Hotel on Night of Chasunah

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  • #591733

    Kasha
    Member

    Is it hashkafically proper to go to a hotel on the night of your Chasunah? The ruchniyus of the day and night of ones wedding needs no introduction. Hotels serve a function when you are stuck someplace in yehupitsville and need lodging, but are far from being anything close to a makom kedusha. But am I crazy or the only one who thinks that the kedusha of ones own Chasunah night is best served in your own new home — the place you hope to build your Bayis Ne’eman B’Yisroel?

    #687165

    oomis
    Participant

    I see no reason why not. To each his own. Some people might feel that the ambience and “idea” of being in a hotel is very romantic.

    Others, like you, would feel more comfortable in their own home. Suppose their own home is a noisy apartment building? Maybe the wedding night would be less stressful further away from that down-to-earth aspect of building a new life together, the first time a chosson and kallah are spending time alone.

    #687166

    SJSinNYC
    Member

    Kasha,

    Aside from the fact that I think hotels are perfectly fine, keep in mind that many people’s apartments are not ready the night of their wedding. I had quite a few friends who stayed by parents or temporary places for the first few weeks of their marriage.

    And no, I would not want to spend the night of my Chasuna in my family’s house.

    #687167

    lakewoodwife
    Member

    Just from a practical perspective many times the Chasunah is not in the same city where the new couple are planning to live. As such often going to their own apartment is not possible.

    From a Hashkafic perspective I’m not sure what is wrong with going to a hotel. Most Chassanim and Kallahs do not go to the cheaper hotels/ motels (the ones where you might stay if you got stuck somewhere) they are going to higher class places that usually have a certain amount of decorum in the lobbies and public areas. We send them to these same lobbies to date so why shouldn’t they go there to stay once they are married?

    #687168

    artchill
    Participant

    Ask your chassan teacher.

    #687169

    smartcookie
    Member

    I think its so wrong. Hotels are not appropriate for such a big heilige night.

    Go home, you have a beautiful new home, and start building it!!

    #687171

    Kasha
    Member

    I agree with smartcookie.

    Perhaps I can understand if the Chasan/Kallah have the wedding out of town and their new home is not ready yet, and there is absolutely no alternative. But most of the time the new home is local and usually ready before the wedding, or they can be respectfully put up by family/friends just as they are during Sheva Brochos out of town.

    Someone mentioned it is more romantic. I think the ruchniyus of the Chasunah day far outweighs these foreign concepts of romance. Hotels, even fancy ones, were never places that have much ruchniyus associated with it. I don’t think I need to elaborate on that point. Of all nights on ones life, the night of ones own Chasunah, the ruchniyus permeating should I think be properly treated.

    #687172

    musicoutlet
    Member

    How about asking your Rov what to do.

    #687173

    smartcookie
    Member

    Romance? On the night of a wedding? Hhhmmm…

    I would save it for a later opportunity.

    #687174

    ☕️coffee addict
    Participant

    I think its perfectly fine. A lot of times it’s in the kallah’s city, so technically biyah reshonah is supposed to be in his rishus and her parent’s house doesn’t qualify (this is also true by his parents) and they’re planning on living somewhere else so i think it’s fine.

    #687176

    Kasha
    Member

    In extenuating circumstances I can perhaps understand. But in the most cases where their new home is available is what I am focusing primarily on.

    I really think many people don’t even think about this issue, to consider these points. If they would, I’d venture to say many people would think twice before going to a hotel, and would rather choose the home they plan to build their Bayis Ne’eman B’Yisroel to spend the kedusha of the first night of their new lives in.

    #687177

    dvorak
    Member

    Smartcookie- who says you have a “beautiful, new home” to go home to? We couldn’t even FIND an apartment until 2 days before; by the time the lease was signed, gas and electricity turned on, and whatever else was bare minimum for the place to be ready to occupy, it was 2 weeks after the wedding. And even then, we had not not a stick of furniture at that point, save for 2 mattresses. We lived with my mother for those first 2 weeks. With 4 younger siblings there, husband’s parents from out of town, and no apartment, it was simply impractical to spend our first night anywhere other than a hotel. It was in a comfortable, quiet, private location, no one could bother us, and we had some good, calm alone time following the chaos of the huge wedding we’d just had. What’s wrong with that?

    #687178

    smartcookie
    Member

    Devorak- OBVIOUSLY, if you don’t have a ready apt, then you need a hotel. You know I don’t mean that.

    But in a case where an apt is all ready and set up, I can’t understand how a couple can wait an extra night to move in there!!

    I saved the hotel for a different night!

    #687179

    A lot of people, who made a wedding in Lakewood, do not live and do not plan to live in Lakewood. Do you think it is a good idea for a Chasan after the wedding to drive 1-1,5 hours?

    #687180

    I agree that if the new apartment is set up it’s nice to be there the first night. However, there’s a certain feeling of it being the “first night” and many ppl feel that they want the night to be spent in a hotel setting. In addition, like most of the previous posters said, many times they are getting married in a different place than they are planning on living or their apartment is simply not ready.

    #687181

    Kasha
    Member

    “However, there’s a certain feeling of it being the “first night” and many ppl feel that they want the night to be spent in a hotel setting.”

    mischiefmaker

    That’s exactly what I’m talking about. Our Zaida’s and Bubbe’s in the alte heim didn’t have such ideas. This idea has crept into our people unfortunately, with people often not even thinking about this or where this foreign idea came from.

    #687183

    bpt
    Participant

    My Chosson teacher pointed out that logisticly, most hotels (like the Marriot or Hilton) will mean that one of the happy couple (presumibly the chosson) will spend the majority of their stay on the floor or the sofa. Its also most likely not near minyan, so that’s another big drawback

    This logistical problem would be avoided if the room were booked in a frum hotel.

    All things being equal, there’s no place like home!

    #687185

    nathan21
    Member

    bp totty. evey hotel ive stayed in has two beds.

    #687186

    dvorak
    Member

    BP Totty- You don’t need a frum hotel. Most hotels have rooms with two beds. You just have to remember to ask for such a room. Sad to say, but people often forget about such details as halacha.

    #687187

    mosherose
    Member

    Romance is not a yiddeshe concept. Its a 100% goyishe idea that we have unfortunately taken in.

    #687188

    Just-a-guy
    Member

    Why does the original poster ask the question if he already has an answer?

    #687189

    mosherose
    Member

    Who doesnt have the apartment ready? What do you do on the second day? Stay in the hotel then too?

    Theres nothing wrong with staying with family. In the heim new couples woudl spend their first years in parents houses before eventualy going out on their own.

    #687190

    mosherose
    Member

    “However, there’s a certain feeling of it being the “first night” and many ppl feel that they want the night to be spent in a hotel setting.”

    Theres no reason why anyone should need a hotel to make a night with their wife or husband special weather its the first night or any other time. I wish we could ban hotels altogether (except as emergency places to stay). Couples shoudlnot be spending nights in hotels for “romantic getaways”. They shouldbe at home bulding a bayis neeman.

    #687191

    kives
    Member

    there is nothin wrong wtih a little romance in a marriage at the right times.. i would be worried if a marriage didnt have it.

    #687192

    justsmile613
    Participant

    The wedding night is a very special night and go to a place where you dont have the urge to unpack your unopened boxes is a good idea.

    #687194

    mosherose
    Member

    “The wedding night is a very special night and go to a place where you dont have the urge to unpack your unopened boxes is a good idea. “

    You still dont have to go to a hotel. You can just go home and not unpack.

    #687195

    myshadow
    Member

    This thread is hysterical wow I have not been in the coffee room in forever. I’m sure those that are not yet married will come back here when planning where they will stay to get a review of the pros and cons :).

    Why does it matter to anyone? Some people like the idea of starting fresh in their own home and others understandably want the first night to be more special. Every hotel has a bridal suite that can be booked with 2 beds jewish or not.

    #687196

    myfriend
    Member

    The treife romance as referred to by general society is the antithesis of Yiddishkeit.

    And what could be “more special” than spending the first night of your new life in the Bayis Ne’eman that you are about to build, rather than in an unholy hotel room??

    #687197

    philosopher
    Member

    Big deal. Nur nisht argur.

    #687198

    philosopher
    Member

    I just want to point out in addition to my previous comment that when a couple falls back down to earth with a thud, they shouldn’t get any support for divorce.

    #687199

    d a
    Member

    Romance is not a yiddeshe concept. Its a 100% goyishe idea that we have unfortunately taken in.

    Take a look at Shir Hashrim.

    #687200

    myfriend
    Member

    Chas V’Shalom, lehavdil elef alfei havdolos, to compare the goyishe concept of romance to Shir HaShirim — which is the allegorical representation of the relationship of Hashem and Klal Yisroel.

    #687201

    emoticon613
    Member

    da – shir hashirim is NOT romance. it’s an allegory to the deepest LOVE that Hashem has for klal yisrael and vice versa. this is not romance – chas v’shalom!

    romance and love are two different things.

    #687202

    d a
    Member

    I am not comparing the goyishe romance to Shir Hashirim C”V. I am saying that there is an idea of romance in Yiddeshkeit and in the Torah.

    #687203

    emoticon613
    Member

    not the cheap goyishe kind.

    #687204

    myfriend
    Member

    d a, why don’t you check a dictionary for the meaning of romance. I shutter at having to spell it out on a frum website. It is not a word, or concept, that belongs in a Jewish mouth or home.

    #687205

    emoticon613
    Member

    shudder. but i think myfriend is right. it absolutely doesn’t have a place with us.

    #687206

    d a
    Member

    not the cheap goyishe kind

    of course not. But does that mean going to a hotel the first night cheap goyish romance?

    #687207

    myfriend
    Member

    Where did this idea of going to a hotel on the wedding night originate from? Someone named Peter McNeil or someone named HaRav Shlomo Yaakov Klein?

    #687208

    What is wrong with a chosson and kallah feeling a little pampered on the night of their chasunah? “Chosson Domeh L’Melech”- and there is no reason why he cant be treated as such and spend the first night with his kallah somewhere a little more kingly. And besides maybe they want a little extra privacy (or at least to feel like theyre in an isolated place with more privacy) on this first night that they spend together.

    #687210

    mosherose
    Member

    “Take a look at Shir Hashrim.”

    Take a look at the meforshim. It about torah and clal yisroel. It has NOTHING to do with romance.

    #687211

    mosherose
    Member

    Romance is 100% goyish and anyone who does it is probably oiver on chukas hagoy. Did you ever see a gadol be romantic? No becaus its not in our mesorah.

    #687213

    rt
    Participant

    let’s exchange “romance” for “love”, Love is indeed a cornerstone of yiddishkeit, even though romance is not; please note most of sheva brochos refer to love; the union of chosson & kallah is a dimyon to the love we should have for the Ribbono shel Olam.

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