oldest, middle, or youngest child?

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    Are you an oldest, middle, or youngest child? Which do you think is the best?

    (looking for a lighter thread after all these past heavy threads)

    morah reyna

    I am an oldest. The best? I am not quite sure. The youngest forsure is the most sppoiled and gets the best of everything. But thye can be hard hit. Oldests learn to give in more and have a stronger sense of right and wrong.


    First is the worst, second is the best, third gets the polka dot dress.


    i am the youngest or at least i was for a long time, being the youngest is not so great the older siblings to this very day have a huge chip on their shoulders and look down at me i am not included in any decision making regarding my elderly mother because who am i to have an opinion? im just the little boy in their eyes


    Yes, parenthood changes everything. But parenthood also changes with each baby. Here are some of the ways having a second and third child differs from having your first:

    Your Clothes

    1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.

    2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.

    3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

    Preparing for the Birth

    1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.

    2nd baby: You don’t bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn’t do a thing.

    3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.

    The Layette

    1st baby: You pre-wash your newborn’s clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby’s little bureau.

    2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.

    3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can’t they?


    1st baby: At the first sign of distress–a whimper, a frown–you pick up the baby.

    2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.

    3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.


    1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.

    2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby’s bottle.

    3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.


    1st baby: Sleeps in your bedroom for the first six – eight weeks

    2nd baby: Sleeps in your bedroom for the first two weeks

    3rd baby: Goes right from the hospital nursery into their own room

    Baby Book

    1st baby: You religiously make entries every day, carefully noting the number of spit-ups and bowel movements for the first year

    2nd baby: You enter a few facts each week but stop after 6 months

    3rd baby: You buy the book but enter the child’s name, birth weight, and length on the first page


    1st baby: You change your baby’s diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.

    2nd baby: You change their diaper every 2 to 3 hours, if needed.

    3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.


    1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.

    2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.

    3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

    Going Out

    1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times.

    2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.

    3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.

    At Home

    1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.

    2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn’t squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.

    3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.

    Swallowing a coin

    1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.

    2nd child: When 2nd child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for coin to pass.

    3rd child: When 3rd child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!!


    I am the middle child of a large family. I could say I had the “pleasure”? of being oldest too, because by the time I was a teenager none of my older siblings were around the house (married, yeshiva etc). There are joys to being oldest, joys to being middle and joys to being youngest. There are also hard parts to all three. The best part of being the middle is that I am one of the only ones who really knows all my sibilings well. The younger and older ones hardly lived in the same house at the same time. The worst part is ………


    I’m towards the end but not quite in the middle- (I have a large family). As a teenager I was also the oldest one home. I enjoyed being the oldest.

    One part I didnt like- was Yomtov when my married siblings came home, us single ones were the ones who served, cleared, and cleaned and had to watch my nieces and nephews.(My siblings all felt like they were on vacation when they came home.) Now, I cant say I blame them!


    been there bored stiff i would do all the serving and maybe one of my sister in laws would work up the effort to make one salad over the course of yontif and of course my brothers did nothing very frustrating


    I’m second oldest and I think it’s the best because you get (some of) the privileges of the oldest but you don’t get the same “because you’re the oldest” excuse. I think, judging by my friends that were the youngest of a large family, that when you are the only one left at home and all your siblings are out of the house you tend to get spoiled in a good way.



    I’m the oldest. What’s best? I don’t know that is a single answer for that question. For me, being oldest is best… because if I wasn’t the oldest, I probably wouldn’t be the person I am today. I also have no doubt that being the youngest is the best for my sister… again, because it helped to shape who she is.

    However, even if being the oldest wasn’t the “best” for me, so what? It’s not like I can change my birth order now. So why bother obsessing about things that can’t change? Far better to work on yourself and change the things you can.

    The Wolf


    I am the youngest and I had all the responsibility and none of the credit till the last few years of my mom’s life.


    I’m the youngest and I think both youngest and oldest were great in my home. We are two siblings.

    So happy to be me!

    pet peeve

    each family had different dynamics, and so therefore, there really isn’t one answer about which is best. in every case, the response will be different.

    always here

    mewho~ “I’m the youngest and I think both youngest and oldest were great in my home. We are two siblings.

    So happy to be me!” … same here, but I’m the older one 🙂


    upper middle


    🙂 always here


    Thanks Frummy McCrum – made me laugh

    Wolfish musings – you are so right

    I was the baby girl to a bunch of older brothers. They were all so sure that i would be spoiled, that they made sure to ‘unspoil’ me every step of the way. I feel lucky that i survived without any major surgery required 🙂 but as an adult it is wonderful to have all those boys care about you


    I am the middle child but I am also the oldest girl. I tend to have all the responsibilities of an oldest, but when the big boys come home for shabbos or yom tov, they get to boss me around!!! But ussually being the oldest one around is the best thing-I don’t have any symptoms of middle-child syndrome even though in birth order thats where I am.

    a mamin

    I was the youngest and in my geneartion that did not come along with being spoiled at all!! It also made it very hard when I lost my last parent! It’s two years now and I still can’t get over it, not having any parents at all!! No one can care about you the way a parent does… it’s a very lonely feeling!


    I am a middle child and I love it!! We don’t have any little kids to take care of, but, we’ve got adorable grandchildren if I’m in the mood of a mess;)Also, I’m the oldest at home, but, I’ve got older sisters and brother to have some fun.


    i’m the youngest and i gotta say its pretty good! lol


    ONLY CHILD!!!!


    youngest. the only child still living at home.. its the life =)


    I am the oldest of 9! I also have 7 brothers under me, and only after them a sister! So in a way it is great being the oldest because i earn the respect of all my younger siblings. I often find myself wishing i would have an older sister just to have gone through everything before me so that i wouldn’t have to be the “experiment” first one in h.s first going to sem, ect. but being the oldest really is great and i dont think i would ever give it up!



    youngest of a large family ‘Bli Ayin Hara’


    second to oldest-oldest girl though. I had a lot of responsibility- & it definitely helped me become who I am- the “take charge” person in the family.


    I am the eldest of four. I think we all turned out pretty great, B”H. None of us is an axe murderer, as far as I can tell. Yet.


    i’m the youngest, must say we do get better and more privelages.

    till today still get the saying “mommy’s little baby”. i’ll be the baby in my family as long as i’ll live.too bad like it or not,face it.


    i think for every family its different. im the youngest and i do alot more then my friend who is the oldest girl(1 bro on top of her). it depends on how much the parents make u help it has nothing to do with place in family


    I’m the youngest and I hate it. Yes its nice to have some of my own attention but I wish I had more siblings to help out. It’s nice that I have older sisters to teach me about things but its quite annoying when I become the unspoken babysitter when my married siblings come. They dump their kids without even asking and they assume I’ll watch them while really I was planning to go out with a friend. Or while I’m on the phone they’ll be yelling in the background to get this and that for them-soooo annoying. Happens too often:(. Lesson for older siblings: Your younger sister isn’t you slave.


    a mamin – it is very lonely and there is no replacement for a parent. this feeling will never go away completely.

    just try to remember that the reason u miss them is because they were so loving and how lucky you are to have had such loved feelings.

    Channel your emotions to try and be what they were-love and guide your children or others.

    Channel the longing for your parents to be longing and aching to return to yerushalayim and the shechina.

    Maybe this can help you.

    many people have had challenging relationships with parents, so you have to remember how lucky you are to have had this.


    middle! its ok…:)


    oldest of large family – i like that even till today, siblings will ask and respect my opinion on things.


    it’s interesting how placement in family affects so much who we are today.


    i think that each placement in the family has its pros and cons.. and obviously Hashem gave us the position in the family b/c thats what is best for us..

    i think the oldest does have alot of responsibility.. but they are able to boss around the younger siblings to do alot of things for them..

    i think the youngest has it the hardest b/c everyone thinks they are the most spoiled.. therefore the older siblings make sure that the parents give them less then normal just to make sure that they arent spoiled.

    and the middle basically has it very good. they arent weighed down with tonz of responsibility like the oldest and they arent bossed arnd like the youngest..

    so basicaly the middle is the best placement according to me.. and hterefore they should help their older and younger siblings!!


    I am an only child and so is my husband. This means our kids have no aunts, uncles, or first cousins. But they do have a large extended family – great aunts and uncles, second, third, etc. cousins, with whom we are very close. So they are not missing out.


    Are only children spoiled, spoiled?


    I was an only until I was a teenager. I had little experience babysitting but got stuck with it a lot and resented it. The younger ones “got away with murder” because our parents were older – I was always like, I can’t believe you got away with that! I had The Fear (of doing the wrong thing and getting in trouble) and motivation to please my elders, that the younger ones didn’t quite develop. Now I’m a BT and the “black sheep”, LOL. It actually fits me well…


    Canine – some only children are spoiled. I’ve known of some. But I can honestly say – without sounding like I’m bragging that I really don’t think I was spoiled. I was certainly loved a lot – but not spoiled. In fact I remember my mother telling me that at teachers conferences, some teachers were actually surprised when they found out that I’m an only child. I guess that shows good parenting.

    I don’t think my husband is spoiled either. For two only children to get along well in a marriage shows that we do know how to share and compromise. Baruch Hashem.

    btw – we have 3 wonderful teenagers. no signs of older, middle, youngest syndromes. i think they’re pretty well adjusted and certaily loved very much.


    5yo thread

    Youngest. My older sibling has waaaay more baby pictures than I do. Such a super cute kid too; I love seeing those pictures of life before I was born.

    Having an older sibling means that your parents were already parenting before you came into the world. That’s pretty cool.

    Lilmod Ulelamaid

    “Youngest. My older sibling has waaaay more baby pictures than I do.”

    lol. I was the youngest for a long time. I was looking for baby pictures once for some kind of project and I couldn’t find any (or at least not very many -I don’t remember if there were any or just a few). When I questioned my mother about that, she had a whole explanation about how the old pictures had accidentally gotten thrown out by the cleaning lady as we were moving.

    Fast forward many years later: My mother is cleaning out my grandparents’ a”h house after they were nifter and finds the old box(es) of pictures which it turned out hadn’t been thrown out after all.

    She brings them home to show me and she’s like, “see, I really do have baby pictures of you.”

    So I go through the pictures and this is what I find: a picture of Shmuely, a picture of Shmuely and Shonie, and finally, a picture of Shmuely, Shonie and Lilmod, another three pictures of Shmuely, a picture of Shonie, a picture of Shmuely and Shonie, and finally, another picture of Shmuely, Shonie, and Lilmod.

    I was like, “Yeah right ma, I see how many pictures you have of me!” 🙂

    please note: all names besides Lilmod are fictional.

    Little Froggie

    Don’tcha think Lilmod is a funny name to give someone?!? (all names besides Lilmod are fictional)


    Lol! ?

    Lilmod Ulelamaid

    lol. I was waiting for someone to comment on that! 🙂

    As my teachers used to say, “just wanted to see if anyone was listening.”



    It was as if my older siblings and AI had different parents/lives. They lived in a high rise NY apartment for up to the first 15 years of their lives. Dad had a job.

    I was born in CT, we had a house, dad owned a business, mom was a school principal.

    But unlike the others who said they had to care for younger siblings, I got stuck with nieces and nephews and taking care of parents in their old age.

    In fact when I was a child and my father would take me to trade shows to buy for the stores he would introduce me as his kaddish…talk about growing up with Jewish guilt!

    Our children range from 42 to 19 and I have made sure that the younger ones never felt obligated to care for nieces and nephews and could enjoy their teen years.

    Unlike some, I or my children never wore hand me down clothing, as my father was in the business. Toys, books, sporting equipment did get passed down, big deal.

    Lilmod Ulelamaid

    CTL: Our children range from 42 to 19

    Wow! bli ayin hara! I know you have mentioned some were adopted, so I guess that helps, but either way – kol hakavod!

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