Make up a story about those stolen manhole covers

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    Anybody know who’s stealing those manhole covers that are being reported on YWN, New York Times, et al.? I think it’s a race of giant super-strong Jews who are using the manhole covers as yarmulkes.


    Sure, why not.

    1) They are being used as satellite dishes in Yugoslavia.

    2) They are really flying saucers that were spuing on us. Now that they have collected enough data and flown back to the mother ship, expect an invasion any day.

    3) They haven’t been stolen. Global warming caused the holes to expand, and the covers simply fell in.

    4) Papa John’s ran out of pizza trays.

    5) A giant magnetic asteroid passed by and sucked them all up.

    6) A previously unknown race of giants is using them to play checkers.

    7) Occupy Wall Streeters decided that the 1% didn’t deserve manhole covers.

    8) The DOT did it, thinking that unrepaired potholes would look small by comparison.

    9) It’s all a vast right-wing conspiracy.

    10) The U.S. Olympic squad ran out of practice discuses.

    11) Mayor Bloomberg took ’em out. They slow traffic better than speed bumps.


    they turned invisible!

    🍫Syag Lchochma

    Teenage rats who got sick of being locked out decided to leave all the doors open.


    Nabisco started selling jumbo oreos.

    Shticky Guy

    ICOT as usual a superb list! Thanks. I really enjoyed that. And the other posters suggestions are very funny too.


    A sudden increase in pressure caused the sewer to blow its lid, sending the covers into the stratosphere. By the time they landed, the earth had rotated and they came down in the Pacific.

    ED IT OR

    Or maybe the company getting paid to replace them removed them!

    not a mod

    It was nfgo3 who stole them so he could start this tread:)



    Syag Lchochma-




    not a mod-

    All good!

    Nabisco started selling jumbo oreos.” had me lol’ing.

    Shticky Guy-

    Thank you.


    Momma rat to teenage rat: “Put the cover back on! We live in a sewer, not a barn!”


    The National Organization of Women took them and are replacing them with personhole covers.


    The Vaad HaTof will be returning them after sefira.


    CR fortified underground bunker needs ventilation


    Newest terrorist ploy

    sof davar

    Og melech habashan’s great grandchildren thought they found some loose change in the street.

    not a mod

    the amish were lacking their horse and bugge wheels

    Luna Lovegood

    I suspect the Nargles are behind it 🙂


    zeeskite didnt know stealing manhole covers wasnt ok.

    mommy wasnt too happy when he came back with a bunch of manhole covers he used as cymbals.


    The score so far:

    First Place to nfgo3’s first post – giant Jews needing giant yarmulkes.

    Second Place: Not a mod – nfgo3 stole them so he (she?) could start this thread.

    Most cynical: Crazybrit.

    Trying to hard: I can only try. (Also, worst spelling of a twit-gerund: lol’ing should be lingol.)


    Hey, let’s decide it through a vote! I vote for LemonySnicket. I liked ICOT’s too, especially #7. 🙂


    moskidoodle: How’d you know I’m a rambunctious, wild kid? Mommy, are you telling out?!?

    ED IT OR

    I vote for the global warming one, that had me off my chair!


    OK, the real story…

    They were taken by rap ‘artists’. They gold plate them to wear as medallions around their necks.




    sof davar-

    not a mod-

    Luna Lovegood-

    More good ones!



    Thank you.


    i don’t know about you all, but don’t you think it’s funny that the media is all over these missing manhole covers, yet they totally ignore the big picture, such as the fact that there are four mutant turtles running loose invading all those nyc pizza shops!?!


    it’s the new awareness campaign for pedestrian by new york city’s mayor, promoting ‘awareness of where you are walking’, subconsciously training new yorkers not to step on other people’s feet.


    Further judgments:

    We have a winner for Least Funny: AinOhdMilvado.

    Miss Congeniality: tzaddik’s turtles concern.


    They got sucked in due to the negative pressure created by the tsunamis around the globe.

    Or, because of the overcrowding of cellphone frequencies they had to add a new range, which happens to coincide with the impedance of these plates. This causes an inductedd current that melts them.

    Perhaps the troll ate them.

    The TSA took them for screening. They can’t get the x-ray to go through it, so they’re being outsourced to China in meanwhile.

    The CIA noticed that rain bounces off these things. That made them very suspicious. An unidentified black car came by and snatched ’em.

    Really it’s all the fault of pigeon feeding. That makes the ground sticky. A car tire gets sticky and then rides off with these covers unknowingly.


    A couple of kids, preparing for their Lag b’Omer picnic, took them to try out as Frisbees.


    Wasn’t anyone wondering why the sewer pressure increased so dramatically that day?

    Nah, I guess I wouldn’t want to know either.


    sheesh, I didn’t think it would be such a big deal to BORROW a couple of manhole covers for my 102 barrels of wine I made recently….talk about a lack of scoops for the press these days…

    l’chaim yidden, l’chaim!


    How do you know they’re not there? Perhaps a sidewalk artist painted a hole.

    And come to think of it, how do you know it was ever there? It was only a picture of one. Now it got rubbed out.


    Man busted in city-wide manhole cover thefts

    (source: NYPost)

    The man behind the theft of manhole covers has been uncovered.

    Andrew Modica, 46, was arrested yesterday in connection with the numerous stolen manhole covers across the city, law enforcement sources told The Post this morning.

    Cops pulled Modica over in a stolen pickup truck near his home on 67th Street and 21st Avenue in Brooklyn after they tracked him down through a license plate and parking summons, sources said.

    Modica has been charged with criminal possession of stolen property and criminal impersonation.

    Modica admitted to some of the manhole thefts from the streets across Brooklyn, Queens and The Bronx, but claimed there were others he did not commit, sources said.

    He said he was selling the 320-pound, cast-iron lids to scrap metal yards for between 12 1/2 to 15 cents per pound in order to feed his drug habit.

    Modica said he uses crack, cocaine and heroin, sources said.

    The covers measure up to 32 inches across and cost Con Ed about $200 to replace, Con Ed spokesman Allan Drury said last week.

    Stealing them creates a hazard to motorists and pedestrians. Con Ed says it tries to replace covers right away, although sometimes, the holes are temporarily covered with metal plates.

    Scrap-metal prices peaked in the summer of 2008, but then plunged in the wake of the financial crisis, said Bryan Berry of the Web site

    Since then, prices have been rising steadily, Berry said.


    The above is what the MSM is claiming as the explanation. We know better.

    – The Flat Earth Society, to make scale-models of the globe.

    – The Men in Black, to plug wormholes that predatory little green men would otherwise be crawling thru.

    – British Petroleum, to keep handy as plugs for the next time they drill in the Gulf.

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