New Fresh Joke Thread

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Viewing 11 posts - 101 through 111 (of 111 total)
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  • #1027363
    noitallmr
    Participant

    What is better than God, poor people have it, rich people dont have it and if you eat it you will die?

    Nothing!!!

    #1027364
    notasheep
    Member

    My husband says that if I can’t stop snoring then he’ll leave me.

    I’ll miss that guy.

    #1027365
    notasheep
    Member

    “Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a moth.”

    “You don’t need a doctor, you need a psychiatrist.”

    “I know but I was passing by and your light was on…!

    “Doctor, doctor, my husband thinks he is an elevator.”

    “Tell him to come in.”

    “I can’t, he doesn’t stop at this floor…”

    #1027366
    yeshivaguy45
    Participant

    Notasheep, I heard the joke about snoring in regard to something else. I was at a camp in the Catskills, it was sort of in the middle of nowhere, and there was a sign that read,”My wife told me that if I go to the camp one more time, I’m going to leave you. I’m sure going to miss her.”

    #1027367
    Shticky Guy
    Participant

    Things I love doing-

    #1027368
    writersoul
    Member

    I don’t know if this is problematic, but this was on the front message board of a church near my house- I know I heard about it elsewhere, though, so I assume they copied it.

    It was in about the beginning of March when it was randomly snowing when everyone thought winter was over already, and it said, “If you’re praying for snow, PLEASE STOP!”

    #1027369
    notasheep
    Member

    That reminds me of a similar joke:

    A childless couple went to visit a gadol for a bracha whilst they were visiting E”Y. The gadol said he would put a kvittel into the kosel for them, and the couple left, satisfied.

    Five years later, they were back in E”Y for a holiday and the wife met the gadol again. He remembered her and asked how they were. She replied that they were doing fine: B”H they’d had twins ten months later, then triplets a year after that, and then another child and one more set of twins very close together.

    “Baruch Hashem!” the gadol said. “And where is your husband?”

    The wife replied, “He’s gone to the kosel to find that piece of paper!”

    #1027370
    frummy in the tummy
    Participant

    Has anyone seen the end of my

    #1027371
    👑RebYidd23
    Participant

    The Devil came into a church, and everyone ran away except one old woman who couldn’t run. So she told the Devil, “I know I’ve always seemed to be doing the right thing, I’ve been donating to charities and praying all my life. But really, I was on your side all along!”.

    #1027372
    SayIDidIt™
    Participant

    Q: Why did the boy take a pencil to bed?

    A.to draw the curtains!

    An Amelia Bedelia Classic! Gotta love her!

    SiDi™

    #1027373
    SayIDidIt™
    Participant

    A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft’s electronic navigation and communications qquipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter’s position and course to fly to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter’s window. The pilot’s sign said “WHERE AM I?” in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign and held it in a building window. Their sign read: “YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER.” The pilot smiled, waved, looked at her map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the “YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER” sign helped determine their position. The pilot responded “I knew that had to be the Microsoft building because, like their technical support, online help and product documentation, the response they gave me was technically correct, but completely useless.”

    SiDi™

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