Parents and singles
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- This topic has 61 replies, 16 voices, and was last updated 1 year, 2 months ago by Always_Ask_Questions.
April 7, 2022 1:18 pm at 1:18 pm #2076586
Over the years Ari has had various complaints about the shidduch process on a variety of internet platforms. I’m sure that many of his questions are a reflection of his being raised by two parents, both professionals and physicians who likely are not as far to the right as he is. That being said, at the age of almost 30 it’s time for Ari to be proactive and perhaps find a more organic way of meeting the mate Hashem has chosen for him that isn’t dependent on his parents checking references.April 7, 2022 1:41 pm at 1:41 pm #2076608
I am not sure why he cares who check the references. He can do his checking and they can do theirs each to whatever works for them.
Adding to Amil I would say perhaps an attitude shift may be another productive step to finding the right one. If this is the face they see it might not feel warm and encouraging.April 7, 2022 3:31 pm at 3:31 pm #2076630AriHaleviRosmanParticipant
I don’t check references at all. Neither do my parents.
We both refuse. And it angers shadchanimApril 7, 2022 5:11 pm at 5:11 pm #2076694commonsaychelParticipant
@ari so why start this thread in the first place?April 7, 2022 6:12 pm at 6:12 pm #2076730GadolhadorahParticipant
If at the age of 30 you don’t have either the interest or time to invest in checking out the woman who you intend to spend your life with and be the mother to your children, perhaps marriage is not for you.April 7, 2022 6:19 pm at 6:19 pm #2076744
Ouch! Not sure that was warranted. It is not unheard of for 30 and older singles to get a presentation from the shadchan and go out yourself to learn the rest without bias, broken telephone or false impressions. If questions arise you can still make calls. I know several who do it that way and I’ve never heard that the shadchan could care less. Nothing about that says lack of interest. If anything it gives a better chance to a shidduch.April 7, 2022 6:19 pm at 6:19 pm #2076743AriHaleviRosmanParticipant
I am not 30. I am 27. I don’t check references. I say yes to every girl suggested to me with rapid speed.
Shadchanim tell me that girls’ mothers say no to me because my references don’t respond in an immediate fashion.
References = marriage?April 7, 2022 7:30 pm at 7:30 pm #2076756
Ya know Ari ya can keep on doing the same stuff over and over again the same way and expect different results, but it’s not gonna happen.April 7, 2022 7:31 pm at 7:31 pm #2076759commonsaychelParticipant
Ari, sorry you have some major growing up to do, just like I would not lend 100K to some random stranger I would not marry one either.
Both require major vetting.April 7, 2022 7:57 pm at 7:57 pm #2076774
Duh, so if none of you check references why participate in a process that mandates them? Its only fair that both you and your parents let the women know you won’t be checking references. Based on your FB you are now doing simcha videos. What an excellent organic way to meet people. Sometimes it comes down to someone who knows somebody.April 7, 2022 8:20 pm at 8:20 pm #2076785
Mandates? Offers. And yes, my friends did indeed say so outright.April 7, 2022 9:17 pm at 9:17 pm #2076808Always_Ask_QuestionsParticipant
huju, maybe I was not clear – I meant to say exactly opposite – ask people who are not in position of power and see how a prospective match interacted with them as this is most revealing of their character, as you seem to be also saying.
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