How do you get out of saying you're going on a date?

Home Forums Shidduchim How do you get out of saying you're going on a date?

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  • #592583
    dunno
    Member

    What do people out there do? Some people get rather suspicious if you don’t answer texts for a few hours on some random night…

    #699751
    Pashuteh Yid
    Member

    You tell them Obama needs your help on an important matter, and you will be incommunicado, unless there is a national emergency.

    #699752

    You’re going to sleep early.

    With my siblings, I just say “I have a vort tonight” (works well when every other person you know is getting engaged)

    Or, just say that you are taking off time from your cell phone in order to work on yourself.

    #699753
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    You stop responding the rest of the time. Seriously, if your friends get suspicious when you don’t answer a text for a few hours, it’s time to break your phone.

    #699754
    mybat
    Member

    Let them get suspicious! If youre on a date you dont have to announce it but let them think whatever they want!

    Worse comes to worse they figure out you went out!!

    #699755
    RN2B
    Member

    I don’t think your friends need to know where you are and what you’re doing every second of the day. Tell them to mind their own business.

    Or just simply say you were on a date-not such a big deal.

    #699756
    oomis
    Participant

    Just because people ask, does not obligate you to answer.

    #699757
    MichelleNY
    Member

    Sorry I wasn’t by my phone, I had to help my mom with something!

    Wow I can’t believe I was so tired I fell asleep so early- feel so refreshed!

    #699758
    smartcookie
    Member

    How about saying your phone battery was dead and was charging?

    Anyway, you should get used to not responding at the moment you get a text. This was they won’t get suspicious if you don’t respond.

    #699759
    WIY
    Member

    What’s wrong with being on a date? your friends should give you space and realize that since you are of age (as they likely are as well) there will be nights that you will be out on a date. If they can’t give you that space and have some respect for your privacy then there’s something wrong with them. Just tell them that there will be nights you will be unavailable and you will be on dates and you don’t think that its anyones business that you should have to announce in advance “oh I have a date tonight don’t text me from ___ to ____ time.”

    #699760

    My friends would all know I’m on a date without asking-I wouldn’t be able to keep my mouth shut lol.

    #699761
    dunno
    Member

    It’s not that I answer every second. I’m really not addicted to my phone. But I don’t like talking about my dating life even with close friends. And generally I usually answer within an hour or two so when I go out… I like the dead phone and went to sleep early excuses. Good one for next time…unless my friends linger around the coffee room…

    #699762
    WIY
    Member

    dunno

    I find it strange that you would rather lie (yes making something up is a 100% lie except in the rarest occasions like for Shalom Bayis) than be mature and honest and tell them that you are dating and you won’t always be available. Saying you are dating isn’t talking about your dating life. It should be a given to your friends that you are dating and if they are normal people they will respect your wishes for them not to pry into your dating life. If you have to hide fom your friends the fact that you are dating and you would rather lie to them than tell them then you and them aren’t really friends, you are just people pretending to be friends.

    #699763
    missme
    Member

    wiy, i very much disagree with your comment. 1) there is no reason anyone needs to know you are dating someone on whatever day. in fact, it is a little bit lacking tznius to discuss. 2) how do you reconcile your above comment about being “honest”, with your previous assertions in the CR, that it is okay to lie about your previous immoral behavior to potential shidduchim?? 3) your assumptions of who is or isn’t a friend, based on what you don’t tell them is quite faulty.

    #699764
    WIY
    Member

    Missme

    Please read what I wrote and don’t take me out of context. You also took me out of context from my previous posts. I really should tell you to reread them. I thought I was clear the first time 2 times but Ill try a 3rd. There’s nothing wrong with telling your friends that you “are in shidduchim and are thus dating” and therefore if on certain nights you won’t answer your phone it will be and should be obvious that you are on a date, I never said you should discuss who what when…just say you are in the dating scene and will not always be available at night. Its normal for girls post seminary age to be dating so if you can’t be straight up with your friends on that and have a simple discussion and get an understanding something is wrong.

    As for my posts regarding not discussing past, I said one doesn’t have to disclose what they did in the past. It wasn’t my opinion, it was a psak Halacha, furthermore there was a very good reason not to disclose, if the person is past it and it has no bearing on who he is now and who he will be in the future, then it has no purpose, it will only get in the way of him finding someone normal to marry. One doesn’t have to tell their spouse about every event and stage they went through in their life unless it will enhance the marriage. Such information won’t so its not necessary. We see in the Torah that Hashem altered the truth when telling Avraham what Sarah said regarding him having a child, Hashem wants people to have Shalom Bayis and one may lie for shalom bayis. We also saw Yakov steal the Brachos and alter the truth by that event. Clearly when its necessary and within specific Halachic parameters one may lie.

    Lieing to your friend every time you have a date can equal many tens of lies for no reason. I would ask a Rav before going that route. If the lie isn’t mutar it will only distance you from your friends.

    #699765
    emoticon613
    Member

    if you’re in seminary, say you went on a date. no one will believe you…it works, if you weren’t just tearing through the dorm in search of something normal to wear cuz all your clothes are at the laundromat.

    #699766
    kapusta
    Participant

    dunno

    I find it strange that you would rather lie (yes making something up is a 100% lie except in the rarest occasions like for Shalom Bayis) than be mature and honest and tell them that you are dating and you won’t always be available. Saying you are dating isn’t talking about your dating life. It should be a given to your friends that you are dating and if they are normal people they will respect your wishes for them not to pry into your dating life. If you have to hide fom your friends the fact that you are dating and you would rather lie to them than tell them then you and them aren’t really friends, you are just people pretending to be friends.

    Dont agree. I think its an issue of tznius. Plus, especially among (some) girls, dates do not always come that easily. And while a friend may know someone is dating, its different to actually be told that to your face. No reason to cause bad feelings unnecessarily.

    *kapusta*

    #699767
    apushatayid
    Participant

    Why can’t you be on a date? Unless your already married or only 11 years, dating (in whatever context that means to your family) is normal for someone who is of the appropriate age.

    And how addicted to texting are you and your friends that if C’V you don’t respond to a text within an hour or 2 the whole world comes to an end?

    #699768
    Dr. Pepper
    Participant

    Once you hit a certain age it’s more embarrassing to not be dating than to be dating.

    #699769
    dunno
    Member

    It’s pretty obvious that most girls post sem are dating. I still see no need why anyone has to know about each date. Just because I don’t tell my friends anything and everything about my life I still consider them friends. As others have mentioned I think there’s a tznius aspect involved.

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