People Who Should Never Get Married

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  • #597401
    shlishi
    Member

    On an off-topic discussion on another thread, someone mentioned it is pretty obvious that there are “numerous reasons” it is “assur for certain people to marry”. Being pretty clueless about these numerous reasons (I can think of only a small number that are relatively rare) I was hoping some people can clue me in to (at least) some of these numerous reasons that Chazal and Halacha would agree that someone should not get married.

    #777826
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    People who are already married should not marry without first terminating their present marriage.

    The Wolf

    #777827
    oomis
    Participant

    Someone who has a communicable disease such as HIV or AIDS should not get married, IMO. Someone with a mental illness that is incurable, 100% uncontrollable and causes violent actions, ditto.

    These are the random thoughts that come to mind. I am obviously not speaking from any halachic perspective per se.

    #777828
    shlishi
    Member

    The title is “never get married”.

    #777829
    smartcookie
    Member

    Wolf- The OP is asking about people who should NEVER marry. Nothing about remarrying.

    #777830

    wolf understands this

    reread and rethink his post

    #777831
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    The title is “never get married”.

    Ah, okay. Now I understand.

    People who are presently married should NEVER MARRY without first terminating their present marriage. 🙂

    Not what you meant?

    OK, how about dead people. Dead people should never marry. 🙂

    Seriously, however, I can’t think of anyone who shouldn’t get married for strictly halachic reasons. There are certain practical reasons, some of which were outlined by Oomis that might prevent people from getting married.

    On second thought, there are some who maintain that a woman who lost multiple husbands should not marry again. However, how often that is truly enforced* is not really clear.

    The Wolf

    * Much like the halachic restrictions against suicides are rarely, if ever, enforced in modern times.

    #777832
    shlishi
    Member

    I can’t think of anyone who shouldn’t get married for strictly halachic reasons. There are certain practical reasons, some of which were outlined by Oomis that might prevent people from getting married.

    Well, halachicly a man is obligated to get married. So, if you are telling me that there are no strictly halachic reasons to not get married, the natural conclusion seems to be the obligation to get married is never abrogated.

    BTW, what “practical reasons” (i.e. non-halachic) did Oomis outline?

    On second thought, there are some who maintain that a woman who lost multiple husbands should not marry again. However, how often that is truly enforced* is not really clear.

    I think that is more of a recommendation to man not marry such a woman, then a strict proscription.

    #777833
    gavra_at_work
    Participant

    IMHO

    Everyone can get married, the question is if they should.

    Someone with an STD can marry someone else with that STD.

    Someone with a mental illness can marry someone else with such illness and live under supervision.

    Someone who should not have children (genetics) can marry someone who can not have children (genetics).

    Are they better off single or married? That is for them and/or their guardian to decide.

    #777834
    shlishi
    Member

    I should add that the comment that prompted this thread seemed to claim that it is “assur” for some to ever get married. So far any example of such a situation (which allegedly there are “numerous” examples of) has been lacking.

    #777835
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    Someone with an STD can marry someone else with that STD.

    Not necessarily. Google the term “superinfection.”

    The Wolf

    #777836
    msseeker
    Member

    I think people who are abusive (such as suffering from Borderline Personality disorder) shouldn’t consider marriage until they get proper help and change.

    #777837

    maybe what was meant by there are “numerous reasons” it is “assur for certain people to marry”.

    is: assur for certain people to marry each other, like a grusha to a Kohein.

    #777838
    shlishi
    Member

    That would make sense, but in the context of the discussion (on the other thread) he seemed to claim that it assur for certain people to ever get married altogether.

    #777839
    HaLeiVi
    Participant

    What do you mean by “should not have children”? That might fall into the same category of Chizkiyahu and Menashe. There are methods of selecting cells, which involves heavy rabbinic consultation.

    #777840

    thanks shlishi

    i didnt go back and look at the other thread

    #777841
    gavra_at_work
    Participant

    Not necessarily. Google the term “superinfection.”

    The Wolf

    I did not know that. Thank you.

    #777843
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    I did not know that. Thank you.

    I am happy I could be of help. You’re welcome. 🙂

    The Wolf

    #777844
    bpt
    Participant

    Someone who is prone to violence or other forms of abuse should never get married.

    Oddly enough, someone with a genetic illness might make a great spouse for someone that kids are not in the picture. As long as the partner knows the type of illness and what the long term (or CV the short term) outcome is, there is no reason for these people to be kept apart.

    A few years of happiness is better that no years of happiness. (And it might, just might turn into many years of happiness, with medical magic being what it is today.)

    #777846

    shlishi,

    Although technically all men have an obligation to get married, there may very well be instances where for “practical” reasons, it would indeed be assur to do so. Oomis’ examples (if she’s correct medically) are very illustrative.

    The din of “katlanis” is, I believe, a real issur, and is along the same lines.

    #777847

    is a man who is physically unable to have children obligated to get married?

    is he allowed to marry a woman who is capable of having children? (or at least there is no indication that she is not capable)

    #777848
    shlishi
    Member

    Daas,

    IOW, except in those very rare circumstances, a man’s *obligation* to get married always remains.

    #777850
    zahavasdad
    Participant

    I knew a guy who married a disabled woman, Because of her severe disabilty they could not marry civilly (Due to Medicaid issues) and had to live seperately (She Needed assistance that he could not give)

    About a year after they married, she slipped into a Coma and never came out of it (About 6 months this went on for until it was over)

    #777851
    gregaaron
    Member

    While there is no one who is not allowed to get married (at least at first), there are some people r”l who have an extremely limited choice of whom to marry. For example, a mamzer cannot marry anyone other than a mamzeres or giyores. Similarly, there are also certain physical problems which prevent them from having children(of which I have never heard about in the current day, but they theoretically do exist) who would be bound by the same limitations. The Gemara in Yevamos (eighth perek I believe) goes through who this would apply to.

    That being said, I can’t think of anyone who is never allowed to get married (with the possible exception of a kohein mamzer).

    #777852

    IOW, except in those very rare circumstances, a man’s *obligation* to get married always remains.

    For other (less blatant) exceptions, ask a posek (actually, ask a posek even for these).

    #777853

    is a man who is physically unable to have children obligated to get married?

    Yes (Rema, E”H 1-6)

    is he allowed to marry a woman who is capable of having children? (or at least there is no indication that she is not capable)

    Yes (diyuk in Nimukei Yosef, the Rem”a’s source, who writes that he may even marry a woman who cannot bear children).

    #777855

    thaanks daas

    i dont get the “even”

    it seems pashut that he could marry a woman who cant bear children

    the question should be can he EVEN marry a woman who CAN bear children

    #777856

    gregaaron,

    Can a mamzer be a kohen?

    #777857

    80,

    I think it’s being used in contradistinction to a man who is able to have children, as in:

    A man who is able to have children can only marry a woman who is able to have children, but a man who is unable to have children can “even” marry a woman who is unable to have children.

    #777858

    ahh…i see

    thanks again

    #777859
    Pac-Man
    Member

    DY: What if a Kohein has a child with his wife’s sister.

    #777860

    Would the mamzer child be considered a kohen mamzer or a chalal mamzer? That’s my question. I believe the latter.

    #777861
    gavra_at_work
    Participant

    DY:

    Rav Moshe has a Teshuva on this; regarding the Gemorah Chaggiah 15a (IIRC). Basicly Rav Moshe holds by definition it is impossible (the child is a chalal or not a Mamzer), but other Rabbonim might argue.

    #777862
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    Can a mamzer be a kohen?

    Essentially no. The status of Mamzer overrides any kohanic status he may have had. So, for example a mamzer who is the son of a kohen can visit a cemetary, can marry a (mamzeres) divorcee or convert.

    The Wolf

    #777863
    gregaaron
    Member

    @Wolf-

    Where do you know that from? (This is a request for information, not a challenge.)

    Thanks!

    #777864
    RABBAIM
    Participant

    here are some

    Krus Shifcha does not marry.

    Safek Mamzer cannot marry

    Half eved knaani- half ben chorin does not marry (yes, one can achieve status of eved knaani today)

    agunah cannot marry

    #777865
    HaLeiVi
    Participant

    But they can marry a Shifcha.

    #777866
    cherrybim
    Participant

    Also a woman in need of chalitza.

    #777867
    gregaaron
    Member

    @Haleivi-

    A half eved/half ben chorin cannot marry a shifcha, because he is still half free man. I believe there is a machlokes between Beis Hillel and Beis Shamai in such a situation, as to whether he is stuck, or we force the owner to free the slave “half” of the person so that he can get married.

    #777868
    littleapple
    Member

    krus shafcha can marry a giyores, no?

    #777869
    Ender
    Participant

    Littleapple: I believe so, as the issur is not to come into the Kahal, not that they aren’t allowed to get married in general

    #777870
    WolfishMusings
    Participant

    Safek Mamzer cannot marry

    A Safek Mamzer can marry a giyores, just as can a certain mamzer.

    Where do you know that from? (This is a request for information, not a challenge.)

    Good question. I can’t point to a specific source off the top of my head (and I don’t have the time to do research now). However, there is a logical reason to say so:

    If a kohen marries a gerusha (who is certainly less of an issur than a mamzeres, as the former is permitted to all other Jews) the offspring has no kohanic status. Certainly then, if he married a woman who is forbidden to all natural-born Jews, certainly the offspring loses kohanic status.

    I’ll see if I can find an explicit source over Shabbos.

    The Wolf

    #777871
    Ender
    Participant

    Wolf: I may be mistaken, but i believe that the din of Chalal only applies to issurim specific to Kohanim (e.g. gerusha), as opposed to issurim that apply to the rest the Kahal (mamzer). So if a Cohen would have mamzer offspring his children would not be Chalalim. This is my understanding of the sugya in Kidushin daf 77b.

    In addition, I don’t understand your statement that a the child of a forbidden kohen marriage loses Kohanic status. It is my understanding that they are a Kohen Chalal which means they lose the benifits of being a Kohen, but not that they aren’t a Kohen altogether. Please tell me if I am mistaken.

    #777872

    Safek mamzer is muttar.

    The reason I think there is no such thing as a kohen mamzer is because the woman becomes a zonah since she is assur to the kohen (as per S”A E”H 6-8) so the child is a chalal.

    #777873
    gregaaron
    Member

    @DaasYochid-

    But she wasn’t necessarily a zonah before.

    I’ve always learned the same as Ender, that a Chalal is only from Kohein-specific issurim. Could be I’m wrong, though.

    #777874
    anon1m0us
    Participant

    OK, anyone who IS married knows why people should never marry 🙂

    #777875

    But she wasn’t necessarily a zonah before.

    Conception and birth are after she’s a zonah.

    I’ve always learned the same as Ender, that a Chalal is only from Kohein-specific issurim.

    IIRC, it’s a machlokes rishonim, but we pasken as S.A. above.

    #777876
    real-brisker
    Member

    DY – What happened to the space?

    #777877
    Pac-Man
    Member

    He spaced out.

    #777878
    real-brisker
    Member

    Pac-Man – I thought that was TheGoq?

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