to the intensive care ward with her head covered with her sleep teichel (scarf). By the time the baby was stable, it was time for rounds.

    At the time the “premie” intensive care ward was run by a brilliant specialist (who was a bit of a tyrant in an effort to keep these babies alive). She sees the resident and stares at her for a bit too long and then said in effect “See how Dr. R is dressed. Keeping her hair covered like that! Hair is a vector for bacterial transmission! It would be best if everyone’s hair is kept up and ideally covered. Good work Dr. R”

    #2233109

    I know of only one man in politics who recently used a wig to be in public. Most other men wear something on their head, with a minority not wearing anything at their jobs. If wigs were so coo, there would be more men using them.

    #2233206
    CTLAWYER
    Participant

    @AAQ
    My eldest brother was completely bald at 17. He started wearing a full head wig by his 20th birthday.
    On his 3rd date with his now wife, he said: I have a confession to make: this isn’t my real hair. She replied: that’s okay, I’m not really a blonde.

    They have been married 57 years and have matching wig stands in their dressing room.

    #2233384

    Ctl, I could still be at the same count, if you are the senator’s younger brother. Explains also why jews went so blonde in US, especially women

    #2233400
    CTLAWYER
    Participant

    AAQ
    I am not the relative of a Senator.
    CT has had a number of Jewish Senators in the past 60 years and I have known all of them and been close social friends with Lieberman and Blumenthal.

    As for Jewish women going blonde in the USA, I must relate a current story. I have recently started ‘dating’ for the first time in more than 45 years. I went out with three different women in the past month. All three were portrayed to me in pictures as blondes. All three were wearing grey/silver wigs when we met. My grey hair and beard in my profile picture matches reality.

    #2233443
    Goldilocks
    Participant

    Always Ask Questions,
    I work in a preschool, and quite a number of my students are blonde. I wouldn’t imagine that they’re wearing wigs; they most likely are naturally blonde.

    #2233530

    Okok, I didn’t mean to attack blonde Jewish Americans.
    Maybe someone in town can conduct an experiment Counting
    blonde prevalence on two sides of the mechitza, with and without wigs. Ctl, bshaa tova

    #2233814
    GadolHadofi
    Participant

    CTL,

    May you have much success in finding your match and may it be a pleasant and smooth experience!

    #2233919
    CTLAWYER
    Participant

    @GadolHadofi
    Thank you for your good wishes.
    I must say the process is quite different than what I went through more than 45 years ago.
    Then you were concerned about the parents, now one may be subject to approval or veto by children and grandchildren.
    I am moving through this slowly, my progeny has been provided for and are not concerned about losing yerushah.
    I am not looking for a replacement for Mrs. CTL, but a companion and partner for the next stage of my life.

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