Inventing Your Own [False] Gematrias

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  • #600072

    rasha gamur
    Member

    Every time a rabbi gets up at a simcha – or even stam for his drasha on shabbos – and says a clearly stupid gematria, I cringe. My rabbi told me once he was at a sheva brachos and the speaker made a gematria of 240 = “ram” (high, lofty) (reish-mem); he thought 240 is also “mar” (bitter) (mem-reish). These gematrias are simply superficial, meaningless, and stupid.

    #820911

    The Frumguy
    Participant

    I agree with you – I think that most Gematrias these days are stretching it too far. I have yet to be impressed with one.

    #820914

    rasha gamur
    Member

    mods what wsa wrong with my gematria?????

    #820915

    GumBall
    Member

    I have the feeling that sometimes when people are trying to make gematrias they like add a few letters to make it fit…wierd…

    #820916

    good.jew
    Member

    This is kefirah! All gematrias were given to Moshe on har sinai

    #820917

    yitayningwut
    Participant

    Here’s a good one for you:

    ??? ???? = ??? ????? ???

    #820918

    netanel
    Member

    In 7th grade I made up this gematria:

    ???? ??? ????=??? ???? (in Parshas Chukas). I based this on Rashi, who says there that “yosheiv hanegev” refers to Amalek.

    I didn’t know at the time that you need a mesorah for gematria, but my rebbe liked it and told it to his rav (I don’t remember what the rav said about it, though).

    #820919

    ☕️coffee addict
    Participant

    This thread was started by a rasha gamur?

    #820920

    OneOfMany
    Participant

    Couldn’t agree with you more. It’s come to a point where I’m even skeptical of perfectly valid gematrios. What did THEY ever do to warrant such abuse?!

    #820921

    midwesterner
    Participant

    Check out the parperaos section in the back of Birkas Peretz, the Steipler’s sefer on Chumash. Pages and pages of unbelievably fascinating gematrios, connecting Rashi’s pshat to the possuk itself.

    #820922

    metrodriver
    Member

    Rasha Gamur; (What is the Gematria, or meaning of this name). Gematiaos ?????????. are like Astrology. You take them with a grain of salt and a smile. Don’t put too much meaning into them. I have a mishigass (hobby, blaa”z) to find a gimatria for any highway that I travel on. In that spirit. What is the Gimatria for Interstate 287?! Even if you know the answer, please don’t shout it out loud. Just whisper.

    #820923

    sam4321
    Participant

    If one would see the gematrias of the Baal Haturim,GRA,ans Ibn Ezra one would not be skeptical anymore.(we also learn stam nazir is 30 days from the gematria of yiheh gemara shanhedrin)

    #820924

    Sam2
    Participant

    There are two types of Gematriot. Real Gematriyos teach us Halachos. There are very few real Gematriyos. Yih’yeh by Nazir might be the only D’Oraisa one (I feel like there’s another but I’m blanking). Every other Gematriya is just a Remez. Why can’t anyone make up a Remez so long as it fits with a real idea/source/Halacha?

    #820925

    mexipal
    Participant

    which highway is begamatria “you will be pulled over and get a ticket”. on a totally different note why would someone call himself rasha gamur. beats me

    #820926

    Every other Gematriya is just a Remez. Why can’t anyone make up a Remez so long as it fits with a real idea/source/Halacha?

    You’re making the baal haturim sound pretty silly, I would think there’s more to his gematrios than intellectual “cuteness”. Do you know someone who has or had a beard who says that???

    #820927

    Sam2
    Participant

    ASwaS: I think the Ba’al Haturim says that himself. But it’s nice to know that having a beard now determines someone’s level of Torah knowledge.

    #820928

    Toi
    Participant

    i read about R yosef chaim sonnenfeld zt”l that he gave alot of weight to gematrias and even made decisions al pi the ones he thought of himself. i think it was in artscrolls biography. a”sh

    #820929

    klach
    Member

    real gematrias – such as the ones brought down by the Gra and Baal HaTurim for example, are definitely true. In fact, the gra’s gematrias aren’t limited to simply additive ones; he also uses advanced math like calculus. (He has a gematria for Pi from the words of the pasuk describing the dimensions of the Kiyor in Nach – it’s beyond cool). Furthermore, gematrias play an integral role in kabbalistic systems and concepts. There is a science, rules and axioms – ptretty much lost to us today – governing how gematrias work. However, nowadays, we are clueless thus the ones we invent are nothing more than cute shtick.

    As a side note, Rav Henoch Leibowitz ZT”L said that one can say drush as long as the idea or concept being said is true.

    #820930

    rasha gamur
    Member

    “This thread was started by a rasha gamur?”

    The alter of kelm said that it’s worth it to live as a rahsa gamur and go through all the gihennom, etc that it entails to do one little minor mitzvah!!

    #820931

    am yisrael chai
    Participant

    No such thing as a minor mitzvah…

    #820932

    Jothar
    Member

    The Baal Haturim’s gematrios were meant as “parpaos” to his actual peirush on chumash. Unfortunately, his longer peirush wasn’t as popular as his gematrios. You can still buy the Tur Ha’aruch al hachumash. Many of the tur’s gematrios seem to back up Rashi or other medrashim.

    #820933

    metrodriver
    Member

    Mexipal; Any highway that you don’t pay attention to the speedometer. Or your rear view mirror.

    #820934

    sam4321
    Participant

    The GRA has a gematria on a pasuk in isaiah 1:27,he says tzion b’misphat tipadeh = talmud yerushalmi and v’shaveeha b’tzdka = talmud bavli.The mishna starts with and ends with a mem 40 cubed = 1600, and talmud yerushalmi and talmud bavli =1600.(This is parparos but yet again proves the emes of Torah)

    #820935

    sea.shells
    Member

    coffee addict/popa: Can you tell us why rasha gamur was

    Blocked?

    #820936

    mos yumos
    Member

    “No such thing as a minor mitzvah…”

    Some mitzvos are more important than others. That is pashut.

    #820937

    ItcheSrulik
    Member

    ??? ?? ??? is begematria ??? ????? .

    Well, what do you say to that?

    #820938

    ☕️coffee addict
    Participant

    idk sea shells, why were you blocked (maybe its for the same reason)

    #820939

    mos yumos
    Member

    These overzealous mods. . .

    #820940

    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    Some wise guy said that the reason we eat ???? on ??? is because ???? and ??? have the same ???????. When it was pointed out that the math does not work out because ??? is 702 and ???? is only 139, he replied “so have another piece”!

    #820941

    yitayningwut
    Participant

    Lol

    #820942

    ItcheSrulik
    Member

    yitayningwut is gimatria ????? ??????. Does that make you a gilgul?

    #820943

    sam4321
    Participant

    *40 squared

    #820944

    yitayningwut
    Participant

    ItcheSrulik – ROTFL:) I’m honored.

    #820945

    akuperma
    Participant

    Coming up with gematrias isn’t much of a challenge now that we have computers that can crunch the numbers. It involves even less skill than punning, and isn’t even as funny.

    #820946

    sam4321
    Participant

    The gematria of the Passuk: Ki lo davar reik hu mekem(for it is not a empty matter for you,rather it is your life…) = to the word Gematriot.(Rabbi Munk on Aleph Bais,Tosefes Berachah)

    #820947

    Well – this one is for real:

    Lamed = 30

    Yud = 10

    Pay = 80

    Aleph = 1

    Shin = 300

    Mem = 40

    Ayin = 70

    Lamed = 30

    Tzadi = 90

    Resh = 200

    ==============

    851 for Lipa Schmeltzer (as he himself spells his name officially in Yiddish)

    Hay = 5

    Aleph = 1

    Dalet = 4

    Mem = 40

    Aleph = 1

    Shin = 300

    Resh = 200

    Yud = 10

    Tzadi = 90

    Resh = 200

    ==============

    851 for Ho’odom Asher Yatzar

    Lipa is undoubtedly the first singer to ever record a song called Asher Yatzar, even if it is NOT what we expected when we first saw the title on the album cover!

    I may have inadvertently been the inspiration for the song title (long story – I first wrote about Lipa singing Asher Yatzar in a parody review of Kineinehora as I got hold of it during civil vacation week in 2006 when I had plenty of time to joke around. Then, someone started to circulate a fake single cover of Lipa in a kisse singing A”Y, which I claimed was a real promo for Sanobol kisse cleaner in a fake interview with Lipa on Creedmoor) – and guess which aliya I got this past Shabbos…..

    #820948

    mos yumos
    Member

    ???? ???? = ??? ??? ???? = 721

    #820949

    ItcheSrulik
    Member

    ??? ???? = ??? ????? ???? ?? ????

    as well as ??? ?? ???????

    ?? ??

    ??? ??????

    and lots of other phrases.

    So?

    #820950

    metrodriver
    Member

    Itche srulik; You’re scaring me!

    #820951

    The one on top for mois yumos is a perfect slogan to write on a placard when marching in front of the home of a child abuser of the Mondrowitz variety.

    The second is not a phrase which is used and the fourth is not standard spelling.

    And Shygetz Aross(300+10+3+70+90 + 1+200+6+10+60) = 473+277=750 – there has to be something for that one!

    #820952

    ItcheSrulik
    Member

    Reb Ber: You’re right about the second one, but the 4th is standard spelling.

    metrodriver: I use an online calculator that comes up with random phrases. I just pick out the clean ones. Your name adds up to ??? ????? ?????? ???? if that helps. 🙂

    #820953

    koillel101
    Member

    I like when the badchanim by mitzve tantz say alot of gematria. It is amazing how they usually fit.

    #820954

    Dr. Seuss
    Member

    Itche: What is the address to that online calculator?

    #820955

    metrodriver
    Member

    600 Kilo Bear; I don’t know about Gematriyaos for “Shaygetz Aroys”. But I have a good, happy and working Acronym (Roshei Teivos); ?? ??? = ?? ????? ????? ??????? ????? (Sorry. But this phrase doesn’t lend itself to translation.)

    #820956

    LOL yes Metrodriver – that one was from an old and unlamented loshon horo broadsheet called Ponim Chadashos. It was in turn taken from someone’s PEERIM Torah in the community that was then associated with Shygetz Aross. I was shocked when I first saw it until I realized when Ki Sissa is usually read. I then had a good laugh as I realized where Ponim Chalashos got its material.

    Since then I have occasionally spoken on 14 Adar regarding whether Ki Sissa is what is brought down in the hyliger Ponim Chalashos or whether Shiksa Arann should be substituted for Shygetz Aross. I’ve come up with goodies of the sort that are kasher lePeerim only, like Shiksa Arann representing actresses and supermodels who embody the shechina whereas Shygetz Aross refers to lowlives who represent the yetzer horo.

    Usually I need to fuel myself with 96% alcohol (gematria tzav, as in a parsha that is sometimes read Purim week during a leap year) before I speak about such lofty matters.

    Itche Srulik – I have hardly seen isha written without a yud.

    #820957

    mos yumos
    Member

    “??? ???? = ??? ????? ???? ?? ????”

    that’s the idea of death – it kills!!

    #820958

    Sam2
    Participant

    In Chumash it’s almost always Chassier, isn’t it?

    #820959

    BaalHabooze
    Participant

    If you drink alot of booze, usually all these gematrias works out just fine. you do NOT need a calculator. i tell you from personal experience. for example: BaalHabooze is gematria ‘A gantz yur shikkur’

    Try it. it will usually work out somewhere, let’s say, after the 9th or 10th cup of wine.

    Tried and tested. by me it works out each and every time, the EXACT SAME gematria. every single time. unbeleivable.

    oh, BTW: gematria is gamatria gematria.

    (it might be off by 1, but it doesn’t count. that would be a drank that you sign much too.)

    #820960

    metrodriver
    Member

    Itche Srulik; thanks. You made my day. But the Acronym (Roshei Teivos) of my name spells “Mazik”. (?.?.?).

    600 Kilo Bear; That is exactly where I took it from. The Panim Chaloshos. by that esteemed demagogue. Do you know “The Rest of the Story”?! He started up with the BP Shomrim. He worked his usual MO (Modus Operandi) on them. Namely. Extortion. But they fixed his wagon, real good. When they were finished, he offered THEM money to get off his case.

    #820961

    ItcheSrulik
    Member

    bear: A- In what dialect?

    B- Shiksa arahn has to be the best response ever.

    baal habooze: ?????? is not gematria ?????? and won’t be, no matter how much you drink.

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