In addition to the important and standard questions regarding Shabbos tablecloths, paper versus plastic plates, height/weight, and middos. Here a few important ones to ask to ensure you have found your basheert.
Do they use candles or oil? If oil, are the cups prefilled? If candles, are the candles different colors, or just white and blue?
Do they light inside or outside?
Do females also light?
Do they use flour or matzah in the latkes? Is grated onion considered an essential ingredient?
Do they serve latkes with sour cream or applesauce?
Any other questions I am missing?
The Chasam Sofer questiions, why don’t females light when the neis also involved them? He says that originally they lit outside and it was improper for them to light among the men, so even now that we light inside the original custom remained . The Chasan Sofer explains the custom for the women not working as long the candles are burning. The yevonim wanted to eliminate Rosh Chodesh in order not to keep yomim tovim where the women light the candles. Min haTorah there are eighr days, so the women don’t work and the men light for the neis of the oil.
In my family, the women lit. My wife’s family they didn’t. The question never came up,
What are the prospective Choson’s family special minhagim for Zois Chanukah beyond saying taslich, etc.?
I actually light for my husband because he’s too busy learning to take the time to light the menorah. Then he comes home, eats 100 latkes, and falls asleep on the couch till 2pm the next day.
devny, I would think that we stop learning and lighrt Chanukah candles as we stop learning to lein the megiila. The women is lighting to satisfy her own obligation. If he happens to be an away from his house,, is a different situation. He has an obligation to light on his own.