Heels on Dates
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- This topic has 143 replies, 68 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 4 months ago by Basmelechpenima.
September 4, 2011 4:15 am at 4:15 am #599131
I am 6 feet and the girl I am dating is 5’3. We went on a first date on Thursday and she showed up in flats!! If she was just a drop shorter than me I would understand but come on there was a 9 inch height difference and she clearly knew that cuz my height is on my resume. I was really upset because I felt that at least on a first date the girl should put on nice heels. I took the time to shower, shave, brush my teeth get my suit dry cleaned, shine my shoes and put my hat on. I asked my rav and he said that although he sees my point I should give the girl a second shot. I don’t feel like it is right to go on a second date when I clearly am uninterested. When I am a married man I want to be proud of how my wife looks. I don’t think I am being so crazy – many of my friends agree with me.September 4, 2011 5:42 am at 5:42 am #1125931passion4musicMember
I understand, but its not enough of a reason to not go again. For all you know she had a great reason why she wore flats. And when ur married u can buy her what ever u want and u can encourage her to wear what u like. First see her middot and the more impportant things before saying no.September 4, 2011 5:52 am at 5:52 am #1125932bein_hasdorimParticipant
I hear you, but I actually agree with your Rov.
Although I don’t know if your post is serious, I do have much experience in this area, I honestly am shocked at your friends advice. Get wiser friends. Either they are very young, fresh out of the freezer, or similar, then I understand the inexperience.
If they are older than 23, then dude! Don’t take their advice in dating. It’s your future, not theirs, get some wiser counsel.
I don’t think you should let a pair of high heels, come between you and your potential life partner. Flats are cool too, and super comfortable. So be cool!
Wishing you much Hatzlacha in finding your Bashert.September 4, 2011 5:53 am at 5:53 am #1125933aries2756Participant
If height is such an issue for you, why are you agreeing to go out with girls shorter than 5’5″ or 5″6″. Do you know how many tall girls are out there who can’t find a tall boy like you? The average boy today is 5’9″ and many are even shorter. I think it is because the tall men in my generation married the short girls and we produced tall daughters and short sons.
Why is it that tall boys still go after us short women and then expect us to wear these 4 inch heels to make up the difference? Honestly is that fair? Every girl wants a tall guy and no girl is going to say “no” to a tall boy. It is really up to the guys who have an issue with height to look for a tall girl.September 4, 2011 6:18 am at 6:18 am #1125934
Arias what is wrong with going out with short girls? You want me to start being so picky and start saying no to girls shorter than 5’8 now? I’m sure that would help all the girls out there waiting to get married. All I’m asking for is that girl have a little self respect and put on a nice dress and heels for her potential husband. And I don’t think I’m getting bad advice from my friends, bec I see that they are very happy with their wives and I too want to be happy. I don’t want to go into a marriage thinking I’m settling and people will think ‘oh look at what a shlump so-and-so got.’ What do you want from me I’m a guy and I care about looksSeptember 4, 2011 6:27 am at 6:27 am #1125935Emunas ItechaMember
Stop looking at everyone else and look at yourself and your own life and what you think YOU need. Maybe say something to the shadchan that you feel she didn’t dress up enough and the shadchan could hint to the girl in a nice way if it matters that much to you. Look at the girls middos, talk about goals, aspirations, personality. Dont say no to a second date because of a silly thing like what kind of shoe she was wearing. This is your life. That is just my opinion. If you end up liking her, you can hint something like, “You know, you looked nice when you wore heels the other day.” If its right, she would want to make you happy. Hatzlacha.September 4, 2011 6:30 am at 6:30 am #1125936
Are you looking to marry a pair of heels or are you looking for an Eishes chayil? dresscode can always be changed, but the person is what really counts. If she is definitely not your type and totally not compatible, fine so be it, but over a pair of shoes!!!!! come on get real!!! It takes moments to change a pair of shoes and a lifetime to change a person. I’m not saying that looks don’t count, If her physical appearance is terribly below your tastesbuds, leave at that, ’cause you can’t change that.
If you are comfortable enough you may even wish to discuss clothes with her… Every girl loves to talk about that. Ask her if she ever likes to wear heals… broach the subject of course in a gentle refined manner, and it will allow both of you to be closer, if you so wish to invest in the relationship..
Life is a multiple choice test, make the right decision. For it’s long term and there’s no turning back!September 4, 2011 6:32 am at 6:32 am #1125937RABBAIMParticipant
Heels may be uncomfortable and unhealthy. Many do not like them. You want someone to be uncomfortable for you?
Why don’t you look from her perspective……. he knew I am 5-3 and he agreed to go out…. finally a person who cares about who I am and not my height! Surely if he was hung up on height he would not have agreed to this!
My Rebbi used to say that his father frequently told his short family that height is measured from the shoulders up.September 4, 2011 6:32 am at 6:32 am #1125938WIYMember
Where’s the troll patrol?September 4, 2011 6:35 am at 6:35 am #1125939
WIY; mazeh shechonu alov??September 4, 2011 6:40 am at 6:40 am #1125940
A. She probably wasn’t paying much attention to the height. She probably just glanced at it to make sure you’re an average height.
B. Maybe she was very tired or had another reason for not wearing heels (something with her foot)
C. I really, really hope you’re kidding.
D. If this is the only issue you can find, you’re obviously dating a very special person.
I’ll add that I’m single and I don’t own a pair of heels. I think they’re bordering on not tznius (but thats just me) aside from being incredibly uncomfortable (not just me).September 4, 2011 6:46 am at 6:46 am #1125941TweetTweetParticipant
I have a friend who’s wife wore flats on the first date, even though there was a big height difference. She later said that she wanted him to get used to the way she really is. Now that she’s married, she usually wears heals. Listen–I think height difference is a legit reason not date someone, but once you agree to go out with someone and you know his/her height, I would give it another shot. And don’t listen to friends- they don’t have your best interests in mind, and some are plain stupid.September 4, 2011 7:04 am at 7:04 am #1125942
And yes I know just how important middos is, but a lot of the girls I dated had nice middos, did chesed, and blah blah blah, so I think it is possible to date someone with all of that and who cares how they look too. There are a lot of girls out there which we all know. I told the shadchan what I think and she didn’t think it was apprpoate to tell it to the girl, so now I am forced to go on another date with a girl who doesn’t care about looking presentable. I just dont get all these girls who claim they want to get married but dont’ act on itSeptember 4, 2011 7:11 am at 7:11 am #1125943
She didn’t look presentable or she looked presentable but wasn’t wearing heels? Two completely different things.September 4, 2011 7:24 am at 7:24 am #1125944MiddlePathParticipant
There’s a big difference between not looking presentable and not wearing heels. I’m sure she cares about how she looks. There could be a million reasons why she didn’t wear heels. Look at the positive. If everything else about her is great, then it would be incredibly foolish to say no right now. Honestly, if I said no to a girl because she didn’t wear heels on a date, I think I would die of disgust at myself.
But I really hope this thread is a joke. Usually, I don’t get so upset about joking threads, or I at least try to hold it in. But for this thread, you went too far. So if you are joking, I think you need to apologize to all single girls out there who want to get married and deserve to get married who are being ridiculed by your ridiculous statements. And if you are being serious, then I think you need to really work on yourself before you decide to go out on another date.September 4, 2011 7:29 am at 7:29 am #1125945
lots of girls wear flats first date bec they don’t know how tall the guy will beSeptember 4, 2011 7:32 am at 7:32 am #1125946September 4, 2011 7:40 am at 7:40 am #1125947Queen BeeMember
Okay, while looks are definitely important, I think judging a girl based on whether she wears heals is a little…ridiculous. Nothing against you, Joseph, but I think you need to pull back for a sec and think things through before complaining. Do you know what it’s like to wear heels? No, you don’t. I’m really short and I hate wearing heals, although I do wear them to weddings. Maybe the girl’s feet have been hurting, maybe she had a cut on her toe. I doubt your future wife will always wear heels, anyway. Will you still complain then? I think it’s really unfair. The girl probably worked hard picking out an outfit, deciding what shoes to wear (her [flat] shoes were decent?), and then you pick on something as irrelevant as her shoes? What ever happened to judging a girl on her inside?
To be honest, if the guy I went out with had a problem with me not wearing heels, I’d dump him.
I don’t mean to be harsh, but I think some people’s views on dating is so screwed.
MP + 2September 4, 2011 9:29 am at 9:29 am #1125948
So you say your going for a second Date, then keep us posted. We’re all waiting to hear from you!! Hope you make a wise decision in this. Don’t be foolish!! She might just be your bashert that you are pushing away over a lousey pair of shoes!!!September 4, 2011 11:28 am at 11:28 am #1125949pet peeveMember
if this isn’t a troll, i’d be very very surprised.September 4, 2011 11:31 am at 11:31 am #1125950mommamia22Participant
Are you going to demand that she wear heels during the week lest she look shlumpy?
Were you unattracted to her overall or only from the ankles down?
This topic is as silly as it sounds. Frankly, if her whole appearance changed because of a pair of heels, I think she deserves better, and you, well……
I understand that heels can dress up a look. I understand that you are tall and feel more comfortable with a taller girl and came with a certain expectation of her.
Your entitled to have your preferences, but you’re faulting her for not guessing what they are. That’s a very big problem in marriage, when people expect their spouses to guess and know what their needs are. You need to start relationships in the right way. Take responsibility for conveying your needs and preferences, and don’t get mad at another for not being a good navi.
I think you should ask the shadchan to ask her if she would mind wearing heels on the next date. See if the attraction changes, and then start working on yourself to stop measuring attraction with a ruler.September 4, 2011 11:40 am at 11:40 am #1125951mommamia22Participant
BTW, I know a couple who the girl is a full head taller than the guy (and she is gorgeous, and could’ve gotten ‘anyone’). They are blissfully happy and, B’H, have beautiful children. She never demanded that he wear heels. You’re tall in height, but short in self esteem. You need to feel good about yourself regardless of the woman on your arms (you gave yourself away when you said you didn’t want people commenting about how you got THAT girl). Height is a maala, but it’s not everything.September 4, 2011 11:50 am at 11:50 am #1125952ToiParticipant
youre not going to marry your bashert because…lets get this straight…you didnt like her choice of foot apparel??she didnt come in sneakers! she didnt come in sandals! she came in shoes. what are you going to do the first time your wife weants to wear a snood in public- i know!! divorce her!!ya!! cuz your not proud of a snood; noo you need a shaitel!!this is the most ridiculous post ive ever seen in my life. i hope its just a troll im overreacting to-cuz your head is on backwards if its not. please dont be the single most unforgiving person ever to get married- it wont work out too well in the long runSeptember 4, 2011 1:15 pm at 1:15 pm #1125953
JIB – ur right! don’t go out with her again. of all the nerve! what chutpah! – oh you thought i was referring to her? NO. ur the one with nerve and chutzpah! so why do i say u shouldn’t go out with her again? because you’ll be doing HER a favor! don’t waste her time. she deserves better.
for those who suggested he can buy her high heels when they get married, or tell the shadchan so she can convince her to wear high heels – please – give me a break. is that really so important? what if she doesn’t want to ever wear heels?
i may be going out on a limb here – but i think just maybe midos are a little more important than heels.
btw – my husband is 6″4 and i’m 5″4. he couldn’t care less! when we were first married, i liked wearing heels but i also wore flats. it didn’t make a difference to him at all. now i rarely if ever wear heels. flats are just so much more comfortable and healthy. they are also very stylish.September 4, 2011 1:24 pm at 1:24 pm #1125954Aishes ChayilParticipant
……….’and no girl is going to say “no” to a tall boy
What if she doesnt like him????
Aries, come on, your supposed to be smart!
You wana mull over that sentiment for a minute??September 4, 2011 1:42 pm at 1:42 pm #1125955golden momMember
unfortunately i believe him because i make shidduchim and these boys are too much they are the best boys great learners but when it comes to apperance omg and we have to tell the girl what to wear and what not to and how i just told a mother of a boy now if i tell the girls side what u want they will drop the whole thing right away it is not appropate if its coming from the boy and if its coming from u then ur a big shviger already…and im not going to say a word this is obviously who she is
a girl also invests alot of time getting ready and she obviously thought she looked goodSeptember 4, 2011 2:07 pm at 2:07 pm #1125957
The OP sounds like a heel himself…September 4, 2011 2:08 pm at 2:08 pm #1125958CheinMember
The OP sounds like ‘Moshiach please come’.September 4, 2011 2:12 pm at 2:12 pm #1125959bombmaniacParticipant
for some reason my post was deleted :D:D:DSeptember 4, 2011 2:13 pm at 2:13 pm #1125960giggle girlParticipant
just to let you know, i think heels are very uncomfortable. but also, i would have such a hard time walking in them i would probably be wobbling if i wore them! do you want a Kallah who wobbles? and yeah, tznius could be another issue. that’s one more reason i don’t wear them.
i gave you three reasons (two which were mentioned by other posters). i hope it changes your mind about the situation. like others have told you, if that’s the only issue – you’ve found a pretty great girl in my humble opinion.
BE DAN ES KOL HA’ADAM LIKAF ZCHUS – maybe she has a valid reason!September 4, 2011 2:16 pm at 2:16 pm #1125961☕️coffee addictParticipant
Thanks for the laugh,
If you think heels are m’akev you have other problemsSeptember 4, 2011 2:17 pm at 2:17 pm #1125962
Whenever I was on a date with a girl who was wearing heels, I would make sure to take her on a boardwalk or a cobblestone walkway, so I could see how she would react if her heel got stuck.
I had one whose heel snapped off and she just kept walking as if nothing happened. I thought that was ridiculous.
I had one who broke her ankle and literally made me call hatzala instead of just giving her a ride to the Emergency Room. I had even called over a random shiktza to help her hobble to the car but she just kept yelling for hatzala.
Girls are so weird.September 4, 2011 2:17 pm at 2:17 pm #1125963ImaofthreeParticipant
I am going to a wedding tonight…girl is not tall (5’3, 5’4) and the guy is over six feet. If you want a taller girl then ask the shadchan how tall the girl is and just don’t go out if you feel height is important to you.
just watch, you’ll get married to a young lady who is taller than you!September 4, 2011 2:19 pm at 2:19 pm #1125964
Thanks for the laugh yourself!September 4, 2011 2:23 pm at 2:23 pm #1125965methinksMember
Lol popa! That’s mean 😛September 4, 2011 2:25 pm at 2:25 pm #1125966
Why is being mean funny?September 4, 2011 2:33 pm at 2:33 pm #1125967
Why is being mean funny?
The opposite. Why is being funny mean?September 4, 2011 2:46 pm at 2:46 pm #1125968
That’s precisely the point.
Being funny should not include being mean.September 4, 2011 2:57 pm at 2:57 pm #1125969jewish sourceParticipant
Why Don’t you go to Macy’s buy yourself a pair of 10inch heels.Send out invitations your getting Married, put a deposit on a 20 piece orchestra……………
Metzad Hashaini Harav TEN INCH HEALS.September 4, 2011 2:59 pm at 2:59 pm #1125970Wife MommyMember
And this my friend is why you are still single! I am 5 feet tall and my husband is 6 feet tall. I usually do not wear heels. They are uncomfortable for me. Maybe she didn’t wear heels because she also thinks they’re uncomfortable. Maybe she’s happy with her height and doesn’t feel the need to look taller. Maybe you didn’t tell her where you were going on your date, and just to be on the safe side, she wore flats. Maybe you were going to be walking a lot. Dressing up for a date does not require heels. A person can still look nice without them. I think you need some maturing if heels is on your list of what you’re looking for in a wife.September 4, 2011 3:24 pm at 3:24 pm #1125971
The OP sounds like he’ll be “looking down” on his wife no matter how many inch heels she’ll be wearing…September 4, 2011 3:32 pm at 3:32 pm #1125972kylbdnrMember
I have a huge height difference between me and my chosson and I never wear heels…not even at weddings…they are very uncomfortable…how about trying to be in her shoes by trying to wear heels for a bit and see for yourself…September 4, 2011 4:20 pm at 4:20 pm #1125973
Popa – “girls are so weird” — hmmmm. I guess guys are so normal, huh? Oh well – I thought breathing in the Chicago air would help you a bit. You know – put some common sense in you. LOL 🙂
Anyway as far as the girl whose heel fell off – what did you want her to do?September 4, 2011 4:20 pm at 4:20 pm #1125974RABBAIMParticipant
Great topic for “ikvasa dimishicha”!September 4, 2011 4:22 pm at 4:22 pm #1125975
Anyway as far as the girl whose heel fell off – what did you want her to do?
I want her to act natural! Say “Blazes darn it! My heel broke! I can’t walk! Popa, we need to go back to the car right now.”
And then chew me out a bit for taking her on a boardwalk in heels.September 4, 2011 4:28 pm at 4:28 pm #1125976
popa – ok – maskim – she should have yelled at you 😉
btw – we still want to meet you. chaplaintzvi would love to chat with you. after all we have such a history with you on the cr.
but it’s all behind us – it’s chodesh elul. right?September 4, 2011 4:32 pm at 4:32 pm #1125977
after all we have such a history with you on the cr.
I don’t bear CR grudges.
(Except one.)September 4, 2011 4:36 pm at 4:36 pm #1125978
“Except one” I hope you don’t mean us! 🙁September 4, 2011 4:38 pm at 4:38 pm #1125979
“Except one” I hope you don’t mean us! 🙁
I mean the one who posted personal information about me to try to stop me from posting.September 4, 2011 4:40 pm at 4:40 pm #1125980
btw – popa – you should be enjoying our wonderful city of chicago instead of sitting at the computer. yes, i know the cr is addictive but….. come on. you’re on vacation.
go to navy pier, museums, botanic gardens, the zoo (oh wait, ur already on the cr. JK everyone. anyway there’s a lot to see here.
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