December 6, 2012 4:37 pm at 4:37 pm #911688
In my house my daughter wanted to light because she would have been the only one who wasn’t. Now that she is older, I think she feels funny lighting because many of her friends don’t, but that is what our Rav paskened and that works for us.
yenta – Sometimes I, too, think Chanuka has been trivialized (it’s become the holiday of toys) but I try hard to make sure the candle lighting isn’t. Think about the fact that your mitzvah of lighting is to publicize the mitzvah and any secular Jew who passes by your house may be taken in by the beautiful lights of your menorah. Even if he has a momentary wish for a better connection, it is still in your zchus. And that isn’t such a farfetched possibility.
yitay – HI!!!!December 6, 2012 4:52 pm at 4:52 pm #911689
Lol Syag, hi there 🙂December 6, 2012 6:08 pm at 6:08 pm #911690
To be honest, I didn’t read the whole back and forth here, but I think an important aspect of mehadrin vs. mehadrim min hamehadrin was not addressed.
Tosfos says clearly that the basic mitzva is one candle per household. Mehadrin is each person lights 1 candle. So if there are 6 people in the house, all 8 nights 6 candles are lit. Mehadrin min HaMehadrin is that on the first night one, second two candles, third three etc. That is that ONE person in the family lights ONE menorah for the whole family. Tosfos explains that if each person lights more than it is not clear from looking at the window what night of chanukah it is.
The Rambam argues on Tosfos and clealy states that if there are 10 people in the house, the father lights 10 candles on the first night, 20 on the second, 30, 40,50 … The achroinim have an explenation for this machlokes. So from Tosfos, a son OR a daughter would not light and the father would light for EVERYONE ONE menorah and the RAMBAM holds that sons and daughters don’t light rather the father lights for them.
It is possible that Tosfos is only refering to where people don’t use a menorah, rather they use class cups standing alone, (a common thing in Eretz Yisroel where people light outside), and one wouldn’t be able to tell which night of Chanukah it is. But if each person has his own menorah (as is the standard in the USA) maybe Tosfos would agree that each person light his own.December 6, 2012 8:57 pm at 8:57 pm #911691
Well your house sounds like a fun place and in truth its very difficult for kids to relate to the seriousness of a mitzvah and therefore the gifts and all the other stuff helps them feel excited about Yomtov (I dont know if this is the right approach or not, however I personally think we overemphasize the outer trappings and make too little stress on the importance of the mitzvah and what its all about).
Maybe try to push for singing Maoz Tzur. That may add some meaning for the family. For yourself though to feel “into” any Mitzvah you have to be involved in it. Know what its about and why we are doing it. I think it would be beneficial to think for a minute or 2 before lighting about why we are lighting, and try to feel thankful to Hashem for all the goodness he has done and constantly does for us, and that we live in a country where we can light a Menorah and keep the Torah to our hearts content as opposed to living under the Greeks who made it illegal under the penalty of death to do many of the mitzvos, as well as the Avodah in the beis Hamikdosh and specifically the lighting of the Menorah. You can also dwell on the fact that a little light dispels much darkness. Not only is this true in a physical sense, but it is even more true spiritually. You with your Menorah lighting are doing the will of Hashem and bringing more Godly light into the world and chasing away some of the darkness that is so prevalent in the world today. You are making a difference.
Im glad you have decided to light this year and I hope it will be more meaningful than ever.December 6, 2012 9:13 pm at 9:13 pm #911692
OOmis -LOOk Up! Plenty of Shittos saying Women and Girls Should Not light and it isn’t Mehudar.
I personally – when I was married – gave my girls the choice, but not my wife. I think they lit until Bas Mitzva, but not after that. “
My Rov disagrees with you about girls lighting,and there are also shittos that it SHOULD be done (we don’t in my family, but that is our choice). He agrees that married women should not, but believes that the more members who each have his/her own menorah, the more mehudar the fulfillment of the mitzvah.December 7, 2012 4:19 pm at 4:19 pm #911693
OOmis -“My Rov disagrees with you about girls lighting,and there are also shittos that it SHOULD be done (we don’t in my family, but that is our choice). He agrees that married women should not, but believes that the more members who each have his/her own menorah, the more mehudar the fulfillment of the mitzvah.”
First of all, why did you say “disagree” -when I just posted that I told my girls to light (if they wanted to) and not my wife?
Are you not able to comprehend my post?
Second of all, unless you live in Passaic, I doubt you and her have the same Rov.
But from Reading the Whole Topic here -it seems that many hold Girls Should Not light. So You Should Not tell her what to do, but she should ask her Own Rabbi/Rov!December 7, 2012 5:11 pm at 5:11 pm #911694
WIY, the 2 that make it a contest are 19 and 17 but can be rather immature. between the 2 of them its nearly intolerable for me sometimes. but thats not for now.
“me’at min ha’or harbai min hachoshech”. something i havent thought about in a while. interesting idea. I’ll keep that in mind…
A Freilichen Chanukah!December 7, 2012 8:12 pm at 8:12 pm #911695
“First of all, why did you say “disagree” -when I just posted that I told my girls to light (if they wanted to) and not my wife?
Are you not able to comprehend my post?”
B”H Health, I am fully compis mentis (sp?) and comprehended your post quite well, thank you. Nevertheless, you did post the following:
“OOmis -LOOk Up! Plenty of Shittos saying Women and Girls Should Not light and it isn’t Mehudar.”
Perhaps I should have said that my Rov disagrees with those SHITTOS (and not you personally for having mentioned them), and that he believes it IS mehudar. In any event, we do not do it. I do doubt that people cannot tell what day of Chanukah it is if there are several menorahs lit. It’s pretty obvious, if the menorah is visible. And for the sake of those who pass by and see the menorahs, the mitzvah of pirsuma d’nisah is on the pirsumah itself isn’t it, not in how many candles are burning.December 9, 2012 12:04 am at 12:04 am #911696
A feilichen lichtigen Chanukah to all, whether your girls light or not!!!!!!!!!!December 9, 2012 4:45 am at 4:45 am #911697
OOmis -“Perhaps I should have said that my Rov disagrees with those SHITTOS (and not you personally for having mentioned them),”
Yes, that was My point.
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