I was going to post a time-travel joke, but you didn’t like it
That joke is sooooo old
Why does the chosson crack the glass at the wedding?
Because it is the last time he is putting his foot down.
Why does the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.
Why does the Lubavitcher cross the road? To be mekarev the chicken.
A religious man and a chaver hakneses were walking together. The chaver haknesses was not nice to the religious man so he wanted to tell him off. He told him, three beings complained to Hashem, the alyah revii. alenu and a mamzir. The revii was complaining that people don’t consider it important. Alenu was complaining that people run out and the mamzir was complaining that it is not his fault. Each was repaid. The revii was placed in the shira and alenu in Rosh Hashono and Yom Kippur musaf prayer.
Asks the chavrei knesses what about the mamzir? Answers the religious man, he was made chaver haknesses.
A student wanted a letter of acknowledgement of his learning abilities. The rebbe signed it on the bottom of the page. He said it says, מדבר שקר תרחק.
Wikipedia has a page called “Category:Positions within the British Royal Household.”
It’s not a joke, but it might amuse you.
When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that
G-d doesn’t work that way – so I just stole one and asked Him to forgive me!
So I’m at the Wailing Wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon…
Why can’t you have a dry שלום זכר?
A friend, whose name is Sheye said that it is good that his father did not call him also Getzel because than he would have been called Sheygetzel.
From an AI’s attempt to generate CNN headlines (real):
Why the Stock Market is Trying to Get a Lot of Money
The US China Trade War is so Middle Class
Bank of the Stock Market is Now Now the Biggest Ever
The Best Way to Avoid Your Money
How Much You Need to Know About the New York City
How to Make a New Tax Law for Your Boss
The Stock Market Market is the Most Powerful Money
Goldman Sachs is a New Super Bowl
Facebook is Buying a Big Big Deal
Why Apps in the Country
5 Ways to Trump on Chipotle Industry is the Random Wedding
Premarket Stocks Surge on Report of Philadelphia Starbucks Starbucks Starbucks
Companies behaving badly:
Walmart Grilled With a New Leader in Murder Tech
Coca-Cola is Scanning Your Messages for Big Chinese Tech
Amazon Wants to Make Money Broadcasting from Your Phone
Should I Pay My Workers
Amazon is Recalling 1 Trillion Jobs
Star Wars Episode IX Has New Lime Blazer
Mister Rogers in Washington
Black Panther Crushes the iPhone XS and XS Max Max
How to Build a Flying Car Car
You Make Doom Stocks
The Fly Species Came Back to Life
India Gets a Bad Mocktail Non Alcoholic Spirit
How to Buy a Nightmare
One day a man walked in to a bar…
“Amazon Wants to Make Money Broadcasting from Your Phone” is something that could potentially make sense.
yankel suggested to berel for keeping mice away, to put a piece of afikoman at the hole where they are coming from, once they eat from the afikoman they are not allowed to eat anymore, so they wont come back.
berel asked, how do the mice know this halacha?
yankel answered, the mice ate up in my house a whole SHULCHAN ARUCH