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I think many of those whose nature it has always been to relish a juicy tidbit, will start and end the juicy tidbit with a krechtz and say “Oy- what can we do to help?” to ward off any guilt they might have and to look better in the eyes of the listener. I would think that with or without the krechtz, it’s Lashon Hara.
How do we respond to those who speak of others’ problems for no reason (the instances where it’s understood that the average person can’t help) without insulting the speaker? My feeling is that certain problems can’t be helped and there’s no excuse to discuss them behind others’ backs.
When is it permissible to discuss others’ problem (if ever)?
When I’m not in the act and I’m alert enough to think of it that way, it is possible to display an extreme disinterest of that topic. You say, ‘I don’t know, whatever’ and move to a different topic.
“When is it permissible to discuss others’ problem (if ever)?”
If you truly are going to help the person with what they need. You Will look for a shidduch for them. You Will go out and collect $ for them. So and so on.
Yes, unfortunately many people enjoy speaking about others, which is pure LH.
Ex. -Even though it’s innocent -how many people when asked what is with so and so, will answer -Oh, he/she is divorced? Who gave them the right to spread this around, unless they are really trying to help the person. If the person asking is just curious and isn’t really going to make any effort to help, then the correct response is – “I don’t really know what is going on with so and so”!
in response to the question of the title (which is completely different that the post)
yes, tremendously!
i have seen a huge difference in the last 20 years or so. before the Chofetz Chaim Heritage Foundation, the majority of frum Yidden werent even aware of the issur.
That’s great. Now if we could only have the same success with reducing pritzus, and making people aware…
youre right shein
i think tznius has greatly and rapidly worsened over the same time period. i dont mean the technicality of inches (which is of course critical in itself). i mean the frummest women, even young Rebbiitzens, dressing in a manner (well i cant say) and its not only accepted but expected.
of course there are some true Aishes Chayalos, who are exceptions.
i do not understand the reason for this except perhaps that we have been living in america immersed in the nations for too long.
it is frightening.
I think we need a Chofetz Chaim Tznius Foundation to educate us about tznius with the same effort that the Chofetz Chaim Heritage Foundation educates us about loshon hora. Afterall, it is the same Chofetz Chaim who writes strongly about tznius as he does about shmiras haloshan.
today a proper Yirei Shomayim man should probably not attend a Chasunah. i do, and i rationalize it in many ways, but it really should not be done. most Chasunahs that im aware of anyway.
yes i know the Gedolim attend, but they are able to insulate themselves from the problem in many ways
“When is it permissible to discuss others’ problem (if ever)?”
Recently I was asked to help collect funds for a neighborhood family, to help them make a chassuna. My Rav told me that I was forbidden to tell people who I was collecting for (they would be embarrassed), and the only situation where it was permitted, was if it would result in the person giving more if they knew who they were giving for (and even then, there were conditions – those situations I had the Rav make the call!).
I would say it is the rare circumstance where one is permitted to discuss others’ problems.
youre right shein
Mod – Aishes Chayalos? I’m sure you meant to write N’shei Chayil.
well no, thats exactly what i meant to write. it would be very hard to make such a complicated typo. thank you for being dan l kaf zchus though. it is apparently not gramattically correct but that is what i intended to write
thank you
So many things became more accepted. Music, Tznius, Apikursus, Taavos. On the other hand many things got picked up as well. Torah spread to formerly unknown horizons, and in a sense, Tznius standards rose, too. Tzedaka almost exploded (unfortunately, so did the need for it), and Dikduk in Mitzvos became in style.
So many things became more accepted. Music, Tznius, Apikursus, Taavos.
Wolves. 🙁
The Wolf
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