Onaas Devarim

When Orthodox Jews meet for the first time,
our standard practice to ask each other many
highly-invasive personal questions.
This may be Onaas Devarim [or Onaat Devarim].

If you are truly serious about avoiding Onaas Devarim,
then PLEASE STOP asking people highly-invasive
personal questions, like:

Which yeshivah did you go to?
Which country did your grandparents come from?
How old are you? Why are you not married?
Where do you work? What kind of work do you do?
How much money do you make?
Do you own the house you live-in and the car you drive?
Who are your parents? Where do they live?
Who are your brothers and sisters? What do they do?
How many children do you have?
Which schools do your children attend?

These questions seem innocent to most
Orthodox Jews, but they can be Onaas Devarim,
if you ask them to the wrong person.

Instead of asking highly-invasive & very detailed
personal questions, give a quick Devar Torah,
or a quick fact about current events,
or say something about the weather.

If you must ask these questions, then please ask
them in private, not in front of a large audience,
like hosts who ask their guests personal questions
in front of the entire family and all the other guests.

Last but not least, if you simply LISTEN
to people when they speak, they will reveal
many things about themselves,
without you asking any questions.

When it comes to kashrus [or kashruth],
we accept the strictest chumrahs.
Being strict [machmir] with the feelings
of our fellow Jews is just as important,
and maybe more so.

Chazal never said that someone who
accidentally eats traif is considered
as if he committed murder.

Chazal never said that someone who
accidentally eats traif is punished forever.

But Chazal did teach that someone who publicly
humiliates his fellow Jew is considered as if he
committed murder (tractate Baba Metzia, page 58B)
and he will be punished forever (tractate Sanhedrin,
page 107A). May G*D save all of us!

תלמוד בבלי מסכת בבא מציעא דף נח/ב
תני תנא קמיה דרב נחמן בר יצחק: כל המלבין פני חבירו ברבים, כאילו שופך דמים

תלמוד בבלי מסכת סנהדרין דף קז/א
המלבין פני חבירו ברבים אין לו חלק לעולם הבא