Popa's grand vizier, taking questions

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  • #608971

    Years ago, somewhere along my travels, I saw a distinguished looking man hurrying along a dusty road. I asked him where he was going, and he said that the emperor’s date was sick, and was on the verge of delaying the date. Anyone who could find the cure would receive a large reward and great honor. He was rushing to a distant town to summon Dr. Nino, who was known as the greatest physician in all the land. He not only was the doctor who took the time to read all the medical books, he was also, everyone knew, the only person who could understand what they meant all the time.

    The problem was that Dr. Nino lived another week’s walk down that road, and the date was set for 7. I asked the man what illness afflicted the woman, and he described the symptoms. I was flabbergasted, because earlier that day I had encountered a hedgehog who spoke. No matter what I said, he responded, “holopches”. I had been frustrated and turned to go. As I walked away, he called after me; when you encounter someone afflicted with X (and he described the symptoms), provide them with hearty ale and homemade marzipan, crafted from the almonds of the abyss.

    I told the man that I was a famous doctor in my own right, that traveling further up the road would be futile for him, and that if he would direct me to the emperor’s date, I would be able to cure her. He had to concede, and he escorted me to her bedside. I made a great show of examining her (while still being shomer tznius, because I already knew the cure), and with great fanfare, I called, “Bring me almonds from the abyss!” They did so, and I took out of my bag a small marzipan making machine. “All must leave the room!” I cried, and they did, leaving the door open a crack. I advised her to eat the marzipan. When she had finished, the flush returned to her jowl, and I called for hearty ale. She took a sip, and was immediately able enough to begin preparation for the date, which was good because it was only three hours until 7.

    The date went well, although they broke things off later when it turned out that the girl had some cousins who got quite heavy after their second child. Thankfully it was mutual because the emperor’s great grandfather had been buried in a cemetery that was more heimish than truly chassidish, and also was buried next to his wife, the emperor’s step great-grandmother.

    In gratitude, though, the emperor gave me an award of much treasure. Also, it turned out that the emperor was Popa Bar Abba. I managed to impress him further with my cleverness, and shortly was appointed grand vizier of his entire kingdom. After a period of years, he turned cold toward me, but I still harbor a fondness for him and remember well the days that we would converse over the royal chat application.

    Seeing as now I am putting off doing important things, I am willing to answer questions about Emperor Popa, his kingdom, and any other questions that might require cleverness in reply, for if one has managed to gain the confidence of the great Emperor Popa Bar Abba, that person may have the solution to some of your nagging questions or difficulties.

    #945597
    Torah613Torah
    Participant

    LOL. This is clearly an in joke. Or a Rabbi Kunda reference.

    What is the name of Emperor Popa’s Kingdom?

    How many dates did Emperor Popa go on so far?

    What is the Grand Vizier putting off?

    #945598

    It is known as the land of Esnesnon Llort. It is renowned for the wild trolls who roam the forest, but unlike the popular perception of trolls, these trolls are quite likable and sing beautifully on cloudless nights. The largest industry is homemade goods. Esnesnon Llort has no imports, and few factories. Most consumer goods, like pickles, beer, and tuna fish are produced at home. Thus, the education system is based mainly on teaching children to make things themselves at home. Any first grader in this land can make a box of Cheerios or a set of wiper blades from scratch. By the time they graduate, young citizens can build their own commercial aircraft, complete with beverage service and peanut bags. And everyone in the land is accepted to school, since production would suffer if anyone were excluded.

    Total dates? The greatest scientists in the land speculate that numbers don’t reach that high

    Studying

    #945599
    midwesterner
    Participant

    I would like to know what those commercial aircraft are made out of. Because in case they would fly over cemeteries, it would be very important to know if the emperor’s second cousin, whose father is a kohen (surely, in the post Hasmonean era, the emperor himself is not a Kohen) would need to photoshop a plastic bag onto himself so that they think he is frum enough to do a shidduch with other properly geneologized royal families.

    #945600
    Torah613Torah
    Participant

    Wow, it sounds positively utopian.

    Positive infinity then.

    Don’t let us disturb you then.

    For after studying: what makes one troll thread successful, and another less successful?

    #945601
    TheGoq
    Participant

    How high are the taxes? What is the national debt like?

    #945602
    popa_bar_abba
    Participant

    Total dates? The greatest scientists in the land speculate that numbers don’t reach that high

    You can’t set them up on a one to one basis with whole numbers because there are fractional dates–such as where she is found to be a size 4 or higher.

    #945603
    midwesterner
    Participant

    How about size 3 or 5? That would make it an odd number and Torah613Torah could participate!!

    #945604
    Torah613Torah
    Participant

    Let’s define each date as the set of ordered pairs (popa,date). Each x,y can be judged by any value you choose. So the cardinality of the set of all dates is |{(popa1,date1),(popa2,date2),…,(popan,daten)}|. That’s the number of dates Popa has been on. So Emperor Popa, listen to your wise Grand Vizier, who correctly determined the number of dates.

    #945605

    Midwesterner, the plane are made out of earthenware, which they learn how to produce in kindergarten.

    The Goq: There are no taxes. The community works together to produce and administer public goods. Every so often, the emperor himself goes around collecting acorns from the populace for maintenance of the Eiruv, for which a special expert is brought in from New York. (There is no currency, and when there is a need for something to stand in as currency they use acorns which the people collect in the forest together and divide equally. Nobody knows why the expert from New York accepts acorns in payment).

    Midwesterner: Sizes three and five are wonderful sizes.

    #945606

    Bump

    #945607
    SaysMe
    Member

    how many female acquaintances of popa’s frequent the CR?

    no, don’t really answer that for him. that’d just be mean of me

    #945608

    Do you mean females who know Popa? Or females whom Popa knows? Because let’s just say that he has a fairly active intelligence department.

    #945609
    SaysMe
    Member
    #945610
    TheGoq
    Participant

    Grand Vizier Veltz what kind of army does this kingdom have and is there a draft?

    #945611

    The army is largely untrained but very enthusiastic.

    There is a draft, and it is one of the most full bodied beers you can find anywhere. Experts say that it’s due to the fertility of the barley fields in that region.

    #945612
    Torah613Torah
    Participant

    Where did Dr. Nino go to university?

    #945613

    Who does Gelila in Popaland?

    #945614

    Dr. Nino did a joint degree at Harvard Medical School and Harvard Law School.

    They have the sefardi sifrei torah in Popaland.

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