February 18, 2011 1:49 pm at 1:49 pm #595120SilentOneMember
Although expecting a new child in the family is a joyous time, the relationship between spouses is sometimes put to a test. My purpose is to discuss ways to be Mechazek husbands to provide the support needed by the wife and finding the strength to do so, while not getting “burned out”. A husband might suddenly see his wife change from being caring, warm and giving to more needy, dmanding and appearing less than caring for her husband. There is no room for criticism of pregnant women, since as a man, we cannot dare judge someone else without being in her place. But, for the women out there, perhaps you can advise the husbands what would be most appreciated during this period, both in terms of tangible Chessed, e.g. help more with chores , with the other children, but more importantly in terms of intangible Chesed, e.g. lending emotional support for their wife at a time when there may be heightened anxieties, tiredness etc. Can we get some feedback from men and women as to what works and what sets up the relationship even a stonger footing due to the extra caring and understanding provided. Specific examples of what worked would be nice. Also, how do you husbands find the strength to be the extra caring person, when sometimes your own needs are taking a hit during this period?
For those who have seen me on other threads, although sadly this discussion is not germane to me since my marriage became dissolved, I have a stong interest in helping other couples, perhaps through this forum. Yes, I was accused of not being able to provide emotional support during my ex-wife’s pregnancies. I tried even harder the next time to redeem myself from previous mistakes, but apparently my efforts fell short or were just not recognized. So I really want to see what others have to say either success stories or C”V less than success stories.February 18, 2011 3:12 pm at 3:12 pm #742145aries2756Participant
Some women become very emotional, some are just nauseous all the time, some are just unpredictable all due to hormones. So for lack of a better terrm try to stay one step ahead rather than one step behind. Hopefully you know your wife well enough to know whether she wants attention or not. Some women need the hovering and some women DON”T want it. If she is a neat freak, be extra careful to stay in line and not make extra work for her, or better yet try to be vigilant and help clean so she won’t have to. If she gets sick from the smell of cooking, offer to help in the kitchen, get take out, ask your mother to cook and pick it up, do whatever it takes to address the issue.
Are you catching on yet? Don’t invite company over before checking with her and ask her “are you up for company?” don’t ask her “I really would like to have so and so over” that will make her feel guilty and she will do it for you whether she feels up to it or not. If you have other kids, help, help, help with them or get help for her especially with cleaning and laundry (lifting and bending is more difficult at this stage). Understand that it is more important for her to rest than for you to rest, so when Shabbos roles around be considerate of that and let her get a refreshing nap while YOU watch the other kids.
Always tell her how beautiful she looks, no matter how big she is getting, or how many pimples broke out on her face because she is going to be very critical about herself and her swollen ankles. And yes, remind her to put her feet up.
The more consideration you show her at this time in your marriage the more she will appreciate and respect you. S1, very nice of you to try and teach the young men these Shalom Bayis basics.February 18, 2011 3:34 pm at 3:34 pm #742146apushatayidParticipant
May I suggest, that if you are taking your wife to hear megillas esther, go EARLY to ensure she gets a seat.February 18, 2011 4:01 pm at 4:01 pm #742147truth be toldMember
May I suggest, that if you are taking your wife to hear megillas esther, go EARLY and reserve a seat for her, to ensure she gets a seat.
If you have to, go back home to pick her upFebruary 18, 2011 4:25 pm at 4:25 pm #742148Pashuteh YidMember
What’s with these two almost identical comments from APY and TBT?February 18, 2011 4:30 pm at 4:30 pm #742149YW Moderator-80Member
they are identical twins and have this telepathic empathetic paranormal mental connectionFebruary 18, 2011 4:44 pm at 4:44 pm #742150deiyezoogerMember
woman are very fragile when it comes to pregnecy,so for the record,if it’s your first, it’s both of you first time experiment then take good care on her, whenever,whatever, where ever she is/ wants,and if it’s not the first she just wants to be a little more spioled. quess what then give it to her then also. when then should a wife get her attention if not when she is volnerable(if i’m using the word right in the right place not sure).they say “pamper yourself when you feel you need it most……”February 18, 2011 6:20 pm at 6:20 pm #742152apushatayidParticipant
Whats with the almost identical screen name to mine?February 18, 2011 6:28 pm at 6:28 pm #742153YW Moderator-80Member
wrong poster asking the question
Pashuteh Yid has been here since 9/2008
apushatayid has been here since 6/2010February 18, 2011 6:30 pm at 6:30 pm #742154ShrekMember
try to go along for some of her doctor appointments, sonogram, etc.February 18, 2011 6:53 pm at 6:53 pm #742155canineMember
There is also a third active “APushetaYid”February 18, 2011 10:11 pm at 10:11 pm #742156shuliParticipant
get her small gifts but not things tht are expensive like give her chocoalte and stuff and be EXTRA god to her.February 18, 2011 10:11 pm at 10:11 pm #742157shuliParticipant
get her small gifts but not things tht are expensive like give her chocoalte and stuff and be EXTRA good to her.
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