- This topic has 90 replies, 30 voices, and was last updated 12 years, 9 months ago by .
-
Posts
-
BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR I HATE SHIDDUCHIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My parents always rush to tell me when a guy is suggested and when I get rejected they, are very slow to tell me….or they don’t give me straight answers… the last answer i received was…”the guy had cold feet!!!!” Why can’t they just tell me “the guy rejected you”??? I hate this parsha cause ALMOST everyone just beats around the bush and they don’t go staight to the point… Why can’t people just be straight???!!!! My parents are great, I’m not knocking them, I just hate this beating around the bush matzev, It’s my life and I would love to take the hishtadlus part into my hands anyday… It’s just that society doesn’t let!!!!!!! Yoy vaiy did you hear shpirntze zeesel is going off the dairech??!!! Any move you make is monitored and eyed cautiously..cause you’re on the market, so you can’t step out of line!!! I feel like a caged bird with the wings amputated!!! Awtch-4got how to spell that since shidduchim is taking over my life, hehe good excuse…no??!!! help me, and thank-you for listening to my rant!!!!! I’m sure majority of you out there agree with me inside your hearts… we are all just tooo SCARED…
the question is of what??? of our own shaddows….SOCIETY…
where did yiras shamayim go to?? out the window, or down the toilet, I’m foncused.. I’m sick and tired of shidduchim! Have a great week everyone and leshana Tova!
I just hope you don’t hate the last one.
Just get married and you’ll be done!
Unfortunately, shidduchim is really tough. I have to say that I got married only a few short years ago and the difference in the way shidduchim are done are so different.
I have a number of friends who have never dated! i have some friends who are 22, 23 and have never been redt a shidduch! they have been on the market since 19! i dont know how old you are but my other friends who are 25 /26 and have only been on 3 dates since 19 years old, they would love to know that people are thinking of them! weather the shidduch is turned down or some other reason its stopped, they appreciate knowing that someone thought of them.
Try not to let it bother you. I know its upsetting and frustrating, but just be thankful that people are thinking of you.
May Hashem help you and all the others in this situation find their bashert quickly.
This parsha is veeeeeeeeeeery difficult, I would get emotionally drained and totally exhausted. I have been married now for 10 years BA”H, and I always tell my wife, B”H I’m up to THIS stage, and not shidduchim!
As far as your parents are concerned it seems they don’t want to hurt you by saying point blank, “the guy rejected you.” Most girls would find that difficult to swallow if it was said straight to their face. Like he saw s/t wrong with you, as if u have a flaw. The truth is it just wasn’t bashert.
Wow, I’m screwed.
I heard that there is a Midrash that says:
Before a person is born the Malachim suggest to HaShem different matches for each person and HaShem rejects each one until they suggest the correct Beshert.
Since Malachim are so Holy and their words so pure, we have to go out on a Shidduch with each name suggested until the one that Hashem agreed to. So each time we go out brings us closer to our really true intended partner in life.
Tzvi Hirsh: They say over that the Rogatchover Goan used to pay ALL his Shadchonim who set him up with a date, citing this Medrash, that even if it wasn’t his intended, but now he is one step closer to finding his true zivug. One time he was set up and the date was a total flop, so the shadchan of course went to get his “Shadchonus gelt”, but the Rogatchover told him, ” Not a chance, this one was so off target, I beleive that even the MALACHIM couldn’t have suggest this one!
Dear Seashells: I really hear your pain… I’m sure it is not easy for your parents either! Wishing you a mazeldig year filled with many simchas!!
tzvihirsh, that’s really interesting! do you have a source for that?
miritchka said; “I have a number of friends who have never dated! i have some friends who are 22, 23 and have never been redt a shidduch! they have been on the market since 19!”
I DON’T BELIEVE YOU!!!!!!!!
If what your saying is true, and they are not 200 pounds, or mentally or physically ill. I’ll gladly redt them Shiduchim
If I know anyone compatible, or hook them up with another Shadchan
that will.
I hope your not exaggerating. If that statement is true I find it inexcusable that they still havent been redt shidduchim.
Do they have parents? Do they live in the desert?
WHATS GOING ON?!!! Please explain.
sea shell im sorry for u may u find ur beshert bekorov!!
bein hasdorim ur too hard i totally believe it i guess ur far from the parsha or dont know anybody who is in the parsha
miritchk as far as ur friends go today u cant wait for the shadchin to come knocking on ur door like years ago u got to go to them and have ur parents telling pp ur on the market and ask ur friends to set u up….pp dont realize that there friends/neighbors daughter/son just turned 19 (or whatever age) to them ur still that little kid playing outside>…u got to network
bh: 200 pounds = no shidduchim?
Is there a famish in the land?
Depot, 🙂 I chap!
I meant to say that I don’t know any guys (even heavy) that are interested in dating a 200 pound + girl.
So if that were the case i’d understand why they weren’t being redt shidduchim. Though that IS puzzling, cuz there are many really heavy dudes (as u pointed out) and I wonder why they’d have a problem with an overweight girl as they themselves are overweight?!
The sad fact remains though that
a) we have a lot of yidden who are putting themselves at risk in the health dept.
be that as it may
b)that’s no reason that heavy guys should be biased or even have a right to say no to a heavy girl.
If it’s ok for you, its ok for your partner too.
Parents MUST be very PROACTIVE in this whole process and not be laid back saying HaShem will help!!!!!
HI Tzvi!!how are you feeling?
GREAT
LOOKING FORWARD TO A BLESSFUL AND MEANINGFUL YEAR
tzvihirsh, maybe you missed my post. do you havve a source for what you said above (about what Hashem said/ malachim said). i would be interested to know.
AMEN!! Same for you!! hope you have A happy HEALTHY gezunteh mazeldik everything good shalomdikeh year….!!
thats true its a hard time to go threw but there are something u can realld do.
1. as u said ur parents tell u every name for yes but for no its a problem u can tell them that due do the fact there r lots of names and only one can happen they should only tell u the name once they considder it and the other side considder it as well like this u will not be so nervous as matter of fact my parents work that way why do i have to know all the names that come and go those that get serious thay tell me only after they decide it can go why do u have to know extra.
2.i told it to my wife right before we god engadged (it was in middle a discussion so it didnt come out weired) that i didnt fake for her anything whatever i am is what i did and that made it easier for me not to be crazy about how i move and to her that she bacicly knew what i am i didnt fake what u see is what i am and there is no reason to fake i know its hard when others get engadged and not u because they fake but for yourself and for everyone i think just to stay normal is allways the best
wishing u a happy and wonderfull year and hope to hear simchas very soon
tzvi hirsh, i am bumping this back up so you could answer me. maybe you didn’t see my question. do you have a source for the medrash you mentioned above?
bein hasedorim: just read your post now. sorry didnt respond earlier.
I dont know where you’ve been these past couple of years, but its sadly the truth. They have not had a date yet! and they are not overwieght. they are decnt looking girls with great middos and nice personalities.
Golden Mom: As far as i’ve seen, their parents have been involved so far. For my friends who are older than that, i cant say they want their parents involved anymore..
miritchka; It pains me to hear this.
I have tried to remain active in shidduchim having people in mind,
but till now, i’ve never heard of girls not redt even ONE shiduch
for a few years?!!!
I wish i knew how to help them.
If you can post their names as plonis bas plonis.
leaving the girls actual names as “plonis” bas their mothers name
i’d like to have them in mind. Thanx!
i dont believe that there are lots of girls that were not redt any shidduchim at all. I just find that hard to believe. there has to be a reason.
hate to break the news to you people, but its true. i know plenty of girls who fit all the “requirements” and still are not getting redt shidduchim. there is no explainable reason. fact is, there are lots of beautiful, slim, talented, capable bright girls with good middos and have what it takes to be a good wife and mother, and they are. not. getting. dates. and its not because they are not putting effort in to get their name out and around.
its all down to the PR marketing and packaging! so go and hire a pr company if you want to get married!…..and then just daven to Hashem and let Him do the rest, G-d DOES 100% OF THE WORK WE DO THE REST.
well, my question isn’t getting answered (don’t worry, i’m mochel, just really curious!) DOES ANYONE KNOW OF THE SOURCE FOR THE MIDRASH THAT TZVIHIRSH MENTIONED ABOVE????
bein hasedorim: thats so nice of you to want to daven for my friends! I would give you the list of girls for tehillim but i think that it would be good if maybe you just said a special homemade tefilla, or perek of tehillim with all the single girls out there that need shidduchim…
adorable: i dont know how old you are or if you are even in the parsha of shidduchim. If you are in this parsha, you would not find it hard to believe. I wish you only the best and hope that your bashert comes quickly.
To boost my friends morale when they do vent to me, i always say, “you only need one. only one shidduch. the right one. Just keep davening and believing that Hashem will send him soon…”
happy to give you all hope. Im not going to pretend that I dont know girls that will be great wives and are still single. I know many of those. Unfortunately. I have a friend who’s almost never redt shidduchim and never goes out and she would be the most amazing wife and mother possible. I promise. but she does have some family stuff and is the youngest so I dont think her parents are being very proactive in all honesty. does that mean she should suffer? no! it means that hashem knows she who her bashert is and will send it to her very soon. its hard to be the last one though.
There is something i don’t get, people are always saying oh its a guys world, girls are not getting dates,guy can afford to be picky etc etc Im a guy and ive been in the parshah for close to four years and only went out three times because over 30 different girls said no because im not a full time “learner” and here in israel that puts me at the same level as a bum which im not. im in yeshiva in the mornings and work the rest of the day. and the shidduchim that are getting redt are girls that went off the derech for a bit and came back, sort of. I mean why should i have to settle for a girl who has past when my only crime is that i don’t wear white shirts during the week and have a job.
Tzvi Hirsch, I liked that quote. Very much.
Hatzlacha! I wish you all the best.
thanxs queen bee
what i mean is that if the girl just went off the d and didnt do anything crazy then i dont have a problem with that. But most of these girls have done things that im not comfortable with……
you have to be comftorable with her past but you should also try to put it behind you and look at her now. if she is able to get past it and move on you should be able to also. it doesnt mean shes bad. it doesnt mean shes not stable. it doesnt mean shes gonna go back there. you would have to do lots and lots of checking to make sure shes really past that stage and wasnt “physically” harmed (you know what I mean) but otherwise I dont see a reason to make a blanket statement that you dont wanna go out with a girl who was once off.
kissthecook, definitely if you don’t feel comfortable don’t pursue. Sorry if I came off judgmental.
adorable, thats what i was referring to…
physically? well then you have a point and you are right. but is that the first thing you ask when you hear about her past?
sea shells: “I suggest you wish Adorable a heartfelt mazel tov! she’s B”H over and done with the parsha, so she probably knows more about it than you do. “
Wow that was quite a statement! First of all, warmest mazel tov wishes adorable! Second, as a married woman of a few years, and as a friend who worx on shidduchim all the time for my friends and others, i have to say that i do know quite a bit about this.
kissthecook: Gotta agree with you. I cant stand the labeling. just because a guy wears colored shirts,or a girl dyes her hair, (not referring to colors like blue or green) or a guy doesnt wear a black hat, or a girl with short/long hair doesnt mean they are off or different! its the inside that counts! And you mentioned that you are redt girls that are OTD, sometimes ones basherte takes a detour, whether its a spiritual turn or emotional turn or maybe just taking a long time to get to their bashert. But they WILL get there!
hatzlacha!
well that would be one of the only things that bothers me when talking about a girl with a past…
well good luck with everything! may this year be one of simcha for all of us!
the right one will come and youll be so happy you wont even remember these tough times.
can you explain your screen name?
its whats written on my mothers apron
oh! i was wracking my brain… maybe your proffession is a cook…. lol
i would love to hear more about you though. just because I’m not “available” anymore, doesnt mean I dont know people that are.
maybe i am a cook….
r u?
well i work in the food business and i am a trained chef but currently im not working as a chef …..
Being a chef seems like such a cool profession. In another lifetime, I’d be one.
queen- same here. sounds like a good job. so cool. can you come cook for me? are you working in israel? i need someone to cook for me… lol just joking.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.