looking for advice

Reach out to a mental health professional. There is a frum therapist that does a great job working with survivors of abuse. Her name is Rachel Rubenstein and her number is 347-563-9912.

I think it is the yetzer hora that tells you that because of who you are and what you do that you can’t seek help. It keeps you trapped and subject to it’s will (the yetzer hora, I mean). Obviously you feel that you will fall apart because you are being pulled in too many directions at one time. I’m sure the explosion of child abuse cases in the secular media in the past month are the cause for your recent nightmares, etc.

You must try to escape the yetzer hora’s trap and get some relief for yourself. Contact a professional like one of the ones mentioned above.

ahurtingjew, firstly let me say that I am sorry that you had to suffer what you did. You are probably feeling the emotional pain and fear now as an adult because you were not capable as a child to deal with it, and you buried it deep within you. As this issue is coming to light and being discussed more openly in the secular and in the Jewish media, it must have triggered your memories as well as your fears.

It is within the makeup and the training of the “victim” to fear telling or revealing the secret. You were probably threatened not to tell either with physical punishment or with something horrific that would happen to you or to someone you love. It is an irrational and illogical fear. Whoever hurt you as a child can no longer hurt you. You are no longer a child and you can find the help you need to work through the emotional pain that you suffered. The abuser no longer controls you nor your choices. But the scared child/victim within you has not come to terms with that.

No matter who you are today, or what position you hold, there is any number of reasons that you might have stress, anxiety, pressure or conflict and would need to seek some assistance. No one has to know that you are seeking help or treatment and no one will know why unless you choose to share that information. Everything you say to a professional therapist is absolutely confidential.

It is absolutely too much to expect you to handle this on your own. How can you possibly handle something that was so horrific that you buried it inside of you for so long? How can you handle something so vile and vicious perpetrated against a small innocent child? How can you possibly make sense of it without the help of a professional? It just does not make sense, it just does not compute. How do you reconcile the past with the present without the help and guidance of an experienced professional who has dealt with other victims such as yourself and has the answers to your questions?

There is no reason why you should remain a “hurting Jew” and every reason for you to take every opportunity available to you to heal. Keeping secrets from your wife will only cause you more stress and more nightmares. Finding the right way to let her in and share this with you will be easier with the help of a therapist. Everyone needs a support system. The support you get from a therapist will help you trust your wife and find a way to share this with her. Once you are able to do that, you will then have her support as well which will in turn help you to deal with your past. The stronger the support system you have the better you will be able to work through this issue.

Please, please do not let the evil villain who stole your innocence and the childhood you should have had control and destroy the life and success you still can have.