Good stories

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    lamud vov tzadik

    A good story is worth a lot, even though there probably are loads out there, it’s a long time since I’ve heard a real good story, you know like the ones where someone goes up to the oliomus helyonim (not the tachtonim) and comes back down live to tell the story. And there we go we have a good story!




    For a good story you need to go outside in a storm.

    Patur Aval Assur

    ???”? ????? ??? ????? ????? ??? ???? ????? ????? ?? ?? ?? ???? ?? ?????? ????? ?? ???? ?? ??? ???? ???? ??? ????? ???? ??? ???? ??? ?????? ??? ?????? ??? ?”? ???? ?? ?????? ??? ??? ???? ?”? ?? ?? ????? ???? ????? ?? ?????? ???? ?????? ?? ??? ???? ????? ?? ???? ??? ???? ??? ????? ???? ????? ????? ??????? ?”? ??????? ??? ????? ??? ????? ???? ??? ?? ?????? ??????? ????? ?? ?? ?? ????? ??? ??? ?? ?? ?????? ?? ??? ?? ???? ??? ???? ?? ??? ????? ??? ?? ?????? ??????? ??????? ????? ????? ???? ??? ???? ??? ????? ??? ???? ??? ????? ??? ?????? ??’ ????? ?? ????? ???? ???? ?? ??? ??? ????? ???? ??? ??? ?? ??? ?? ????? ??? ??? ?? ????? ??? ????? ??? ??? ?? ?? ?? ?? ??? ?? ????? ??? ??? ??? ???? ???? ??? ??? ?? ????? ?????? ?????? ??? ????? ?? ??? ???????? ??? ?? ??? ?? ???? ????? ???? ??? ????? ???? ??? ???? ??? ?????? ??? ????? ??????? ??? ??? ??? ???? ????? ??? ?? ????? ??????? ????? ???? ?? ??? ???? ??????? ???? ????? ???? ????? ????? ??? ?????? ??? ?”? ???? ?? ?????? ?”? ???? ?”? ?? ?? ????? ???? ????? ?? ?????? ??? ??? ????? ???? ?????? ?? ??? ??? ????? ??? ???? ???? ?? ???? ???? ????? ??? ??? ??????? ??? ??? ?? ?????? ????? ???? ??????? ????? ?????? ??? ?? ?? ????? ????? ??? ????? ????? ??? ????? ????? ?????? ??? ????? ????? ????? ??? ??? ???? ?? ????? ???? ??? ????? ??? ???????? ??? ??? ????? ???? ????? ?? ???? ??? ????? ???? ???? ?? ???? ??? ????? ???? ???? ??????

    vayoel moshe

    Recently the viznitzer rebbe was on the street

    And he saw a boy waiting for someone to cross him so the rebbe went over took his hand

    And crossed the street with him


    Courtesy of Google Translate’s lack of Aramaic:

    Rival drape shareholders and employs Torah said Eilat love and sylph if learners like Egon up on that passion is not MAGNA Shakib said the angel of death Zyl Lia Lia workable fellows ran out Aithzi AL splice Lia Lia said I Doctai AL life Give me Scinc Dlma Mbatt me dicta hopes that ran a simpleton buckets meta Ka committed Julia Ware fell Lhhua hand Initiating Karna flags AL Bsboata real Atina said Kodsha Brich is non Aitshil Asboata Nihdr island do not Nihdr said Lia Give me a knife not pay attention huh ka kala-year-old Lia irrelevant and Lia said second ran a Dmitbaa baraita announces Elijah Kmih Make room bar Hughie Make room bar Hughie drained forget to R. Simeon ben Yohai Daoh Itib on three ten Tctki Pisana he said to him the bar is Hughie said Lia are looking bow ever make Lia said they then do you not Bar Hughie nor is real Hui too but thought not hold Tibota Lnfshai Rabbi Hanina ben Pappa bridesmaids passion that passion Ka okay mentally said Lia angel of death Zyl workable Lia fellows ran out of her and Aithzi Lia Lia said Becky Tltin day to Dnadr Tlmodai Damari Blessed is he who comes here and specimens Kia hand carve Tltin old Lia ran out Aithzi I Doctai splice AL AL AL life Give me Scinc Dlma Mbatt me dicta He said to him as a friend said to me Lmiabd problem Lia spelled Torah and chest who Aicha it is written every existing real Julia who said Aichrct animals Ratn and Aiaskt turn even the most that Noah mental stop Lia Amoda denura between Didier Alma and squirting real stops Amoda denura but single Dara or Thrin Dara battle for which Rabbi Alexander said he did to honor wise not Asgh made ??to honor your father did not Asgh made ??to honor yourself Aistlk


    randomex- lol, gr8 idea!


    I once saw a label on a grape juice bottle that had its disclaimers in Hebrew, and someone obviously ran a program like google translate and the same list was right below it in English. The hebrew said “Naki meichashash arlah etc” and the English had a literal translation right below it. “free of any concerns of foreskin”

    I hope this comment makes it through the MODs. It was the funniest label I think that I’ve ever seen!!

    Patur Aval Assur

    Real translation:

    (The context was a discussion about people with a certain disease.)

    R’ Yehoshua Ben Levi would attach [himself to] them and engage in Torah study, saying “‘a beloved hind inspiring favor’, if it bestows favor upon those who learn it, will it not protect them?”

    When he [R’ Yehoshua Ben Levi] was to die they said to the Angel of Death “Go and do his will”. He [the Angel of Death] went and appeared to him. He [R’ Yehoshua Ben Levi] said to him “show me my place”. He said to him “ok”. He [R’ Yehoshua Ben Levi] said to him “give me your knife lest you frighten me on the way”. He gave it to him. When they got there he lifted him and showed [his place to] him. He [R’ Yehoshua Ben Levi] leaped [and] he fell to the other side. He [the Angel of Death] grabbed him by the corner of his cloak. He [R’ Yehoshua Ben Levi] said “I swear that I will not come”. The Holy One Blessed Be He said “If he [had previously] abandoned [i.e. annulled] oath then let him go back; if not then let him not go back”. He [the Angel of Death] said to him “give me my knife”. He would not give it to him. A Divine Voice went forth [and said] “give it to him for it is necessary for the creatures”. Eliyahu announced in front of him “vacate a place for the son of Levi, vacate a place for the son of Levi”. He went [and] he found R’ Shimon Ben Yochai who was sitting on 13 stools of gold. He [R’ Shimon Ben Yochai said to him “You are the son of Levi?”. He said “yes”. “Was a rainbow seen in your days?” He said “yes”. “If so, you are not the son of Levi”. But [in fact] it was not so – there was nothing [i.e. no rainbow], but he thought “I will not assign goodness to myself”.

    That’s the first half. The second half is a different story which I will hopefully translate soon.


    midwesterner, that is very funny!!



    Midwesterner you made me LOL!!Not as funny as yours, but:

    in HK airport there’s a shop advertising “free duty”

    Also, I once saw a baby album in a store in shefa mall which had obviously been translated, it read:

    “Hello, baby, love you Mom and Dad…

    Hello, baby, you cry today,

    My mother is also very sad…

    Hello, baby, look at you

    Shouting happy,

    Well-being of mothers

    felt good all of

    a sudden enrichment…

    Hello, baby wrestling today,

    you are not careful,

    and remember that after careful Oh…..”

    If someone could please explain what on earth the author was trying to say I’d be very appreciative

    Patur Aval Assur

    Translation of the second part:

    R’ Chanina Bar Popa was his [The Angel of Death as per Rashi] comrade. When he was to die, they said to the Angel of Death “go do his will”. He went to him and showed [himself] to him. He [R’ Chanina Bar Popa] said to him “leave me 30 days until I review my learning for they say ‘fortunate is the one who comes to here and his learning is in his hand'”. He left him. After 30 days he [the Angel of Death] went [and] he showed [himself] to him. He [R’ Chanina Bar Popa] said to him “give me your knife lest you frighten me on the way”. He said to him “You want to do to me as your friend [did to me]?” He said to him “Bring me a Torah Scroll and show me if there is anything written in it which I did not fulfill”. He said to him “Did you attach yourself with the Ba’alei Raasan [the people who had the disease that was mentioned in the previous story] and engage in Torah study?” And even so, when he died, a pillar of fire separated between him and the world, and we have a tradition that a fire only separates for one or two [people] in a generation. R’ Alexandri drew close to it [and] he said “do it [i.e. remove the fire] on account of the honor of the sages”. He disregarded him. “Do it on account of the honor of your father.” He disregarded him. “Do it on account of your own honor.” It departed.


    I was inspired by the “Babelfished” phenomenon in which

    selected text is run through a translation program multiple times

    from one language to another until finally it is in in the original language again, but it’s not exactly right anymore.

    Patur Aval Assur
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