I Feel Disenfranchised
- This topic has 84 replies, 28 voices, and was last updated 12 years, 5 months ago by haifagirl.
December 7, 2010 4:52 am at 4:52 am #716158tro11Member
popa, i dont understand where you come off thinking you can make shiddichim over the internet without ever even meeting either of the partys involved. (unless you do know them, which i doubt). and i think that part of the reason that there are older singles is because people set them up without really seeing if theyre compatible. thank you.December 7, 2010 6:22 am at 6:22 am #716159smartcookieMember
MW- your statement was bad because some singles can be very offended that they must not be smart if they weren’t a “catch” at 18.
Besides, smart boys/girls are surely a demand, but everyone has their own definition of “smart”. Very often, a not so smart person, makes a smart impression to others because those other people are not too smart and they think this girl/boy is oh so smart.
Like beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, smartness is in the brain of the beholder!December 7, 2010 4:02 pm at 4:02 pm #716160blueberrymuffinParticipant
Then the problem is in the parents being picky, not in the girl being smart.
Does that make them un single?!
You claim that most singles are dull/unintelligent. What I’m trying to show you is that there are many intelligent singles, regardless whether it’s because of their parents or not!
What does this have to do with their parents being picky?! Point is – saying that the reason girls are still single is because they’re not smart, is simply not true! As I pointed out before there are many reasons why a person would still be single at 25…December 7, 2010 4:33 pm at 4:33 pm #716161
Bottom line is if you pick 10 singles at random and analyze them their family…you would probably come out with a different reason why they are still single. Some singles are picky or small minded. Some parents are picky or small minded. Sometimes the person has a personality issue, attitude, way they speak…which can make them unappealing to the opposite gender. Sometimes the issue is the family that people want to avoid. There are families with bad reputations, maybe the individual has a “past.” Maybe the references aren’t presenting you properly…There’s so many reasons why someone can be single.December 7, 2010 5:10 pm at 5:10 pm #716162
WIY and Sac:
This is not addressed at you, but in general. I’m just taking advantage of you and using you as an example.
I think you do yourselves a disservice. I see that you do not see alike on many issues, but are those issues which would really affect a marriage?
Does it make a difference if WIY believes in long term learning? He is already 27?, how much longer does he expect to learn? Isn’t Sac willing to put up with a couple years?
How many of your disagreements result in actionable differences, and how big a deal are those differences? If it doesn’t involve any actionable difference, who cares? Would you be unwilling to marry someone with different politics?
I think you would be able to agree on a school, and you will want to let your kids choose what they want to do anyway, so I don’t see that as an issue.
You each know the other is intellectually honest, and is not the evil fanatic or evil apikores which we try to stereotype each other with. Why won’t you meet?December 7, 2010 5:37 pm at 5:37 pm #716163HelpfulMember
Sweet, popa, sweet.December 7, 2010 5:50 pm at 5:50 pm #716164
It was my understanding that WIY is already working…
Either way, speaking for myself, I have no hard or fast rule with a lot of things TV/no TV learning for a few years/not learning for a few years etc etc which results in me dating across the spectrum. I know WHAT I want, I feel that when I see it I’ll know. I am extremely decisive and I (like to) believe a good judge of character.
At this point I just know (personality wise) what works for me and what doesnt.December 7, 2010 5:59 pm at 5:59 pm #716165
I like that you are flexible with those things. I can hear someone insisting on “No TV”, but is it really worth insisting on “Yes TV”?
And I agree. The most important thing is personality.December 7, 2010 6:05 pm at 6:05 pm #716166
Nu popa…. time to pop the questionDecember 7, 2010 6:07 pm at 6:07 pm #716167
I do prefer no TV, but if a guy wants it,we ARE (hopefully) mature adults and can discuss it (parameters, cable, children…)
And yes, there have definitely been instances where guys have said no because I have told them I prefer no TV and that is not good enough. But that is why you date.December 7, 2010 6:16 pm at 6:16 pm #716168
Time to put action to everyone’s words. If you want a shidduch to happen through the internet then you’ve got to make one happen.
It seems that popa is running scared now. But I won’t give up- zuchin l’adam she’lo b’fanav. I will act on popa’s behalf.
Sacrilege- do you accept?December 7, 2010 6:17 pm at 6:17 pm #716169
dont you think WIY should be consulted first?December 7, 2010 6:19 pm at 6:19 pm #716170
Did I imply somewhere that I’m single? My mistake if I did.December 7, 2010 6:22 pm at 6:22 pm #716171
I didnt get the impression that popa was single…December 7, 2010 6:23 pm at 6:23 pm #716172
I don’t know if you did or didn’t. It’s my revenge for the time that you loudly assumed I am married. I was simply biding my time, my friend.December 7, 2010 6:24 pm at 6:24 pm #716173
Sorry to ruin the fun.December 7, 2010 6:29 pm at 6:29 pm #716174
I expect some make-up fun from you by the end of the day.
That means before 5:30 pm. I go to sleep early.December 7, 2010 6:33 pm at 6:33 pm #716176
I’ll try.December 7, 2010 10:47 pm at 10:47 pm #716177
I hope you’re not sleeping yet. Since I can’t think of any fun, I’ll tell you one of my sheva brachos routines.
The mishna in perek 8 of gittin says that if you throw a get and it is closer to her she is divorced. The mishna says the same applies to a loan repayment.
The gemara asks, why does it work for a chov, you should need a real kinyan unlike gittin where you only need mishtameres l’daata?
The gemara answers that the malveh said “zrok li chovi b’toras gittin” Throw my loan and it will have the laws of a get.
The gemara asks, if so, of course it works.
The gemara answers, I would have thought he can defend that he was “meshateh ani buch” which I translate as “I am a shoteh in you”.
So my question is, what does that mean, I am a shoteh in you?
What is the “in you”?
The answer obviously is, “The guy said to throw his loan b’toras gittin, now he says “I’m a shoteh in you”- He is a shoteh, what are you hocking?
So, what does this have to do with the simcha?
WHAT ARE YOU HOCKING?December 8, 2010 2:49 am at 2:49 am #716178
“Dont you think WIY should be consulted first?”
Odd that everyone else here can just go on about me as though I have no say in the matter and dont need to be consulted. I doubt any of them have any real Shadchanus experience.
Either way Im not 27, Im younger and 2nd of all I work as Sacrilege mentioned. My Hashkafos are way too far to the right for her. I wouldnt go out on a date with a girl who would entertain the Hava Amina of having a TV in the house. We are not in the same place Hashkafically or in level of observance. Thats enough about her and I. You dont know me and you dont know Sacrilege so please dont try playing Shadchan on the internet with 2 people who you dont know.December 8, 2010 3:22 am at 3:22 am #716179
i thought we were just joking aroundDecember 8, 2010 3:53 am at 3:53 am #716180
I thought some people were serious about this…maybe I misread their intentions?December 8, 2010 4:00 am at 4:00 am #716181myfriendMember
WIY: popa was making a greater point, just using you and Sac as guinea pigs in his verbal non-literal experiment.December 8, 2010 4:18 am at 4:18 am #716182
I’m sorry, you’re right. That is why I said it was really intended more in general, but it is clear I went over the line.December 8, 2010 4:43 am at 4:43 am #716183
I am mochel you, no hard feelings whatsoever! A gutten Chodesh!December 8, 2010 2:00 pm at 2:00 pm #716184
or maybe i misread their intentions
i wasnt paying that close attentionDecember 8, 2010 2:02 pm at 2:02 pm #716185
Am I missing the part where someone would get insulted?December 8, 2010 2:15 pm at 2:15 pm #716186
No need to apologize. Hakol Beseder. A Gutten Chodesh!December 8, 2010 4:14 pm at 4:14 pm #716187
Is there a need for me to apologize? If there is, I do so sincerely.
It seems that the only serious posts I ever make in the CR are apologies, but apparently not everyone realizes this.December 8, 2010 7:28 pm at 7:28 pm #716188wants to be a WIYMember
WIY My Bracha to you:
May you be a Tatte before I become an Elter Zeideh. My oldest grandson a chasidisher bachur is 19.
You make a very good impression on me as a serious working Ben Torah who is quite knowledgeable in Halacha L’Maaseh in Orach Chaim.
A personal question. Between working & Kvias Itim when do you find time for the CR? I sincerely hope that very soon you will disappear from the CR, because of the inluence of an?????? ??? ????? additional responsibilites etc.
I unfortunately am home bound with my IBS. Wish me a Refuah Shleima and have me in mind when saying ???? ????? ????? ??????December 8, 2010 8:55 pm at 8:55 pm #716189
Not as well informed as WIY
Amen to your Bracha!!!
If you noticed Im not on as much recently, however as I am self employed I make my own hours and work odd hours so I can check in to YWN here and there. I also log in from my phone at times…
If you want to give me your Hebrew name I will Bli Neder Daven for you to have a Refuah Shelayma.December 9, 2010 3:49 am at 3:49 am #716190wants to be a WIYMember
I will email it to MOD80 hopefully he wont mind forwarding it to you. I don’t want to take the chance of any of my friends or family recognizing my name. They would be horrified. So would I if I knew they dropped in into the CRDecember 9, 2010 5:18 am at 5:18 am #716191
Not as well informed as WIY
I completely understand you my friend 🙂
Good idea, email it to Mod 80, he will likely forward it to me.
Hatzlacha, and make the most of your Zos Chanukah. Its a very holy day!December 9, 2010 12:55 pm at 12:55 pm #716192eclipseMember
Well,haifa girl,do you feel differently now?Being that you stsrted this post,has your concern been addressed?By the way,I was serious about the d’var torah idea.:)Waiting patiently…December 11, 2010 10:56 pm at 10:56 pm #716193haifagirlParticipant
Well,haifa girl,do you feel differently now?Being that you stsrted this post,has your concern been addressed?By the way,I was serious about the d’var torah idea.:)Waiting patiently…
When the next video comes out I’ll let you know.
As far as the d’var Torah idea, I had thought about giving a Parsha shiur, but there were already two in English and they both fizzled. There isn’t that much call for shiurim in English here, and my Hebrew is dreadful. Maybe I’ll try again and see if I can drum up interest. It’s possible they fizzled because of content. In both cases, the person giving the shiur simply opened a book and read from it. Not really my style.
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