Math Jokes

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    OK everyone knows this, but need something to start the thread off with…
    Why was 6 afraid of 7?
    Because 7 ate 9


    You think you want math jokes? Google how to catch a lion in the desert.


    Question: What’s the difference between a philosopher and a mathematician?

    Answer: A philosopher need two things: A pencil and paper. A mathematician needs three things: A pencil, paper and a waste basket.

    (Actually, that’s not a joke.)


    A functioning meth addict is just a guy that never stole copper pipe from an abandoned house.

    Oh, wait, did you say math or meth?


    A math teacher was apprehended with a compass and protector. He was accused of having weapons of math instruction.


    Here’s a longer version of the above joke:

    A public school teacher was arrested today at Chicago’s O’Hare International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator.
    At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra Movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
    “Al-Gebra is a problem for us,” Gonzalez said. “They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like ‘x’ and ‘y’ and refer to themselves as ‘unknowns’, but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.

    Avi K

    A HS dropout, an accountant and an actuary applied for a job. Each was asked how much is 1+1.
    The dropout said “Duh. I think 3”.
    The accountant took out his calculator, tapped “1+1=” and announced “2”.
    The actuary closed the door and whispered “How much do you want it to be?”


    sorry but these jokes just don’t add up…..


    “sorry but these jokes just don’t add up….”

    Yes, but they on multiplying.


    Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
    A: Pumpkin pi


    I hope my HTML notation works for this…

    Problem: Expand the expression (x + 2)²


    ( x + 2 ) ²
    (  x  +  2  ) ²
    (   x   +   2   ) ²
    (    x    +   2    ) ²

    Edited to hopefully make it look like what you wanted – 33

    Edited again. I think it’s supposed to look like this. -25

    Thanks! Now I get the joke. -33


    Thank you Editors 33 & 25. Yes, I was trying to “superscript” the power value.
    Actually, the spacing before the ^2 was also supposed to increase, but this suffices.


    and keep going down in value.


    You don’t have to so negative.
    I Gauss you don’t like this line of humor.
    If you want, Euclid come up with your own


    I’m sorry if I place blame.
    i can be the root of negativity.


    I’m trying to be positive here but my dear aunt sally just can’t do any simple algebra problems today.


    Three statisticians go out hunting together. After a while they spot a solitary rabbit. The first statistician takes aim and overshoots. The second aims and undershoots. The third shouts out “We got him!”


    A physicist, a biologist, and a mathematician are sitting on a bench across from a house. They watch as two people go into the house, and then a little later, three people walk out.

    The physicist says, “The initial measurement was incorrect.”

    The biologist says, “They must have reproduced.”

    And the mathematician says, “If exactly one person enters that house, it will be empty.”


    thank you joseph. that was great! (people in the house joke)
    best thing youve ever posted

    AOn the way to the store, logician’s wife tells him “,by a gallon of milk if they have eggs get a dozen”
    He returns with a dozen Gallons of milk
    His wife asks: “Whats with all the milk”
    he replies: “they had eggs”

    (Usually told with a computer programmer, this way it fits in the math jokes thread)


    A Sheepdog tells his herder “Here are your 40 sheep”
    The herder asks “but I only own 37?”
    The sheepdog replies “I rounded them up”

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