Reader Responds to Seminary Woes

Take the 8-12 K that it cost and give three quarters of that the keren yesomim campaigns and with the remainder send her to a local one, people managed with simple weddings, bucherim can manage without the zman in EY and so can the sem girls.
One of the silver linings of covid 19 is that we discovered that we can make due with less.

Your three responses obviously come from bias and over opinionated -ness (can’t think of an alternative word) that shows up often with this topic. I sure hope no girl ever misses out on what could be a very valuable experience for her because of armchair complainers who don’t mind generalizing their personal opinions as if they belong to everyone.

OP- you probably have a good idea about whether or not your daughter will benefit. If she isn’t a rule follower, if she is a risk taker, if she rarely comes home before midnight, if you don’t usually know where she is at any given moment,if she tells you why she wants to go to seminary and non of her reasons sound like healthy productive ones then maybe a year in another country isn’t the place for her. Unless of course you find the right place, in which case it will be the best place of all.

@syag I didn’t bring any bias to my comment, my son and multiple nephews and nieces didn’t go to EY this year because of corona and guess what, we all managed just fine.
We managed with less and life went on.

common – Of course you managed, B”H you managed! But managing is a whole different topic. A majority of people who lose parents at a young age manage, they lose their wallet and manage, they have to live locked in their homes for weeks on end and manage. Managing is about surviving, taking what you are given and coming out alive/ahead. I am hoping people can make decisions based on what is good or best for them, not based on with what they are able to manage. And for some people, it is sending someone to seminary, not keeping them home, that leads to them having to manage with less. 🙂
May you continue managing in good health, and may Hashem bless you and yours with everything you need to not just manage but thrive!!

“The average girl/most girls do not need to go overseas for seminary. They’d benefit from a domestic seminary just as well, if ruchniyus is the consideration.”

Joseph, it’s always a hoot to hear you weigh in on topics of what is good for girls. Kind of creepy actually to hear you speak as if you would have up to date info that allows you to have such a definitive opinion. Not comfortable with that at all. I have found thru your posting that you don’t really have an awareness of any life outside of New York so speaking for a portion of the population is just not shiach. I have also learned that you love throwing in comments about things that will cause commotion and what better than discounting the value of seminary – even if you couldn’t possibly (hopefully) have enough exposure to females to make your case.

“Not comfortable with that at all. ”

Syag, when posting comments, your comfort level reacting to truths I post are of no relevance in my consideration when sharing useful and beneficial information to the public. Even if some choose to bury their head in the sand and remain in absolute denial to what they believe as some kind of gospel. Having successfully seen through multiple generations of children and adults schooling, I am quite acquainted with the system both domestically and internationally.

Joseph, there is a Yiddish saying, ” A Goyishe vertel iz, l’havdil, a Toyreh.”. In that vein, you would do well to heed the famous ma’amar of Sen. Patrick Moynehan. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. They’re not entitled to their own facts.” Your OPINION vis a vis sem in Israel is reasonable, but it doesn’t necessarily contitue TRUTH.

Perhaps there are times and places that decisions need to be made with external considerations. But I suggest that the decision where to send a child to yeshiva, Bais Yaakov, seminary, etc. is best made with the main interest the child him/herself. The system has evolved to where there is such a thing as “the seminary 1-2 years in Israel”, or “the 1-2 years in yeshiva in Israel”. These generalizations are potentially hazardous. If a bochur or girl is right for the trip to E”Y and the yeshiva or seminary, then it is a wise consideration. To go there because others do is plainly stupid, and a huge risk. I eat when i am hungry, not when yenem is hungry.

There are certain realities that we face, and are easily blinded by the baseless sending to E”Y. The extent of hashgacha on a bochur or girl is minimal. Being absent from yeshiva may go unnoticed. There are countless excuses to be AWOL. There are countless places to go, many are mekomos hakedoshim, others sightseeing and touring. There are countless places to eat, and people to visit. There are also lots of events like protests and similar drama that many question their validity altogether, but are, at the very least, potentially huge distractions from the purpose of going to E”Y.

There are also risks there. At least 20-some years ago, there was a brilliant article in the Jewish Press authored by a social worker, Chezi Goldberg A”H HY”D. He begged American families to please not send their teens with issues to the streets of Jerusalem. He was consulted by way too many who were fighting the scourge of drugs that had assaulted the young people and were claiming lives. I have personal knowledge of tens of cases (and I am informed the real number is much higher than that) of kids sent back to enter rehabs back home.

There is no gezairoh that bochurim or girls must learn in E”Y. Nor is it fair to judge the yeshivos and seminaries in comparison. Together with the heightened kedusha there, there is a corresponding level of yetzer horah. The external presentation of a boy or girl fails to serve as the basis to judge whether this task is for them or not.

Often, the prolonged connection at home is an asset. And sometimes it is better for the teen to be elsewhere. These are all individual judgments. Making this into a trend is criminally irresponsible.

I went to E”Y for a few years, and thrived. I had friends that did not. And this predated the drug risks there. I eat when I am hungry, not yenem.

I am a boy and didnt go to EY and don’t think my life is any different of would have been much better had I gone. I learned in yeshiva in America and believe it or not here I am today quite learned I think. For thousands of years we did not have a procedure of going to Israel for a year to learn so not sure when this has become the 11th commandment. I am not saying that it is not nice to go there but it should be far from a requirement or status symbol.

in my opinion, unless the girl is going to teach hebrew subjects, seminary is superfluous. the cocollege credits received are much more reasonable here. i asked my daughter if she intended to teach, and when she said no, we made plans to educate her for a good and respectable parnasah. we have not regretted thathat decision.

Parnassa is the husband’s job. Wives are not intended to be our of the home and in the business world pursuing a career. That was never the Torah way and lhavdil it was never the way of the world. It is a severe breach of tznius to put a Jewish women surrounded by strange, even gentile, men.

“It is a severe breach of tznius to put a Jewish women surrounded by strange, even gentile, men”

Joseph,

After WWII, many Litvish Gedolim encouraged that women work outside the home to support husbands learning in kollel. Most parents simply can’t support their children who aspire to do so for the long term and teaching in a cheder won’t pay the bills. This is just more trolling on your part.

Edited