May 8, 2012 7:03 pm at 7:03 pm #603313
Epis a friend i have who nebach wants to have mixed dancing at his chasuna. How can i convince him not to ???May 8, 2012 7:59 pm at 7:59 pm #873849TheGoqParticipant
Show him Fiddler on the Roof and he will realize it will cause a pogrom.May 8, 2012 8:32 pm at 8:32 pm #873850thewaddlingduckMember
epis mixed dancing is “abizrayhu d’ Arayos”May 8, 2012 8:32 pm at 8:32 pm #873851
ya i tried that but he doesnt watch moviesMay 8, 2012 8:32 pm at 8:32 pm #873852
did you not know that movies are muvesMay 8, 2012 8:59 pm at 8:59 pm #873853☕️coffee addictParticipant
Epis a troll post,
My advice is tell him to do it under a bridgeMay 8, 2012 10:08 pm at 10:08 pm #873854squeakParticipant
“but he doesnt watch movies”
ROTFLMay 8, 2012 10:17 pm at 10:17 pm #873855golden momMember
well solve all problems if he gets married in any frum hall they will not allow it so just convince him to get married in a frum hall and after he puts money down he wont be able to back out lolMay 8, 2012 10:25 pm at 10:25 pm #873856ConcernedMemberParticipant
Transparent trolling intended to cause people to criticize other groups of Jews. How sad.
On the miniscule chance that this is actually a true story the solution is simple: If you’re a friend of his, you can have a conversation with him. The fact that you would need the advice of an internet forum to tell you that is puzzling, but there it is.
If he listens to your advice, great. If he doesn’t listen and you feel uncomfortable attending, don’t go.May 8, 2012 10:33 pm at 10:33 pm #873857NechomahParticipant
Nu, he doesn’t watch movies but he wants mixed dancing???May 8, 2012 11:23 pm at 11:23 pm #873858
the ywn cr was invented for trollingMay 9, 2012 12:20 am at 12:20 am #873859
epis there’s mamish a guy who neach thinks his tachlis is to be a troll. L’choirah, he must think his post are in gantzen geshmak, but really, they’re nebish.May 9, 2012 12:50 am at 12:50 am #873860twinkleSTARMember
@ epis: “ya i tried that but he doesnt watch movies”
But he wants mixed dancing?!?!?!May 9, 2012 1:04 am at 1:04 am #873861Sam2Participant
See the Be’ur Halachah quoting R’ Akiva Eiger in Siman 339 (maybe it’s 337).May 9, 2012 1:26 am at 1:26 am #873862
epis mixed dancing is a very big issur. I would give you friend a mussar shmooze on the importance of seperation between men and women. Efsher you should also teach him about the dinim of mechitzosMay 9, 2012 1:27 am at 1:27 am #873863
epis mixed dancing is a very big issur. I would give you friend a mussar shmooze on the importance of seperation between men and women. Efsher you should also teach him about the dinim of mechitzosMay 9, 2012 2:30 am at 2:30 am #873864nannyMember
is this friend of yours religious? Modern orthodox? Would you have any clue about the reason why he would want mixed dancing? Different situations have different ways to aprouch it…May 9, 2012 2:53 am at 2:53 am #873865
k for all those who are making a leitzanus of me, your mamish being “chosheish bksheirim”. i have a real problem and i really want to help out my friend who is very confused in yidishkeit. PLEASE HELP MEMay 9, 2012 3:15 am at 3:15 am #873866emlfMember
Off the top of my head –
What are his reasons for wanting mixed dancing? Not that any reason justifies it, but it can make it easier to approach the topic. Does he have family members who are insistent on mixed dancing? Does he lack the sensitivity to kedusha? Is he afraid of what his “friends” or the kalla’s side will say?
If it’s a matter of ta’ava and lack of kedusha, perhaps you can try to explain that one’s chasuna sets a foundation. It’s a fresh start, sets the tone for the future . . . Keeping the genders separate allows everyone there to focus on what a chasuna really is and focus on bringing simcha to the chosson and kalla. If the setting is skewed, it can affect the marriage.
Start off by finding something that he will for sure agree on. I imagine that any rational person recognizes that a chasuna is a special time, even if the person doesn’t understand just how special a time it is. Perhaps ask him what his goals are for marriage, to try to get him thinking in a more spiritual direction.
Yelling and arguments probably won’t help. Food for thought can.
And most of all, before and after you speak to him, and silently as you speak to him, beg HaShem to put the right words in your mouth and to open his heart to Torah truths. Remember that you are doing this, not because you want to be the hero who got your friend to not have mixed dancing at his chasuna, but because you want to do ratzon HaShem and help others do ratzon HaShem.
Hatzlocha.May 9, 2012 3:33 am at 3:33 am #873867not2brightMember
Well, since you said in the Israel post that you are in 11th Grade and I hope none of your 11th Grade friends are getting married, maybe you should get someone who is the same age as the choson, or get your Mashgiach/ Rosh Yeshiva to talk to him.May 9, 2012 3:40 am at 3:40 am #873868
epis: Yes, you mamish have a real problem. L’maaseh, the tzuris you have are a cheftzah of your own imagination. Un nuch besser, you don’t even know the proper name for things!
As per your request, I’ll try to help you. Go find a bridge and live under it. That way everyone knows you’re a troll.May 9, 2012 4:01 am at 4:01 am #873869twinkleSTARMember
Ummm…Feif Un, There is no need to speak so harshly. This person is asking for advice, and if you can’t give it, don’t say anything.
@Not2bright, he might be in 11th grade, perhaps this friend is a family member or older friend that he is close with..but yeah, I agree with u, maybe epis, get s/one like a RY or Mashgiach to talk with him…May 9, 2012 12:54 pm at 12:54 pm #873870
twinkleSTAR: No, he’s not looking for advice. He’s trolling. His friend doesn’t watch movies, but wants mixed dancing? Seriously? The thread is a joke. A bad one.May 9, 2012 6:53 pm at 6:53 pm #873871oomisParticipant
“Epis a friend i have who nebach wants to have mixed dancing at his chasuna. How can i convince him not to ??? “
Assuming this post is not a joke (which sorry to say it really sounds like a leg-puller to me), you cannot convince your friend of anything. It is his wedding, his family dynamic, and his business. You can, if you are truly understandably uncomfortable, attend the chuppah only, and if he asks why not the whole wedding, tell him that while you are very happy for his getting married and wish him mazel tov, that you don’t attend simchas where there will be mixed dancing. You cannot change what his family wants to do at their simcha (or the other side might be extremely modern and wants mixed dancing), but you can act according to your own conscience. If enough of his friends tell him they cannot attend the entire chasunah for that reason, perhaps he will try to change the plan for the mixed dancing.
BTW, were this my own situation, I would simply refrain from dancing. I would personally not seek to hurt someone’s feelings at his own simcha. For the sake of Sholom Bayis (with extended family members), I have attended my husband’s family simchas where the FOOD was not kosher, let alone the dancing! My husband and I wished the families involved mazel tov, and then sat quietly. And when asked to dance OR eat, we simply said thanks, that we would love to, everything looks delicious, but that we cannot, and that we do not dance in mixed groups. No big explanations, no pontifications. My in-laws truly appreciated our attendance, nonetheless. And in the eyes of the frei Jews who were there, we were menschlech (meaning, they didn’t think we were stuck up holier than thou-ers, and they respected us for it.May 10, 2012 3:27 am at 3:27 am #873873shtiky shloMember
i think if he wants mixed dancing and u cant convince him otherwise dont go (doesn’t watch movies but wants mixed dancing? try again)im sure moshe would agreeMay 10, 2012 8:06 pm at 8:06 pm #873874
shtiky shlo, oomis, and feif un
u guys all think youre so geshmak by making fun of me and calling me a troll but let me broaden your horizon..not every1 is the same there are different situatioons that different people find themselves in and ur leitzanus isnt helping. If u dont want to help thts fine. but dont mock meMay 10, 2012 11:59 pm at 11:59 pm #873875mikehall12382Member
When you say mixed dancing, are you referring to different styles of dancing? For instance starting off with a waltz, then moving onto ballroom dancing, adding a bit of tap and ending the song with some ballet moves? Maybe even adding the twist for good measure?
Because if this is the issue, although it may look a bit funny I don’t see how it concerns you. If you feel more comfortable sticking with one genre of dance you should feel free to do so.May 11, 2012 1:18 am at 1:18 am #873876MiddlePathParticipant
epis, oomis’s advice is excellent, as usual. I’d recommend doing what she suggested.May 11, 2012 3:59 am at 3:59 am #873877Torah UmadaMember
I know mixed dancing is very bad. What about mixed seating???May 11, 2012 1:18 pm at 1:18 pm #873878enlightenedjewMember
trollMay 11, 2012 1:49 pm at 1:49 pm #873879yichusdikParticipant
Torah Umada…..could lead to dancing. 🙂May 11, 2012 3:49 pm at 3:49 pm #873880Your a gift to humanityMember
You have to understand that the reason he wants mixed dancing, is not a disease it’s a symptom, you have to find out his disease why he came to this level to want mixed dancing,you have to know what triggered him to come so low, when you come to the doctor that you don’t feel well and you have fever and a rash and you have no appetite,the doctor wont prescribe a medication for everything separate, the doctor will find out whats causing all the symptoms and he will give you one medicine to cure all the symptoms, the same here you need to cure his disease and then all the symptoms will be cured Bezrat Hashem.May 11, 2012 7:22 pm at 7:22 pm #873881
For all those who are concerned. Epis wants a serious answer and it isnt fair to call him a troll unless you are absolutely sure.May 11, 2012 7:51 pm at 7:51 pm #873882EzratHashemMember
A lot of MO singles go to lounges where there is mixed dancing–it is so much a part of their life that having a wedding with separate dancing seems weird to them. Yet, still, they want a kosher chuppa, and their guest list often includes people who would not attend a mixed dancing event.May 11, 2012 9:47 pm at 9:47 pm #873883
EzratHashem: You have no idea what you’re talking about.May 13, 2012 2:15 am at 2:15 am #873884
so far all of your posts on this thread (which is very serious0 have been shutting down other posters. if u dont haveything nice to say just dont say it!May 13, 2012 3:22 am at 3:22 am #873885
Feif Un- just to add on to what epis said, i believe the rules of the cr (if youve read them) say no loshon hara-what you have been saying might lead to loshon hara because very often people on the cr know each other.May 13, 2012 3:39 am at 3:39 am #873886OneOfManyParticipant
The rules also say no multiple screen names.May 13, 2012 3:49 am at 3:49 am #873887
OneOfMany-again more assumptions-and by the way i have only one screen name so maybe gather some more info before you post somethingMay 13, 2012 3:57 am at 3:57 am #873888OneOfManyParticipant
Yeah whatever, troll.May 13, 2012 4:34 am at 4:34 am #873889
just because people agree with each other it doesnt mean they are the same person under different user names. not everyone in the cr has to argue with the nextMay 13, 2012 1:36 pm at 1:36 pm #873890more_2Member
Oneofmany -“It’s another one of my Many usernames;)”May 13, 2012 6:31 pm at 6:31 pm #873891
Hockoftherock doesn’t have more than one user name. By the way as i have said before epis is looking for a serious answer, and not to be called a trollMay 13, 2012 9:51 pm at 9:51 pm #873892Sam2Participant
Three friends who know each other and decide to back up each other’s posts are trolling just as hard as one person masquerading as three. There’s no difference.May 13, 2012 11:52 pm at 11:52 pm #873893WolfishMusingsParticipant
If you’re wondering how to make it so that your friend does not have mixed dancing at his wedding, here is what you should do:
1. Ask your friend for the guest list. Call everyone on the list and warn them that there will be mixed dancing and that if they participate, they will be in violation of a severe issur.
2. Get to the wedding hall early, erect a mechitzah and put up signs indicating which side is the mens’ side and which is the womens’.
3. When people arrive and begin to disregard your efforts, make a scene. Physically stand in the way when men and women begin to dance. Shout and scream over the music. Perhaps even try to physically separate the couples.
When all this is done, you will no longer have the problem of having a friend with mixed dancing by his wedding. Instead, you will have an ex-friend with mixed dancing by his wedding.
The WolfMay 14, 2012 1:27 am at 1:27 am #873894
lol Yamoos7123, how would you know how many user names someone has?
epis: As I said earlier, this thread is a third-rate (at best) trolling job. As for my “putting down” of EzratHashem, I was simply defending a group of tens of thousands (at least) of frum Jews who he felt the need to attack.May 14, 2012 1:53 am at 1:53 am #873895
To Sam2: You don’t believe in helping out a friend in needMay 14, 2012 2:48 am at 2:48 am #873896LogicianParticipant
Can someone please start a thread where we all sign up to agree not to respond to these trolls ?May 14, 2012 3:03 am at 3:03 am #873897EzratHashemMember
Feif un: Let’s review my post. I did not say all MO engaged in this behavior, and I certainly agree there are many serious MO. However, the scene I described definitely exists among a sizable contingent of MO, I know this as a fact. I’m not sure what part of that fact you view as an attack.May 14, 2012 2:48 pm at 2:48 pm #873898
EzratHashem: You wrote that for many MO, mixed dancing is a part of their life, and that having a wedding with mixed dancing is weird. This is not true.
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