Nasi Project has a new approach, I hear. Is this a nasty rumor?
Home › Forums › Shidduchim › Nasi Project has a new approach, I hear. Is this a nasty rumor?
- This topic has 139 replies, 55 voices, and was last updated 11 years, 4 months ago by GS.
October 29, 2011 5:05 pm at 5:05 pm #823920ToiParticipant
the poor girls are toasted- not only because they cant pay. if a 24 year old girl gets a shidduch now the shadchan wil taaneh for at least 5 grand- he couldve got that for a younger girl!! shadchanus everywhere will go up, then the poor prople are really messed over. and stop the dumb comments about boys. we already know its a supply and demand market. if you hate boys so much dont let your daughter marry one.October 29, 2011 6:43 pm at 6:43 pm #823921mamashtakahMember
What’s to stop a shadchan from holding off on a girl until she gets older, thereby bringing in more money?October 29, 2011 11:43 pm at 11:43 pm #823922happiestMember
I have a question that might have been addressed already but maybe I missed the response to it.
Does this $ include the shadchanus that might come of an engaged couple? Or then the chosson and kallah have to go pay a couple of thousand after forking out anywhere from 5000-13000?October 30, 2011 12:40 am at 12:40 am #823923
Girls all over are throwing up… get the doctors in…fast.
I think we have an epidemic here…October 30, 2011 1:04 am at 1:04 am #823924
OK – I read the ad in the Yated this Shabbos. Our whole family thinks it’s absolutely CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
First of all – this is taking Hashem – THE ULTIMATE SHADCHAN – out of the picture! All the work – obviously is done by these amazing shadchanim – when I say “obviously”, I mean because otherwise how can they charge these amounts?
Secondly – I guess only the rich can join this exclusive club. The ad might as well say “Are You Rich? Are You Single? Come to us – we’ll solve the problem!”
Third – Many Rabbanim are putting takonos on wedding expenses. Don’t spend more than X amount on this, X amount on that… etc. because they know that the amount people spend on weddings is outrageous. They spend more than they can afford just to “keep up with the Jonses”! So now Nasi is charging outrageous amounts for shiduchim – when this money can be used toward the wedding? Yes a shadchan must get paid but come on…this is ridiculous!!!
Fourth – if the shadchan gets this much schar in this world, what does he/she get in Olam Haba?
Ok – no more numbering my statements – I feel they are making this into a business deal. It’s horrible. Also how do you think a girl feels if her next birhtday comes after she’s been on for 12 months and WHAM – she has to put up another thousand dollars? Wonderful – now she’s more of a neb.
One more thing – why don’t they list the Rabbonim who’s haskama they’re under? Do they not want their names known? Why? Sounds weird to me.October 30, 2011 1:06 am at 1:06 am #823925mazal77Participant
How come the boys don’t have to pay?? Very one sided.October 30, 2011 1:07 am at 1:07 am #823926oomisParticipant
When I first saw this in the Five Towns Jewish Times, I thought it was a Purim shpiel a few months early. It is in very poor taste, and anyone who buys in to this reprehensible form of offensive and greedy manipulation of vulnerable people, loses all respect from me. Shame on these vultures!
What about the poor girls (I mean that in the fiscal sense) whose families cannot afford such a massive cash outlay? And more important – WHAT ABOUT THE GUYS? Are they totally exempt from having to fork over some shekels, or does this stupid ad merely prove what I have been saying all along, that guys are always in demand, but girls are a liability by mere virtue of their gender?
I am appalled by the way in which this organization has presented itself. Shame on them for turning a great mitzvah into what is apparently for them only a mercenary venture.October 30, 2011 1:08 am at 1:08 am #823927
How come the boys don’t have to pay?? Very one sided.
They do have to pay. They have to put up with these girls for the rest of their lives.October 30, 2011 1:30 am at 1:30 am #823928
here are some FAQ:
a) why do the numbers go up each year. why can’t it just be one number for all young women above a certain age
b) why start at 22. how sad that 22 years old now are made to feel “nebach”. Why didn’t NASI pick a older age and start there, why 22?
I’ll leave these to see if the CR has any clue as to why NASI laucnched this part of the project but you can be sure there are good answers to these questions.
related to some of the other comments it seems some people missed this post earlier…
This actually is the biggest help for the poorer girls. it will enable them to get the attention that previoulsly only weathly girls were getting. In fact wealthy girls you can be sure won’t be on the list…
Here’s a question:
Re: the girls who don’t have the money handy etc… if eliyahu hanovi came to town and guaranteed they would be married by chanuka. How much would a 25 year old or a 28 year old girl give for that guarantee…..
we all know they would give 7,000 or 11,000 in a flash… whatever it takes…. Serve pizza at the wedding but at least they’ll dance!
NASI is not eliyahu hanavi…. but her money isn’t spent until after she walks down the aisle…. they aren’t making any promises for results, they aren’t even promising any phone calls. They will get this list into the hands of shadchanim all over the country and there’s a good chance that girls on the list will get attetnion more than if they weren’t on the list.
No one is forcing any girl to join.
any day a girl wants her money back she can have it back. The money belongs to her not to NASI. what does she have to lose… the .025% interest that the money was earning in a savings account.
Only time will tell if it works or not. If it works (meaning girls join and girls get married) then it’s all good. If it doesn’t, meaning either girls don’t join, or they join and don’t get married, then no harm no foul. No one spent any money other than NASI on some ads.
Re: the need for oversight and to instill confidence in the community. VERY true point. As the ad mentioned, they are setting up a system that will leave no room for doubt. It will be strict and it will be transparent. It should be in place shortly and when it is it will be publized.
For the record: the mission of the NASI Project hasn’t changed one iota. Alleviate the shidduch crisis by closing the age gap. This program is another piece of accomplishing that end, by generating massive attention for the girls who didn’t just start dating will result in more for them.
as an aside the 100/400 program (appreciating shadchanim for achiveable results produced for girls who didn’t just start dating) has been tremendously succesful. It is active in 6 different communites and will be coming to two more large in town communities withing the next few weeks.October 30, 2011 1:39 am at 1:39 am #823929
I am now officially declaring, that in Popa’s view:
………….. “This Idea Is Retarded*”……………..
For two reasons:
Firstly, it is crazy for these couple of nuts from queens to set the baseline by which all shadchanim will now expect to get paid. (As one of my friends told me- “I have a 30 year old sister; does this mean every shadchan will now ask her if she is signed up with this for 13k?”)
I want to know: Just who gave you permission to do this? Just who allowed you to change the way shadchanim will expect to be compensated?
Secondly, while you rightly point out that 13k is not a lot to pay to get married, and people do spend more than that on a wedding, you are asking people to put up the money without knowing whether it will be years before they get married. These are large sums of money, most of us don’t have it lying around. I can’t imagine very many people will join this.
*I use the term retarded, because I am personally acquainted with some fools, idiots, dolts, stupidheads, morons, knuckleheads, shnooks, and fat people, and I would not want to use their condition as a pejorative.October 30, 2011 1:43 am at 1:43 am #823930
One second. It isn’t just 13K for the shadchan. It’s 13K from the girls side. The boys side is going to be expected to pay the shadchan on top of that.October 30, 2011 1:46 am at 1:46 am #823931
“As for poor girls, life is unfair. Sorry but that too is reality. They will get theirs thru prayer and the RBS”O.”
EXCUSE ME? Are you saying the rich girls won’t get it through prayer and the RBS”O? Proves my point that this new Nasi program is taking Hashem out of the picture. Nasi is for the rich and Hashem is for the poor. OK- I get it. We’ll stick with Hashem – He’s quite a bit more experienced.
BTW- is anyone game to attach this thread and send it to the email address listed on Nasi’s ad?October 30, 2011 1:50 am at 1:50 am #823932
LOL gefen. Nasi reads this thread as soon as you or anyone posts here.October 30, 2011 1:51 am at 1:51 am #823933
Now we got gefen going. (cowers under table in starbucks, emerging only to grab cup and get free refill)October 30, 2011 1:59 am at 1:59 am #823934
Englishman – good i’m glad they’ll read it – but how can you be so sure they really do read it?
Popa – whasa matter? you don’t like when i get going? btw – i’ve never been inside a starbucks.October 30, 2011 2:02 am at 2:02 am #823935
btw – i’ve never been inside a starbucks.
Why do you think I go there? hee hee.October 30, 2011 2:02 am at 2:02 am #823936
gefen – because they don’t just read it. They respond here too.October 30, 2011 2:03 am at 2:03 am #823937
LOL PopaOctober 30, 2011 2:36 am at 2:36 am #823938
Would it not be much simpler to simply auction the girls? Establish a marketplace and “sell” to the lowest bidder. Boys would submit the lowest price (bid) they would accept as a dowry. The boy submitting the lowest bid wins her.
Of course prior to the beginning of the auction there would be a meeting of buyers and sellers (like a singles event), where the buyers (boys) can decide which products (girls) they wish to bid on. And the sellers (girls) can choose which bidder (boys) to approve submitting a bid for them.October 30, 2011 3:02 am at 3:02 am #823939
Englishman – TERRIFIC IDEA!!! Let’s put an ad in the Yated, Hamodea, and any other papers you think would get our attention. 😉October 30, 2011 4:02 am at 4:02 am #823940Kshmo Kein HuMember
Plain and Simple this ad stinks.
editedOctober 30, 2011 4:32 am at 4:32 am #823941
Englishman: Great idea to do away with the need for shadchanim and put them out of business!
Not sure how comfortable I’d feel on the auction block tho 😉
LOLOctober 30, 2011 5:36 am at 5:36 am #823942apushatayidParticipant
“I can just see a shadchan telling a 30 year old girl they will only set them up for 13k, now that the price has been given that baseline.”
PBA. This won’t happen as a result of this ad, it happens already. Over shabbos, a 1st cousing of mine who is pushing 40 (he is maybe 38 or 39, not really sure) related that several years ago he got a call from a shadchan who had a wonderful girl to suggest to him. She related some of the basics. He told her, sounds good, I’m interested in pursuing it. Her response was, before we continue, I want you to know my fee is 15000 thousand dollars. He declined her services and told her if this girl is his bashert, hashem will send it through another shliach.October 30, 2011 6:05 am at 6:05 am #823943
This ad should have had a disclaimer in bold print:
Not meant for older Bais Yaakov and other teachers anxious to find a Shidduch, being that they get their meager salaries months later and cant afford those sums. Too bad on them!October 30, 2011 7:50 am at 7:50 am #823944Kshmo Kein HuMember
Oh cmon my first word was so much better! I know it wasnt the nicest but they deserved it!October 30, 2011 1:25 pm at 1:25 pm #823945ItcheSrulikMember
Reason #376 that I refuse to deal with this kind of shadchanus.October 30, 2011 1:35 pm at 1:35 pm #823946
Its about as ugly as if Hatzolah would have put in an ad like this:
From now on, if you want proper professional care, pay in advance as follows, based on complaint:
Chest pains $50,000
Broken bones $25,000
Excessive bleeding $20,000
Stomach ailments $10,000
Hey, no complaining! Wouldnt you give away your last penny for proper care? You wanna die or something?October 30, 2011 2:14 pm at 2:14 pm #823947
Suggestion, why not contact the NASI Project and present your arguments directly to them, and hear what they have to say. For the record, over the summer one famous (or infamous) member of CR who did alot of NASI bashing did just that and i’m told that he was quite satisfied after their conversation.
Ditto Dr. PepperOctober 30, 2011 2:44 pm at 2:44 pm #823948zahavasdadParticipant
In the non-charedi or non-jewish world people pay for dates all the time
Its usually called things like match.com ,jdate or eharmony or there are professional dating services like its just lunch where there charge hefty fees.
BUT these places claim to weed out people. If you are going to pay $15K for a match, what are you getting for $15K. Are you getting the Rosh Hayeshiva , his son or prized Talmid or are you getting a schlumper who cant learn and cant hold a job down and the only reason you were set up with him is because he is single and the proper age.October 30, 2011 2:47 pm at 2:47 pm #823949
This was mass public wounding and humiliation of older girls and their parents. Its not only me. Me being satisfied is irrelevant.October 30, 2011 2:50 pm at 2:50 pm #823950
So, returning to the OP’s question: It appears the CR consensus is that this was a nasty rumor.October 30, 2011 2:56 pm at 2:56 pm #823951Opinions123Member
To lay out the ad with a $1,000 increase per age for everyone to see must make these girls feel even more dejected, helpless and crestfallen. You are blatantly telling these singles that their worth, their value as a person, decreases with each passing birthday. My emotions slowly changed from anger to sadness. Have we become so low as a society that the only incentive to help each other out in times of hardship is through exorbitant sums of money? What lesson are we teaching our children? We are a people that prides ourselves on chessed and on feeling the pain of others. We should be ashamed that the only way we can think of to change this shidduch system is by adding a high monetary incentive.October 30, 2011 3:34 pm at 3:34 pm #823952
I have been reading the negative reaction to the recent Nasi Game Changer ad. I have a lot of thoughts but will only put a few here.
Another thing people are forgetting you only pay if you get married!! Not engaged but married!! You got nothing to lose except if you really want to get married and have shadchanim reading you to good boys you got to pay. In the non jewish world when you pay for such a service you do NOT get your money back if you back out. So this is a pretty good deal. You can back out anytime and get your money returned if it does not work for the individual.
The truth is my first reaction is like everyone else with disgust. But after reading word for word to the entire plan I think it makes a lot of sense and can work for the right individual. People need to think outside the box a little. The only thing I would have changed is the age should have started at 25 and not 22. But they needed to start at 22 since then no one would read 22-24 shidduchim since there is no incentive.October 30, 2011 3:56 pm at 3:56 pm #823953
Opinions123: Well said. On behalf or myself and all of my single friends- thank you for saying it.October 30, 2011 3:57 pm at 3:57 pm #823954
Another thing people are forgetting you only pay if you get married!!
Yes, but you need to lay it out in advance, just to get the dates. 13k is quite a boatload of money- a lot more than I have in my checking account.October 30, 2011 4:12 pm at 4:12 pm #823955FL613Member
My concern is that are other Shadchanim who don’t get the lists going to charge these prices? I wonder if the Shadchan will have to pay to get a list.October 30, 2011 4:54 pm at 4:54 pm #823956
This would be much more palatable if EVERY frum couple that gets married, would donate X amount towards this need. Possibly a percentage of the wedding costs- everyone knows that giving Tzedaka on the day of the wedding is a good idea, and possibly sign something to do their best Hishtadlus to match single friends. Then everyone would gain in the end, and Hashem would gain Nachas from us iyH.October 30, 2011 5:14 pm at 5:14 pm #823957
popa_bar_abba: I agree I don’t have that kinda of money either. However a 30 year old living at their parents home DOES have that kind of money. That is the benefit of marrying a older single girl. There is a good chance she is alredy financially established.October 30, 2011 5:15 pm at 5:15 pm #823958
mylogic37: Nice to see someone gets it.
a big reason it started at 22 and not at 25 is because a major part of this program is continuion to close the age gap. for the 75% of shadchanim who don’t even look at young women over 25 (and this program would encourage them to work a bit but they will still spend their majority of their time on the guy who are just begingin to date (22-25) and the girls who could be matched with them. it is CRITICAL to encourage attention for 22+ instead of everyone chasing the 19 and 20 year olds.
Of course: why are you bashful about contating them directly. Perhaps they will agree with you and close the program, Or perhpas you might get a much better understanding and then you’ll report back the CR. Is a simple email/phone to much to ask?
FL613: the list will be made available to all shadchanim who would like it. There will be no charge. They simply have to agree to abide by a few basic rules to ensure integrity of the program.
(Dr. Pepper. Why don’t you ask NASI to insist that all your suggested guidlines be required for any shadchan getting the list :), but don’t waste your time it’s not happeningOctober 30, 2011 5:42 pm at 5:42 pm #823959agittayidParticipant
As long as the fee for the shadchan is in escrow, it should remain there until the 5th wedding anniversary of the young couple. Upon the 5th anniversary the shadchan will receive the fee; thus ensuring that the shadchan will work to find a suitable, lasting match.
A shadchan may offer to provide counseling services to the young couple should they ask for it. As the shadchan would have a stake in the marriage lasting 5 years, it would be to the chadchan’s advantage to help.
A farmer who plants a tree may have to wait years until the tree bears fruit. Perhaps shadchans should also have patience while the efforts of their matchmaking bears fruit.October 30, 2011 6:17 pm at 6:17 pm #823960A23Participant
AZ, it’s very clear that you are affiliated with NASI. Why, on the one hand, do you answer questions and talk about insider information from within the organization, yet on the other hand, request that CR members contact NASI directly?October 30, 2011 6:20 pm at 6:20 pm #823961chaimboruchMember
I give full credit to MP for starting this project– and wish him much success!
However i have all the issues that everyone else has.
We are all convincing the shadchonim to deal with the ‘older girls’
What about the ‘older guys’??
Maybe give an incentive to them?
Maybe there should be a pool of money to let the 26+ guys date from?
As a guy who dated a lot (BH now married) it costs a lot to date, and to just go on another date with a girl that has not that much on paper, why should i do it? from Lakewood to NY is over $100 easy with gas tolls and a rental car.
Maybe this will be an incentive for the guys to listen to these older girls..
and then there is an issue when a shadchan is pressured into making a shidduch ($$$$) and the more money that is there (more pressure) will make the guys go out, brainwash them that this is the right girl ($$$), the shadchan gets his/her $ and then who will deal with their sholam Bayis for the next few years????
I dont mean to knock the idea, i just think it needs a little more structuring.
Maybe the $$ should go to a tzedaka that the shadchan chooses?? (not to cover tution or some other expense.)
this is my 2 cents!!
But again credit is due to MP, he wants to make it work! and we should too, lets all try to figure out a way that all the guys and girls get married!!! soon!!!October 30, 2011 7:34 pm at 7:34 pm #823962youhavegottobekiddingmeMember
“popa_bar_abba: I agree I don’t have that kinda of money either. However a 30 year old living at their parents home DOES have that kind of money. That is the benefit of marrying a older single girl. There is a good chance she is alredy financially established.”
Really? Let me introduce you to the world of the single girl living at home.
I happily pay for:
1)Health insurance: all of it, including copays.
2)all my car expenses, including cost of the car, all maintenance, insurance, title and sticker fees as well as gas
3)All my clothing, shoes including alterations, cleaning, shaatnez testing, etc.
4)cell phone bill
5)all my credit card bills,
6)I WORKED through college, my parents were very generous as to help me through it – but I payed for at least half.
7)All recreational activities, including any eating out or hanging out with frends, all vacations.
8) Traveling to date – and when you live out of town and each tocket can be $200 – $300, it gets pricey.
Now, I do not pay for rent, or for food – so add that to the list of any single girl living on her own,
I’m sure there’s more. I’m not complaining about any of this – you know why? here’s why: Where did all of this bring me? It has turned me into a RESPONSIBLE adult who watches what she spends, and knows what it means to pitch in and help out as part of a FAMILY. THAT is the advantage to marrying an older single.
Please do not make older singles out to be girls who sit on their overflowing bank accounts and have $13, 000 to throw around. That is a gross mirepresentation of reality.
I have a decent savings – even after all of the responsibilties I have taken on. But I worked hard to save that so I would have what to contribute to my future HOME! Please don’t tell me that if i want to see that home, I’ll need to give up my savings. I believe that Hashem can and will help me build one even if I do not shell out $13, 000 to do so.October 30, 2011 8:01 pm at 8:01 pm #823963
Please do not make older singles out to be girls who sit on their overflowing bank accounts and have $13, 000 to throw around. That is a gross mirepresentation of reality.
I agree with above.
There are loads of girls who have little or no savings at 30, despite working, because they spend/travel to compensate for loneliness. You cant blame them. If I was 30 and single ch”v, and saw that ad, Id go on a huge spending spree, Id be so depressed.
I wonder if they got a feel for public opinion before they went ahead and publicized this brainstorm.October 30, 2011 8:15 pm at 8:15 pm #823964
youhavekiddingme: You don’t elicit much empathy when crying all about your vacation, recreation, hanging out, and traveling expenses.
agitation: The anarchism isn’t responsible to make a marriage work (or even in selecting a marriage partner.)October 30, 2011 8:39 pm at 8:39 pm #823965
NASI’s position all along has been there is not enough boys and there are too many girls in the shidduch market. This new program seemingly does nothing about that. How does this alleviate the issue of older boys marrying younger girls?
Also, about three years ago NASI had a program that paid shadchanim a few thousands per shidduch. That didn’t work out, apparently for financial reasons, and was discontinued. Why would this program not suffer a similar fate?October 30, 2011 9:16 pm at 9:16 pm #823966
youhavegottobekiddingme: I hear you. In my original post I pointed our there will be exceptions. But it seems maybe more the majority is like yourself and the miniority. Who knows. Only Nasi will know to see if people will shell out the 13K. Sorry if my response offended you/anyone.October 30, 2011 11:05 pm at 11:05 pm #823967
We also have to take into consideration that there are numerous families who have more than one daughter who needs a shidduch. So,if for example one has a daughter of 29,25 and 23 or another who has nebache 28,31 and 33, if you add it up it’s alot of money for anyone.
Another issue in the ad is stating that it is endorsed by many rabbonim, yet not one Ravs name is listed.
Too many people trusted Bernie Madoff and we are expected to run after a big enticing add that may be just “luft maisos”, nothing but air!October 31, 2011 12:17 am at 12:17 am #823968TROLL – BLOCKEDMember
Since you are obviously NASI’s representative on this thread will you please give me a clear cut, straight answer to this question:
The ad says that “The program is a part of NASI Project and is under the direct supervision of the Roshei Yeshiva and Rabbonim who are guiding the NASI Project” .Would you be so kind to give me ONE,(just ONE!!!) reputable and upstanding Rav that has endorsed adding this “game changing” idea into the world of shadchanus? Thank you in advance for your helpful response that I’m sure you will provide to this reasonable request.October 31, 2011 2:39 am at 2:39 am #823969
I think this ship is sinking real quick.
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.