how to become more religious?

take it one step at a time. take upon yourself one mitzva a week/day to become more serious in from now on forever. start with easier mitzvos that are not so hard to add to your life

be matzliach

The desire is the most important thing. It’s wonderful that you want to become more religious. But you must take some action so it doesn’t dissolve. Mashiach Agent is right about one step at a time, although one Mitzva a week/day sounds like it could be too much.

When you add on one thing even if it’s very small, it leads to more automatically. The best is to pick something that is not too hard as MA said but at the same time something that will inspire you. It should be something that will make you feel good about your connection to Hashem so that it will lead to more growth. Maybe try to have kavana for one particular phrase in davening that speaks to you. Or add a tefilla that you don’t already say.

It’s also a good idea to ask Hashem for help. I heard a beautiful story about that, but I’m too tired to post it now. I will try to do it tomorrow bli neder.

Take on a full awareness/observance of kashrus. Only eat yoshon, cholov yisroel, pas yisroel, and only eat prechecked vegetables from Postiv/Kosher Gardens. Be careful only to use meat from a good, chasidishe shechita. By doing so, you’ll avoid timtum halev.

Take on kabbolos in tznius, assuming you’re a woman. Long, loose fitting clothing, keeping the collarbone covered fully, not wearing shoes that make noise, not talking in public, not drinking from a can or bottle in public, not wearing perfume, making yourself unnoticed, basically. By causing a man to become distracted by your presence is a major aveirah.

Shomer negiah, no guy friends, no watching tv, movies, or listening to secular music are all a given.

Learn lectures from manhigim such as R’ Wallerstein, R’ Avigdor Miller, R’ Yosef Mizrachi, and others.

Learn “Messilat Yesharim”. First make sure that you keep the basic Halacha (zerizut and nekiut) then think about chumrot. Be especially careful about ben adam l’chavero and chillul Hashem (i.e. dealings with non-frum Jews, gentiles and the government). The fact that none of the above commenters has mentioned these matters is extremely disturbing.

Sparkly – I like lightbrite’s advice. I think you should listen to him/her.

Positive self-talk is also very important. Every time you accomplish even a small thing, tell yourself how wonderful you are. If you go a week without wearing a shorter skirt, for example, just keep telling yourself how incredible you are. It sounds funny, but I know from experience that it really works. No one can make you feel as good about yourself as you can.

You can also try a reward system. Tell yourself that every time you go a week without wearing a short skirt, you will buy yourself a new article of clothing/ jewelry.

Try to found ways that you can look great tzniusly. Spend a little more money to buy nicer clothes that are tznius.

Maybe you can find a friend whom you can work on this together with, so you can each encourage each other or reward each other.

Send a post to the CR every time you go a week without wearing a short skirt, so your fellow-posters can congratulate you.

In terms of tv, instead of stopping cold turkey, why don’t you look for Jewish videos that you can watch in addition? As you watch more and more Jewish things, you will automatically watch less and less not-Jewish stuff (since you can’t do two things at one time) or find other forms of recreation so that you will need it less.

Uh, Sparkly, you mentioned above that short skirts is something you want to work on, so that is why lightbrite and I mentioned that as an example.

Oh! Almost forgot… and become religious SLOWLY.

Slowwwwwly.

You change too fast, you will not recognise yourself. There will be an emptiness inside you. You will slip back. I have seen it before unfortunately. Kosher food, Shabbos, Yom Tov, modest dress — bit by bit so you will get accustomed.

Avi K,

Read the thread. Sparkly mentioned specific things she is struggling with

For a lady… hmm, long skirt to the ground will cause the malachim to “smooth your path.”

You are aware, I’m sure, that there are communities where women specifically do not wear skirts to the ground, because they attract attention.

Sparkly, treat all of what you read here with a grain of salt. Better to speak to a Rav or Rebbetzin who knows you and can guide you, rather than to take advice from anonymous internet denizens who may or may not know what they’re talking about.

Sparkly. What turned you off so fast?

i know. where’s the sense of humor this site used to have

buy a blacker shpitzel.

I think the question should be, “how to increase observance” or how to “grow closer to hashem and do his will”. You are religious by the fact that you believe in hashem. For whatever reasons (they are private and I do not wish to know them) your connection to hashem is lacking, therefore fulfilling everything he wants is also lacking. This is not unique to you. It is something we all have to work on every day. For you it manifests in the things listed above, for other people it is other things.

if this is perfect…. then why did you open this thread 16 hours ago asking us how to become more religious?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Avi K: 1. she specifically said that those are the things that she wants to work on.

2. Yes, I do consider being tznius to be an essential part of being Frum as well as Bein adam l’chaveiro’s and making a Kiddush Hashem. Actually, I think that being tznius falls under both the category of bein adam l’chaveiro and making a Kiddush Hashem.

Sparkly. scared you will do more then you need to . Or just doing things over and over never feel good enough. Rather stay the way you are.

Sparkly: “lilmod ulelamaid – kosher and shabbos are the most important for a jew. if a jew had to choose 2 mitzvos to keep it should be shabbos and kosher.”

Sparkly, that may or not be true, but it had nothing to do with anything I wrote. I was responding to Avi K’s post

It’s not about OCD – it’s because some of the responses made her uncomfortable, I think mine in particular. I apologize if my response made you uncomfortable, Sparkly. I’m not apologizing cuz I think I did something wrong since I had no way of knowing it would make you uncomfortable, but since it did make you uncomfortable, I apologize for that.

“kosher and shabbos are the most important for a jew.”

You keep saying this, on what do you base this statement? Why is taharas hamishpacha, hearing the shofar on Rosh Haashana or kibbud av or any other of the taryag mitzvos any less important?

L.u. cause you have your head on your shoulders . The right words the right time.

Sparkly Why don’t your read your posts.

Sparkly don’t be upset cause look how famous Trump is !!!!!!!!

Dear Sparkly,

First of all, let me tell you that it is really inspiring to hear of a fellow Jew who wants to become more religious. Yaisher Koach!

I completely understand what you are saying about Shabbos and Kashrus. When I was first becoming frum I was told the same thing in Ohr Sameach. There is no proof available. It’s assur to publish this type of psak Halacha because it can so easily be twisted or misunderstood.

As you can see, most people here in the CR do not know you and don’t understand your perspective. It can be very hard for an FFB to understand a BT and vice-versa. Please don’t be insulted by the misunderstandings.

I am going to guess that what you meant by “more religious” in your OP was something along the lines of “how do I develop a relationship with G-d?” If so, then I would say absan is correct, you need to try to find a teacher. It also helps to develop relationships with other people who want to become more religious. Even if you can’t do that right now, it is O.K. to just say “when I get the opportunity to grow, I will try”.

Good luck and remember there are a lot of people who are proud of you!