Home › Forums › Shidduchim › Proposal spectacles
- This topic has 15 replies, 11 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 3 months ago by refoelzeev.
February 22, 2018 5:53 pm at 5:53 pm #1475250MosheFromMidwoodParticipant
Seems like there is new trend of making marriage proposals a staged spectacle. The latest I saw was a video affair complete with hired photographers. Maybe I’m old fashioned but it seems to me that this is a private, personal moment and for some, it’s like everyone in the word has to be part of it, complete with the chasan on bended me–where did THAT come from among the frum? And what’s with the flower petals in the shape of heart. Give me a break.February 22, 2018 6:46 pm at 6:46 pm #1475269JosephParticipant
This is done by people who nebech have nothing substantial in their lives.February 22, 2018 7:52 pm at 7:52 pm #1475283
Joseph, an engagement is a substantial life event.February 22, 2018 7:52 pm at 7:52 pm #1475284
If you’re making a spectacle, you have to be pretty confident in the answer.February 23, 2018 12:22 am at 12:22 am #1475375yehudayonaParticipant
There are special glasses to be worn when proposing? Are they rose-colored?February 23, 2018 11:58 am at 11:58 am #1475505oyyoyyoyParticipant
SHudnt be a spectacle but the bending on knee and heart thing is a different discussion. If its in private i dont know how bad it is.February 25, 2018 7:08 am at 7:08 am #1475763takahmamashParticipant
This is done by people who nebech have nothing substantial in their lives.
So is making ignorant comments on the internet.February 25, 2018 4:51 pm at 4:51 pm #1476349ShainameidelParticipant
I do believe that due to the rise of social media it has become a method of “showing off” but aren’t a lot of chassunahs like that too(even before social media)? Who has a fancier hall, who has more guests etc.
But I do know a lot of people who would still rather prefer to have this done in private/not extravagant. I wouldn’t suggest that you generalize based on a few people on simcha spot.February 25, 2018 5:57 pm at 5:57 pm #1476653golferParticipant
I was totally sure this thread was going to be about a new type of shmiras einayim device to be used when proposing.
Pity nobody thought of that yet.
It’s a great idea! If anyone is interested in reaching out to a manufacturer in the Far East I’ll be happy to cheer for them on biztank or shark tank or wherever young entrepreneurs go these days.
It should be a smashing success as every few month the freezer opens up a whole new crowd of eager customers. Just hang up a few kol korei’s insisting you can’t propose without these and the rest will be history before you can pull the petals off a dozen roses.February 25, 2018 6:52 pm at 6:52 pm #1476675
Takahmamash, thanks for demonstrating.February 26, 2018 10:12 am at 10:12 am #1476822takahmamashParticipant
My pleasure.February 26, 2018 10:53 am at 10:53 am #1476914MosheFromMidwoodParticipant
I wasn’t generalizing based only on simchaspot, but also heard of other elaborate and sometimes expensive events. People can do what they want; what bothers me is why this is what they want. Yidden traditional have had a measure of tznius and making a public spectacle, while not a real issue of tznius, does raise the issue of why people feel this is necessary. I agree the wedding spectacles are a similar issue for me. I think most of us have been to enough weddings that some folks feel the need to impress buy doing something unusual. To me it’s a sad waste of money.February 26, 2018 3:44 pm at 3:44 pm #1477722
There is a long standing minhag of doing shtick at weddings to be misameach the choson and kallah.February 26, 2018 6:22 pm at 6:22 pm #1477742shualiParticipant
@RebYidd23 – “There is a long standing minhag of doing shtick at weddings to be misameach the choson and kallah.”
I may be wrong, but I believe the primary mitzvah of being misameach the choson and kallah is by expressing to one how special the other one is (i.e. Kallah na’eh va’chasudah). Believe it or not, keitzad mirakdim was not instituted by CHaZa”L to give friends of the choson the opportunity to show off their talents or to give costume stores sone business. It was for family members, tzadikim, Roshei Yeshibah, Rabbonim, etc. the opportunity to heap praises on the kallah. There are those (Rishonim perhaps) who hold this is the ikar mitzvah to be misameach the choson and kallah.February 26, 2018 6:24 pm at 6:24 pm #1477758wthParticipant
I don’t know if people actually do the bended knee, but kdai to be mefarsem that it may be an issur d’oraisa of chukas hagoyim. Rabbi Viener has a series of shiurim on the topic on Torah Anytime where he discusses it.February 26, 2018 7:42 pm at 7:42 pm #1477771
Shuali, I didn’t say it was a primary mitzvah. I said it’s a long standing minhag.February 27, 2018 4:36 pm at 4:36 pm #1478957refoelzeevParticipant
@shuali not sure where you got your facts from. The same gemarra in Kesubos that says to compliment the kallah describes amoraim entertaining the couple with various dances, props and gestures. I believe Tosafos in Sukkah describes how they used to joust on horseback to entertain the couple.
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