Kick me

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    I double-checked and triple-checked that here was 100%, no-doubt-about-it chillul shabbos. I thought about how I could make a mecha’ah that would not be overly harsh but would be mild (as in, no diaper-throwing, light bulb-throwing, smashing traffic lights, destroying garbage bins, spraying pepper spray, etc). As in, just enough to say I’m not cool with chillul shabbos. And despite everything, I still managed to be wrong. And the troll in question ended up being outed. So mea culpa. I publicly apologize to the troll in question. As a penance, I have asked the mods to append “kick me” to my sub for the next little while. It’s not the same as Rabbeinu yonah writing the Shaarei Teshuva, but it should do.

    Secondly, there are many younger, more easily influenced members of the CR. I should have anticipated that as a Pavlovian reaction to my post, many would rally in defense of chillul shabbos, a massive chillul Hashem, and a very damaging idea for the younger members of the CR. for this too, I publicly apologize.

    Once I’m at it, I will be megalgel the next two.

    Thirdly, in a similar but unrelated vein, I used to post up here like it was a real yeshiva coffee room. I assumed that nobody would use the CR in place of a LOR or CHA. So I used this place to explore ideas, hashkafos, halachos, etc. I would shoot from the hip, post answers without “thinking twice, posting once”, post when tired, in a rush, etc. I would sometimes play “devil’s advocate”, take an opposite opinion than what was true in order to explore the topic, and sometimes take a contrarian view because I didn’t like the strident tone and harsh extremism of the frumteens essay which was posted as a thesis on the position. I did this assuming that nobody would actually take this place seriously, and it was a safe container for intellectual exploration.

    A poster, however, recently admitted that many do use the CR in place of a LOR or CHA. In other words, this place is more of a courtroom than a coffee room, and they go by what they read.So while my style was fine for the informational and social threads, the halacha and hashkafah threads, in retrospect, required a much higher level of posting than what I was assuming I could do- “think twice post once”, bittul hayesh, nuanced posting, and making sure everything met a very high standard of emes so as not to lead astray those who don’t have their own Daas Torah. For this, too, I must ask mechila. I am trying to figure out a way where I can still use the CR as a safe container to explore ideas without leading astray those who don’t know better.

    Finally, an offhand reference in Mishpacha sent me to Even Ha’ezer siman 21 and the nosei keilim. It is clear that all conversations with women are much more proscribed than I originally thought, unless one is on a high level of “lesheim shomayim”, which I am not. So if I was ever oveir on sechok, kalus rosh, or derishas shalom with a woman, I again ask mechila. I am working on how I can still participate in the social and informational threads and yet make sure I will not be oveir on Even Ha’ezer siman 21.

    Kol tuv. (and not katli dechaziri.)

    ☕️coffee addict

    the best way I go about the women part is I don’t view the posters here as male or female just people posting opinions

    anyway it’s possible that the SA was talking about during their time where you see who you are talking to



    Don’t beat yourself up.

    While some of your posts and threads may have been a bit strong or controversial, there’s no question that you were always being mechavain letoeles.

    It is a good idea to reassess one’s posting style on occasion, just to decide if an adjustment is called for.

    If you still feel “physical mussar” would be beneficial, here’s a handy little poster that you can cut-and-paste as needed:

    ? kick me ?
    ? ???? ???? ?
    ? patearme ?
    ? m'expulser ?
    ? ?????? ??? ?
    ? ????? ?? ?

    As you can see it will work for American, European and Asian voltages (thanks, Google translate).

    Keep smiling and keep posting ?

    ☕️coffee addict

    yeah Jothar,

    Don’t beat yourself up have US do it for you


    I need to point out that when kicking “Jothar” over Shabbos, be extremely careful not to cause a chabura, as that can be an issur d’Oraisa.

    Also, be careful not to wear anything on your feet whose only purpose is to assist in the kicking, as that can be a “carrying” issue (obviously, if you hold of the eiruv you can ignore this).

    “Jothar” would not want to be machshil anyone, so please keep the above points in mind.


    Jothar – please be moichel the “cheppeh” – we really do appreciate your posts.


    Hi Jothar.

    What you posted was a HUGE and SHINING example of the highest of character, and you did it on a public forum with no boundaries!

    I just want to suggest you do not belabor the point and realize that you are an intelligent, learned, and very passionate person.

    And like the rest of us, we have to temper the way we conduct ourselves and learn lessons. There is no way on earth to avoid that challenge for any of us.

    I believe you are learning to harness your great passion and once you do, you are destined to make even greater contributions to the world.

    I cannot speak for everyone, but I know you are an example for me to have the courage to elevate myself when it is called for. And sooner or later, all of us will have to meet and rise above that challenge. I hope I do so, just as you have done here. Many dont. But you did, and should be commended.

    Have a great Shabbos!

    ED IT OR

    just smashed my computer trying to kick you!

    respect for the post



    Nobody is perfect. The best we can do if we make a mistake is learn from it, apologize (if appropriate), and move on.

    You’ve clearly done the first two, but not yet the third.

    Your perspective here is missed, and I, for one, would appreciate your return.


    It was SO CUTE:

    Topic: Kick me. Last poster: I can only try!




    It’s funny how our SNs sometimes interact with the thread titles.


    Please read the following post to see the tremendous good you’ve done in at least one case:

    (Since I don’t know if “Jothar” even reads threads here any more, it would be appreciated if a moderator can email him the above link.)

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