December 7, 2010 11:49 pm at 11:49 pm #907475yeshivaguy1Participant
for all those overweight girls, don’t despair. I have a few friends that are specifically into overweight girls. Not every guy wants a thin girl.December 7, 2010 11:51 pm at 11:51 pm #907476
I don’t believe you.December 7, 2010 11:54 pm at 11:54 pm #907477so rightMember
Do they insist on a photo first, to make sure the girl is sufficiently overweight?December 8, 2010 12:13 am at 12:13 am #907478yeshivaguy0Member
BP totty-wow i really dont know what to say. i personally learn in yeshiva and it seems like i take my learning a lot more seriously than the people that you know that are learning. just because there are no tests down here necessarily (personally i am tested at times, and other yeshivos do have frequent tests like the mir in eretz yisroel) doesnt mean there isnt a bigger test upstairs. as a yeshiva bochur i personally take offense to what you said before.December 8, 2010 1:04 am at 1:04 am #907479ronrsrMember
I did see a photograph of my wife before I met her. She looked OK, I didn’t think she’d be anything special, but I met her anyway.
Needless to say, I was extremely wrong.December 8, 2010 2:36 am at 2:36 am #907480Yanky123Member
Wow! I apologize to all you out there for not answering what I do in a more timely fashion. The reason was that as I said before I do B”h have a very busy schedule and did not have time to wind down yet and I still have more work tonight.
I am in Yeshiva for first and second seder, part of an intense Halacha Chaburah with tests and all. At night I do college work, I have a lot of studying to do and a big test coming up. BP totty, if you have time you are more than welcome to come help me out.
So if you thought I was whining then I won’t argue with you but your wrong, I’m just being practical.
Dunno, Brooklyn Yenta, Popa, and everyone that agreed with me thanks for that. You will Iy”h make wonderful wives.
And yes, anyone that asks I will gladly send a picture along with my resume. I cannot pinpoint the reason why girls don’t ask as often as girls.
I repeat again, I promise its not comfortable for us to ask but it’s just so practical.
And again, Iy”h the ultimate Shadchan should help us all find our Basherts very soon, till then. . . “Say cheese!!December 8, 2010 4:07 am at 4:07 am #907481oomisParticipant
I have no problem with a pic, but then he has to send one to me for my daughter to see, as well. It cuts both ways.December 8, 2010 1:49 pm at 1:49 pm #907482yeshivaguy1Participant
My friends don’t really date through shadchanim so theydon’t really need a photo they can tell when they look at her if they want to ask her out.December 8, 2010 2:52 pm at 2:52 pm #907483
Has that ever actually happened? That they asked for a pic and you asked for one also?December 8, 2010 3:07 pm at 3:07 pm #907484
popa, you were just told that you’d make a wonderful wife. Aren’t you going to say “thank you” to new2thescene?December 8, 2010 3:59 pm at 3:59 pm #907485tro11Member
I know a guy who only wanted a thin girl. Everyone told him he should look deeper than just looks, but he kept looking deeper and deeper and he just couldn’t get past it.December 8, 2010 4:22 pm at 4:22 pm #907486bptParticipant
New2thescene and YeshivaGuy –
That’s wonderful. Except the girls you’re dating are doing just that, PLUS working full time.
Face it; you’re going to be showered with praise, gifts and affection just for showing up (and having avoided running into bad publicity during the last 4 years). And you’ll be getting these things on the hopes that you turn out to be a decent human being and evenutaly a provider.
The girls you’re dating have already proved themselves.
You should be grateful they agree to date you, and not complain about how tough “the dating process is”
Oh, and taking tests? In my workday, I’m tested on every project. I mess up, I’m canned. Show me the last guy that got tossed from BM for not knowing his stuff. They assign you a weaker partner, a lesser seat perhaps, but you’re still promoted as the best, the top, the…
Contrast to girls, who if they don’t pass, they don’t graduate and they don’t get jobs. If they fail, they are cooked.
Shall I keep going?December 8, 2010 5:02 pm at 5:02 pm #907487not IMember
Couldn’t agree more with BPT. Yes for boys it is expensive and annoying, not easy to keep going out.
Yes it is not geshmak for a boy who is learning to keep missing seder and face their chavrusa again and again after a date falling through because of looks or other reasons..
A boy ends up being burnt out faster than a girl though. A boy has his learning, and his yeshiva life is basically his life. A girl on the other hand has a social, work, maybe college life.December 8, 2010 5:16 pm at 5:16 pm #907488
If a guy wants a picture he is basing his decision on it. I dont think its tznius or apropriate but it might just be part of the sad state of shiduchim. I blame most of the mothers for this trend.December 8, 2010 5:20 pm at 5:20 pm #907489HadaLXTPMember
If I would have gotten a dollar for every time a shadchan told that the girl was beautiful, gorgeous and pretty I’d be a very rich man. When I first started dating about 7 years ago I didn’t ask for a picture beshita, but when shadchanim would tell me that the girl is absolutely gorgeous, I’m telling you…., and I personally verified that it was not so(at least to me) pictures started getting more of a necessity. To avoid hurting anyone’s feelings. Yes I do send a pic to whomever asks.December 8, 2010 5:35 pm at 5:35 pm #907490
HadaLXTP…yeah? then it should work both ways, when a shadchan tells me the guy is tall dark and handsome, and a short fat bald guy shows up at my door….what to do?? what to do??December 8, 2010 5:47 pm at 5:47 pm #907491
I never asked for photo of a girl when I was dating, although I seriously considered it, when my 70+ year old Rebbe, who could barely see the sefer 2 feet in front of him, came over to me one day and said “do I know a pretty girl for you” 🙂December 8, 2010 6:29 pm at 6:29 pm #907493YW Moderator-80Member
my 70+ year old Rebbe, who could barely see the sefer 2 feet in front of him, came over to me one day and said “do I know a pretty girl for you” 🙂
he probably meant the word “pretty” in a different way than you thoughtDecember 8, 2010 6:40 pm at 6:40 pm #907494
I was once looking to buy a house. I knew that the most important thing was how functional it was, and how sound the construction was. But, I would only be able to tell that by walking through it and having a inspector look at it.
I also needed that it was on a nice looking block. This was non- negotiable (8 cow block).
I had good reasons for this, and they were a definite deal breaker, even though not as important as the other things.
I ran into a problem. Many times the broker would shlep me out to see a house, which as soon as we parked I knew was no good, since the block was ugly. Finally, I just asked for a picture of the block before shlepping out.
Some people told me I was being petty by asking for a picture. I was looking first at the least important part.December 8, 2010 6:56 pm at 6:56 pm #907495Jack DanielsMember
well said popa bar abbaDecember 8, 2010 7:00 pm at 7:00 pm #907496
“he probably meant the word “pretty” in a different way than you thought”
I firmly believe that pictures are a two way street. Whoever asks for one, must offer one in return.December 8, 2010 7:03 pm at 7:03 pm #907497myfriendMember
You don’t buy a spouse like you buy a house.
Your future wife is a human being. Your house you can sell.December 8, 2010 7:15 pm at 7:15 pm #907498
Every time your wife is looking a little worse for the wear do you send her under the knife for a remodel?
Just wondering…December 8, 2010 7:20 pm at 7:20 pm #907499
well i guess if times would get tough popa would put his wife up on the marketDecember 8, 2010 7:25 pm at 7:25 pm #907500
Did I ever imply that I am married? My mistake if I did.
Sorry to ruin this fun.
No, I did not imply it yesterday. I said it was a mistake if I did, as I meant to never imply either way. You can read every one of my old posts, I am sure I have never implied it, and if I did, it was a while ago, and I may have gotten married since then.
You also don’t know where I learned. You don’t know what I do. You probably can deduce I am not learning anymore from my hours online.
I keep my cards close.December 8, 2010 7:35 pm at 7:35 pm #907501
You think you do…December 8, 2010 7:47 pm at 7:47 pm #907502
So, what about my house?December 8, 2010 7:51 pm at 7:51 pm #907503
popa u make me laugh…i am a huge fan!!!December 8, 2010 7:52 pm at 7:52 pm #907504
PBA I here but disagree with your analogyDecember 8, 2010 7:52 pm at 7:52 pm #907505dunnoMember
I agree with that! Keep it up popa!December 8, 2010 7:57 pm at 7:57 pm #907506
Seriously, man, we can all tell how single you are.
What married man compared his wife to a HOUSE? Sheesh. You’re not even supposed to tell her she could stand to lose 5 pounds, let alone that she’s as big as a house.
Any married man who makes a comment like yours would undergo a change in status 🙂December 8, 2010 8:15 pm at 8:15 pm #907507
A picture doesnt make it or break it in any shidduch I am inquiring about.
It’s just that I need the picture to get used to the person’s face! Its a shocker to see a person’s face for the first time when you meet them..December 8, 2010 8:37 pm at 8:37 pm #907508
shimmel that logic is fashimmeltDecember 8, 2010 8:40 pm at 8:40 pm #907509
beiso zu ishto.December 8, 2010 8:40 pm at 8:40 pm #907510
IDK, I was always under the impression he was married….December 8, 2010 8:41 pm at 8:41 pm #907511
@shimmel ‘Its a shocker to see a person’s face for the first time when you meet them..’
please do elaborate on that….December 8, 2010 8:50 pm at 8:50 pm #907512
“Its a shocker to see a person’s face for the first time when you meet them”
Considering some of the people I’ve met in life, I’d say a bigger shock is hearing their voice after seeing their photo. Anyone remember a basketball player named Mark Eaton who played in the late 80s early 90s? A massive 7’4 fellow built like a soda machine with arms and legs. The first time I heard him speak I couldn’t stop laughing, he sounded very much like my little daughter, very high pitched voice (what made it funnier is the advertisement was an NBA promo about child abuse – it showed him as a menacing fellow, as the camera slowly scrolled up from his sneakers to his face – then he says “If I look menacing to you, think how you look to a little kid” in that whiny high pitched voice).
Perhaps in addition to a photo, you should ask for a voice sample so that her voice doesn’t throw you for a loop as well.December 8, 2010 9:03 pm at 9:03 pm #907513
A picture doesnt make it or break it in any shidduch I am inquiring about.
It’s just that I need the picture to get used to the person’s face! Its a shocker to see a person’s face for the first time when you meet them..December 8, 2010 9:10 pm at 9:10 pm #907514
I never heard a field object to being called an ox, but if you try your half of the saying in real life you get a rolling pin to the head. QED.December 8, 2010 9:12 pm at 9:12 pm #907515eclipseMember
On the phone I sound like a young kid and people sometimes even ask “Is your mommy there?”HOWEVER…I AM the Mommy,and look the part!My point being that voices are misleading.Yes,I KNOW you were probably kidding.December 8, 2010 9:20 pm at 9:20 pm #907516
shimmel do u ever leave home?December 8, 2010 9:21 pm at 9:21 pm #907517
Q.E.D. is an initialism of the Latin phrase quod erat demonstrandum, which means “what was to be demonstrated. Wikipedia.
I am not a math guy. But I do have google.December 8, 2010 9:39 pm at 9:39 pm #907518
Sorry my post went up twice…
I am a very visual person. It’s a shocker to picture one thing and see quiet another.
Call me shallow or whatver but If the guy is bad looking and its the first time i saw him, all I will see the entire date is his face. It WILL bother me the entire time.
If it’s something I got used to already, because I studied it, then it wouldnt bother me half as much.
Cshapiro–No never, i’m a hermitDecember 8, 2010 10:04 pm at 10:04 pm #907519
Who said anything about math? I’m not a math guy either.
All I said was that I have demonstrated my original point. You persist in comparing a wife to a house, which proves you don’t have one.
Never say again that you never implied on way or the other 😉December 8, 2010 10:15 pm at 10:15 pm #907520
I have no funny response.
Now, how did you know the qed business?December 9, 2010 12:41 am at 12:41 am #907521
how did you know
I know what I know. After all this time, are you still surprised that I know a thing or two?December 9, 2010 2:15 am at 2:15 am #907522bygirl93Member
the guys not askin for a picture, his mother is- she wants to see if you’re: aidle, pretty, skinny, cute, etc. she also happens to show it to her son which if i may ask- is that tzneius? i mean i’m not one to talk about tzneius being i’m a teenage girl but then the guy is marrying her for her looks and isn’t that pretzus? to all the guys out there- GET YOUR PRIORITES STRAIGHT!!!! not every girl is 5″2-5″4, size 0-2, blonde hair, blue eyes, chesed head, g.o., popular!!! is what you want a trophy/ photograph or someone who understands you, cares about you etc.???? i for one would NEVER give a picture, if his mother is the one asking- i don’t want a mother in law who is so into looks- she should want a baalas chesed and middos tovos!! if he’s asking then i tell him go jump in a lake! ur obviusly conciete and full of yourself because you think you deserve someone who is practicly perfect- they make a little someone that pleases everyone- her name is BARBIE! she’s practically perfect and u can take her where ever you want- if someone asks for a pix maybe i’ll just give one of her- because it seems thats what everyone is looking for!!! and mothers- ur sons aren’t always the little perfect tzaddik/talmud chochom you think they are- u don’t want to no wat goes on in yeshivos!! (i only no this cuz i have brothers)shiddichum is now like a factory! the guy orders wat he wants- and a girl is made- straight out of sem!!! wat happened to the old way? before resumes? i have older siblings of who met their bashert without this factory way of shidduchim- someone knew someone who knew someone who had a cuzin who would be perfect for your son!!!! thats the way it went and it usually worked!December 9, 2010 3:11 am at 3:11 am #907523
by93: Marrying someone for her looks is not pritzus.December 9, 2010 3:17 am at 3:17 am #907524
Hey, he can compare his hypothetical wife to a house. Shlomo Hamelech compares the aishes chayil to a cargo ship…haysay kianiya socher…
To the one who commented (I forget who, as I write this), yes, I was kidding about the voice.December 9, 2010 3:41 am at 3:41 am #907525
I think I can define the lesson of my house story and what I think about this topic.
When you research something, you don’t research the most important things first. You research the most definable and easily answered questions first.
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