Last Girl In Class SINGLE!

Wow, guess it’s a good thing reunion only comes once a year. I know that at the stage your friends are at, it’s just a relief to get out and have someone to share experiences with but it’s also a relief to get out and have adult conversation. Surely there are things you can talk about, from the newest Jewish movie to books, to current events, etc.

Why they act strange? I can’t say. It’s not like you’re wearing a T shirt that says “last one single”. So you’re not married yet. If you have the smiley face you claim as a name they should be returning it. Keep smiling and may Hashem be memalei kol mishalos libeich l’tovah.

Well, SOMEONE has to be the last one! You’ll find yours someday soon, B”EH. It just means you waited for the one who doesn’t cross the street when he finds you – unless he IS already across the street! Don’t worry so much, your anxiety could end up getting picked up by the guys you date, and most guys don’t like feeling like a girl is desperate. There is no need for you to feel that way. Hashem will send the right guy to you when you least expect it. Just do your own hishtadlus and put yourself out there. Hatzlacha rabbah.

smileyface: You have a very good attitude towards finding your bashert. Hashem should help you find your zivug hagun b’karov!

As far as you classmates are concerned, I would say that when they avoid you, they are feeling uncomfortable and don’t know what to say to you, so they just try to get out of the situation however possible. If you do bump into one of your classmates, take the lead and just start speaking naturally to them about topics that are comfortable for you.

I’m sorry that you felt left out at the class reunion. But try to understand that reunions are occasions to “catch up” with each other, tell others what’s going on in your life – and husbands and babies are part of what is happening in their lives. Now, they should be sensitive to you and make sure to show an interest in what you are doing, and they should understand you haven’t yet reached that stage of a husband and children, but there should be understanding from you, as well.

Also, please see the recent thread regarding a new shidduch website called http://www.shidduchworld.org.

Hope this helps you and hatzlochoh rabbah!

I feel funny being the only male to comment, but if it helps, look at it this way:

(discalimer: this is story is about a YU / UWS couple, so it may not apply to everyone, but the point is relevant)

Pesach 1995, one of my friends was dating someone, and unsure of where things were going, and to further complicate things, someone else who he DID want to date, ahd just come available. By Summer 1995 he was dating girl # 2, but it was also stalled.

By Nov. 1995 he was married to girl # 2.

Point is, 7 months before his wedding, he had not even dated his wife. Once things click, they start steamrolling fast. In fact, there is every likelyhood you might get engaged before this thread is closed! (And be sure to post the good news on the CR)

Another suggestion – You might consider posting a brief outline of what your looking for:

Yeshivish, or MO

Learner or Worker

Acceptable age range

What continent (no telling from the web where anyone is today, so that’s important)

That way, if someone has somethhing of relevance, we can froward a contact to the Moderator

With the readership YW CR has, someone may know him!

“I know how you feel as an “older” singler (early 20’s)”

I know it’s different for girls but early 20’s really is still young. Now I’m curious, I know it’s not polite to ask but , Smileyface, if you don’t mind saying around how old are you?

maybe your guy is your same age, my sis didnt get married until she was 23 because her husband was also 23 when he got married and guys mature later than girls,.. so dont worry..

smileyface; I can relate to what your going through, as I was the last in my class too. When the proper one comes along, it happens so fast, you can hardly

catch your breath. May you be Zoche to share the good news in the CR,

in the near future.

Don’t worry, for perhaps your Zivug is very special person,

and as they say, “you gotta wait for good things!

(They also say, nice guys finish last):)

“I’ve observed that the girls are much more willing to give things a chance and consider Shidduchim even if its not their fantasy Shidduch.”

I completely disagree. IMO girls are far less likely to agree to a second date than guys are, most guys feel that it’s not right to say no to a second date unless you can tell 100% that there’s no way the Shidduch will work (e.g. embarrassed to be seen with the girl. Many girls on the other hand believe that everything has to be perfect on the first date and will say no b/c of something ridiculous like the guy not answering one of their questions with the exact answer they wanted. Once you get past the second date and presumably the issue of attraction is out of the way, girls are also more likely to end things b/c something wasn’t perfect. Of course there are many good reasons not to continue to go out with someone but from what I’ve seen/heard in the cases where everything seems to be compatible, it’s almost always the girls ending it and. I know that I’m biased b/c I am a man and I am basing part of my opinion on my own experiences and those of my friends but all you have to do is talk to some shadchanim and I think you’ll find most would agree with me. I’m not trying to say that guys are perfect, I’ll agree that there are plenty of guys who act like idiots when dating.

“and are getting rejected more than rejecting”

I’m not necessarily saying that the girls are doing all the rejecting just that they seem to be more likely to do so for silly reasons. Would you disagree with that? Maybe the girls I’ve gone out with were just not ready, but my limited experiences have bordered on insanity (on the girls part).

AZOI.IS: I’m surprised to hear that, I’ve talked to a lot of people (male & female, single & married) about this and you’re the first one I found that didn’t have at least a few stories of crazy reasons girls have given for not wanting to go out again.

maybe we should shrink “THE LIST” that we must have in a spouse… like the color tablecloth they have in their house, do they have plastic covering it ect. Or what size the girl is… up to a reasonable point. extremes on either end are understandably something to ponder, but the difference between size 0, 2, 4, 6 are minimal and some could be height. size 6 can be the healthy weight for a girl while those who are a 2 may be starving themselves for a date. Weight may only last till the wedding pictures. or the first kid.

If we look at who the person is inside, what their hashkafos really are and not what people say are “symbols” at what they are (type of tablecloth they use), maybe more dates can be made and more possibilities will be open and they might be the correct one!!

IY”H we should only share in simchos here!! No more taaros amongst klal yisroel!

Havesomeseichel: and what’s wrong with sizes 8 and 10?

AS regards wishing people I”YHBY at a simcha – I think girls (it usually is the girls who react in this way) need to stop being so sensitive, and accept a bracha for what it is – a bracha. I did not get married until I was 26, my younger sister got married first, years before that, and my younger brothers were either engaged or seriously involved before I was engaged. Believe me, hundreds of people wished me that same bracha at the weddings or vorts. I smiled and said thank you very much, AMEIN. If someone CHOOSES to allow those words to cause them pain, then their attitude needs an adjustment. Not everyone meets his or her basherte when all his friends/family members do. So what? Does that invalidate someone’s good wishes for them? If you have to watch every word, then what will happen, is eventually people will stop talking to those singles.

The only time I feel some discretion is necesssary, is when talking to a woman who is childless. That is a special situation, because know one knows what she is going through physically and emotionally, to try to have a baby. You have to know how she will receive that I”YHBY, before saying it.

I have told the story here at least two times here, but I’ll tell it again.

About five days after I heard that Shadchan speak about ‘shortening your list’ I met Mrs R. She was a little too short, and a little too Russian, and there were some complications of her divorce that were a little too messy.

But, she was also a little too kind, and a little too warm, and I liked being with her a little too much. Her cooking was a little too tasty, and when I wasn’t with her I missed her a little too much.

So, I married her anyway. That was three months ago, today. (We are still married, and I still love her a little too much.)

Oomis, watch this space for MrsRonsr’s hashgacha pratis shidduch story 😉

But seriously, it’s sweet, heartening, and may the year see the building of many more beautiful batei neeman bYisrael

In case people did not get my sarcasm, I was trying to say that the LIST is wrong to have. It is one thing if one side was very short or tall- they may not feel comfortable with someone 1 foot shorter/taller than they are, but at the same time I know happy couples where the wife is over a foot shorter.

tzippi- I wasnt intentionally leaving out 8 and 10, i just did not bother to write out every size i think is acceptable because there is “no acceptable size”. As long as they are healthy, that is all that matters. If he or she is as tall as they are wide, then that would be one thing. It all depends on their height and body build and that is not up to me to decide, or up to anyone else to either. We should not be instilling within our children that weight is something we should concentrate on. But this is not the point of the thread and I dont want to get too sidetracked.

hatzlocha smileyface!

havesomeseichel, I think in most cases it’s the boys mother that comes up with the size requirements which is obviously ridiculous. I know that “on the thin side” is vague and up for interpretation but I think it’s better than requesting a particular size or weight.

youdontknowme- and those who are parents should not be creating this disaster!! It causes such tzaaros to the girls and their families. I know someone who is not stick skinny and since she is not married there are many who decide that it is because of her weight. Come on! Weight should not be a reason not to go out with someone! (I am not talking about extremes here.) those who are mothers out there- dont be putting these artificial barriers on the strained shidduch scene! Dont cause girls to have eating disorders! There are many who do have issues because of this very reason- why should “nicer pictures” be the cause? I mean, if someone is a size or two off from your “ideal” then will that really have an effect on the marriage? a 4 instead of a “0”? a 6 instead of a 2?

Change the requirements or the shidduch scene will have more to deal with. Would you want your son marrying someone who C”V has an eating disorder? Who starved themselves to be a 2?

(there are those who are skinny naturally and dont assume that if someone is a 0 it is because they have an eating disorder. Genetics, good habits and walking to school/work are all reasons why someone might be a 0.)