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It is disappointing to see photos of Gedolim, who are supposed to be the leaders, attending lavish Chasunahs in exotic locations. Some of them are known for preaching “prishus” and then we find them at these over-the-top simchas because the ba’al hasimcha is a big donor. When will our leaders actually lead us and stop attending these simchas? Does having a large bank account consititute a Heter to do whatever you want with Rabbinic approval (with photos posted for all to see)?
I think the problem is because people have lavish simchas but give very little tzedakah, but if they do both it’s totally different imo
If you recall, the last time that a kol koreh was issued against elaborate weddings, the signatories exempted themselves. I guess leading by example is goyish.
To Koifer Bikur
What’s best is to work on yourself rather than trying to change the world. I understand your frustration, but the situation isn’t going to change until Hashem decides that He’s had enough of this rampant obsession with Gashmiyus.
I heard from my Rebbe as follows: A wealthy Ba’al Tzedakah once came to Rebbe Dov Ber, the Maggid of Mezeritch [the premier disciple of the Ba’al Shem Tov, and previously of the P’nei Yehoshua, circa 1700 – 1772.] He excitedly told the Tzaddik how he took upon himself a program of ‘prishus’ and [during the weekdays presumably] only ate dry bread and drank plain water etc. To which the Maggid replied: “No, no, that’s not for you at all! If you eat dry bread, you will expect the poor people to eat rocks… If you drink water, you will expect the poor to drink mud… Eat well, drink well, dress well, and help others well…”
to quote your own words
You are not a hypocrite. It’s YOUR mitzvah and you have no obligation to expalin to anybody what you plan to do with it. Your friend should mind his own business.Start with the machshirim. If the arrangement is lavish, no hechsher or hashgocho.
I think your focusing too much on being led instead of being a leader yourself. Use your own free will to the benefit of yourself and those that contradict themsleves, well they have to live with that, don’t they
Yaakov Yosef A 100%
koifer beikur
chose an appropriate nickname …
a mevaze talmid haham is similar to a koifer beikur …
another name he could have used is … mehutsaf ….
.
.@Koifer-BIkur:
The choice of venue/location and amount of spending does not therefore mean a gadol should boycott the wedding.By that logic, the gadol should not allow into his shul or yeshiva anyone who does anything at all improper.
On Yom Kippur, we open the prayers by stating that we specifically permit those who sin to pray with the congregation. Obviously, if the wedding were halachically forbidden, like mixed dancing CH”V, then they (and others, too) would not be able to attend. But over-the-top spending is obviously not in that category.
You can’t make a Kol Korah against the hand that feeds you.
Koifer Bikur – There is nothing inherently wrong with a fancy wedding if the mechutanim can afford it. You speak as if it’s an aveirah, and you are ‘disappointed’ with the ‘lack of leadership’. When Gedolei Yisroel speak out against things that ARE actually aveiros, or at least way more problematic [including things the peanut gallery hold dear…] are you then happy that they DO show leadership?
PLEASE STOP THROWING AWAY YOUR OLAM HABBA BY BEING MEVAZE A TALMID CHOCHOM. IF SOMETHING BOTHERS YOU GO TO YOUR ORTHODOX RABBI AND ASK HIM
Let’s be real and see the situation as it is without losing focus. We all realize that the gedolim present were not giving a hechsher or approval on a way of life. They attended because it was in the interest of the greater good – that being the financial welfare of the Yeshiva- and that is acceptable and beneficial. It is not in anyone’s better interest to protest or boycott. No one needs to use a contributors wedding as a way to teach a lesson to the world- because the world understands why they need to attend- both for hakoras hatov for the past and an investment for the future.
If you have accepted that the proper way to make a wedding is to keep it simple yet mechubad- the pictures you have seen should not raise any questions on what you feel is right for you. Understand that there are exceptions to every rule and that fact should not sway your ideals nor your Emunas Chachamim.Attention Moderator:
I don’t think the nickname KOFER BIKUR is acceptable on a frum let alone charedi yeshivish forum. It should be considerd nivul pay. Thank you.YYA> There is nothing inherently wrong with a fancy wedding if the mechutanim can afford it.
There are such gezerot against excessive funerals from Mishna times, and was R Shimon b Gamliel who insisted on a modest funeral for himself.
So, it is possible to postulate a public policy based on how the kahal is affected.My chevrusa and I were once kicked out from a class, not because our (quiet) talking affected our learning, it did not, but “because others are following your example and do not understand the material”. It was a great mussar for us…
Is this a serious problem? If you have people who work hard, earn little, and then feel pressure to spend beyond their means, it is a very serious problem.
People who do not understand it, do not understand that “gelit is tzeit and tzeit is Toirah” – they probably either live in their parents’ basement or have government support.
I mean we’re talking about in this case people that support like six kollelim alone, so you can’t say they’re not holding equal weight spiritually. On the other hand it is true many times people that are blowing Millions on cars and pesach mansions barely give a cent to Torah and that should be condemned
You shouldn’t be asking. Where is our gedolom you should be asking why you don’t use your own free will to stay in your own budget and mindset of what you can afford.
All of you bashing me for talking about conformity and how far from realistic living we’ve become. This is exhibit Aהכסף יענה הכל thats the long and short of it!!
Everyone is missing the point!!!
There is a famous story with the Razluvcher rebbeh that one year before purim the chassidim saw him doing jumping jacks on a bridge.
The chassidem asked him: “Rebbeh why are you doing jumping jacks on a bridge?”
The rebbeh broke into laughter for 5 minutes and then responded: “the real question is… why aren’t you a gartel?
The mashpia i heard this mayseh from said of course there is much secrets contained in the story but there is also the simple pshat!!
We get caught up with foolish arguments but the question is…..WHY ARE WE NOT GARTELS?Around two years ago, I complained about lavish simchas
right here on this web site, and right here in this Coffee Room.It was a waste of time because most people
responded by ignoring my warning or ridiculing me.Most people do not want to change their ways;
because they are set in their ways,
and they do not like people who want them to change.
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