Relationship advice!

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  • #599326
    Feif Un
    Participant

    I see many threads with people asking for advice on dating, dealing with co-workers, etc. In this thread, I will offer my not-so-expert advice on all types of relationships, in my sarcastic and humorous way.

    Ask away!

    #1049249
    aries2756
    Participant

    OK, in your humble opinion why are people so eager to give free unsolicited advice :)?

    #1049250
    zahavasdad
    Participant

    Because its easier to give advice than take it

    #1049251
    Feif Un
    Participant

    Sorry, that’s not a relationship question. Next!

    #1049252
    TheGoq
    Participant

    Okay Dr. Feif i have this coworker who really brings out the worst in me she is the most infuriating person i have ever known i do so many favors for her and she shows no appreciation and is constantly complaining to me about everything how do i keep her from getting my goat?

    #1049253
    mytake
    Member

    Ok, Feif Un, here’s one: Do you think people should be taking advice about their relationships from anonymous posters in the CR? Why?

    #1049254
    HaLeiVi
    Participant

    Hey Goq, nothing mentioned here helped!?

    #1049255
    bpt
    Participant

    ” Ask away! “

    Ok, how’s this:

    I want to be percieved as an underacheiver/ shlemazel so I’m giving the fewest chores at home, yet be thought of as a go-getter /A++ superdude, so my wife will brag to our neighbors (both city and bungalow) about what a terrific guy I am.

    What do you suggest?

    #1049256
    Tums
    Member

    Only a “life coach” is qualified to give relationship advice.

    #1049257
    oomis
    Participant

    “Sorry, that’s not a relationship question. Next! “

    Sure it is! It is about your relationship to your own ego 🙂

    ” how do i keep her from getting my goat? ” (You’ve got a goat?)

    A better question would be how do you keep her from getting your attention. Just be too busy to chat.

    #1049258
    Feif Un
    Participant

    The Goq: if you’re worried about someone getting your goat, I’d suggest building a good, strong fence around it. Make sure it has a lock. That way, this co-worker can’t get your goat.

    mytake: I assume that before posting here, you already have asked anyone you’d feel comfortable with. If their advice wasn’t enough for you, then sure, why not take my advice?

    bpt: Join the BMG kollel, and hang out in the coffee room all day. Your wife won’t give you chores because she thinks you’re at seder all the time, and she will boast about how great you are.

    #1049259
    aries2756
    Participant

    Tums, that would be a “dating coach”, unless they need to learn manners, in that case a Life coach would help.

    #1049260
    Abba bar Aristotle
    Participant

    Dear Dr. Feif: Since we know that everything that a person does to another person is caused by Hashem, and we are obligated to be “melamed zechus on the person who causes us any harm”, how can anyone ever have a real relationship with another person? You will never know whether you are relating to the “real person” or to the actions or words that Hashem sent to you via that person despite his/her desires to relate to you differently.

    #1049263
    good.jew
    Member

    Dr Feif: Imagine I was PBA’s husband/wife. Should I allow him to troll on this site? Why or why not?

    #1049264
    kapusta
    Participant

    I’m not one to turn down free advice… Lets see what the good doctor can come up with…

    1. Someone I know, never especially friendly with her, very sweet, not socially awkward but socially something, seems to be looking for a new best friend (though by now she may have realized I don’t exactly rush to return her calls).

    2. Always had a good relationship with her, but seems to fall off the planet when its not convenient (sometimes for months at a time) wakes up and acts like nothing happened.

    *kapusta*

    #1049265
    bpt
    Participant

    “hang out in the coffee room all day”

    Can’t imagine it rivaling the coffe room I already hang out in. Plus the cig smoke would drive me nuts, so that’s a no-go.

    Any other ideas?

    #1049266
    Feif Un
    Participant

    Abba: I wrote a response for you, but the mods didn’t let it through, sorry.

    good.jew: Ask the Creedmore Roov, and do the opposite of what he says. After all, in his shul, women are wearing tefillin. Don’t do what he says.

    kapusta: This “friend” is what’s called a “Potato-chip friend” – she’s your friend when you have a bag of potato chips. You didn’t ask a question, so I’m not sure what you want. You simply said this person is looking for a new best friend. If she wants you, I suggest you tell her to set up an interview. Ask what happened to her previous best friend, and why they’re not best friends anymore. Tell her that you don’t offer a very good benefits package, and see if she still wants the position.

    bpt: Learn to enjoy cigarette smoke. It may not rival the CR here, but at least your wife can boast about you being in BMG, and that’s what you wanted, isn’t it?

    #1049267
    kapusta
    Participant

    Lol, very good!

    *kapusta*

    #1049268
    aries2756
    Participant

    Feif Un, excellent advice to Kapusta, I would just add, ask for references, if thats OK with Tums. Oh well even if its not.

    #1049269
    bein_hasdorim
    Participant

    I have this very frustrating love/hate relationship.

    When I’m bored, and interested…. nothing.

    When i’m not, like when i’m busy and so not interested, then I get bombarded. won’t give me a few minutes of peace anf quiet.

    VM, Texts, Rrrring, vvvibrater, Rrrring, vvvibrater,.

    When I look to you, I get you nothing?

    Now that i’m busy here you go. LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

    What do I do?

    #1049270
    Feif Un
    Participant

    bein_hasdorim: There are two parts to the solution:

    First, get a good game on your phone. All carriers allow you to download them, even without internet access. That way, when you’re bored, you will have a game that you can play.

    Second, get an ultra-cool ringtone. That way, every time your phone rings, you’ll look around with that look that says, “Yup, that’s my phone with that awesome ringer. Cool, isn’t it?” That way, you won’t be so annoyed when it does ring.

    #1049271
    bpt
    Participant

    “at least your wife can boast about you being in BMG”

    Not sure if she’d be proud. I know I would’nt be. The only place I can see myself being happy in BMG is the Executive Suite

    #1049272
    Feif Un
    Participant

    Change your last name to Kotler, and apply for a job.

    #1049273
    adorable
    Participant

    this thread is hysterical.

    bpt- if you were my husband I would boast about you all day. you are awesome!

    #1049274
    Feif Un
    Participant

    So adorable, what’s your relationship question?

    #1049275
    adorable
    Participant

    i dont have any now! will think of one though i promise!!!!!!

    #1049276
    adorable
    Participant

    ok what do you do if you told someone to be in touch with you ( a younger girl that needed you at some point) and then she calls you every 3 minutes and makes you nuts. how do you kindly tell her that you have a life and have no patience for her? but you cant hurt her and shes very sensitive!!!!!!!!!!

    #1049277
    aries2756
    Participant

    Let her know that you care about her and set up a time once a week for her phone call.

    #1049278
    bpt
    Participant

    ” if you were my husband “

    Now that you’re engaged, no one else exists, Adore.

    Start bragging about chosson # 1 (as he no doubt is doing about his kallah)

    #1049279
    Feif Un
    Participant

    If you really want nothing to do with her at all, look up the phone number for the rejection hotline. Tell her that’s your new phone number. If she’s really THAT sensitive, tell her that if that one doesn’t work, there’s another one she can try. Give her the suicide hotline number for that one.

    If you just want her to tone things down, tell her that you really want to help her, but you really don’t know enough about the subject matter to do so – but you know someone who can! Give her the number of your mother-in-law (are you married?) and let it be her problem.

    #1049280
    adorable
    Participant

    bpt- he’s not doing that trust me and I’m not doing that either (except to his mother when I wanna pump her up a little)

    #1049281
    squeak
    Participant

    Feif, i think mod42 has a phone number you can give to such people when you want to outsource such friendships. If your guruship wishes to ask him to provide it, that is.

    #1049282
    Feif Un
    Participant

    For NY, the number is 212-479-7990

    #1049283
    kapusta
    Participant

    I don’t want to be the bad guy here, but is it possible to steer clear of the suicide stuff?

    This is a great thread btw.

    *kapusta*

    #1049284
    bein_hasdorim
    Participant

    Thanks Feif! how’d you know I have terrible games.

    As for the cool ringer,any suggestions.

    I’m afraid my idea of cool is the “Incy Wincy Spider” ringtone.

    #1049285

    Whats the question?

    #1049286
    Feif Un
    Participant

    bein_hasdorim: try any of the non-Jewish songs that were taken and copied onto Jewish albums. That way it appeals to everyone, no matter what type of music they listen to.

    #1049287
    hanib
    Participant

    i was just passing through (reading the news) and saw this thread – it’s hysterical!!!! great answers, feif on! (i especially love your answer to bpt, cuz it’s so true. couldn’t help l(ing)ol.

    adorable – mazal tov!!!!!! (didn’t know you were engaged till now. that’s wonderful!

    good.jew – i think abba ben aristotle is pba’s father.

    i’m not really here – so have a great yom tov everyone and a sweet and healthy new year.

    feif on – my only relationship question right now is: how do i have a better relationship with my boss, who happens to be the King of this World? (i might not be looking up the answer, cuz i have a feeling He’d rather me not be here – the coffee here is extremely addictive for me, but you never know. 😉 )

    #1049288
    Feif Un
    Participant

    binahyeseira: I know what you mean. I once had a boss with an ego like that also at one point. Of course he doesn’t want you here – you should be working!

    I suggest asking for a transfer to a different department. Recommend someone with a huge ego that you don’t particularly care for for your current spot. Make some popcorn, sit back, and enjoy the fireworks when the two clash.

    If you want a REAL answer to your question (yes, I know what you really meant), go to a more serious thread.

    #1049289
    hanib
    Participant

    Lol!

    can’t go to another thread – my Boss wants me to get back to work, like you wrote in your first paragraph. Thanks for the advice. I think i won’t switch to another department though as there are great benefits and perks where i am now. Though, i may at times have to sit back and enjoy the popcorn.

    #1049290
    am yisrael chai
    Participant

    binah

    a brief welcome back to you. Thanks for your YO”T wishes and same to you.

    Dear Feiffy,

    Why do so many posters retire early or semiretire? And how long does the average CR poster last here?

    #1049291
    adorable
    Participant

    bina- thanks. you must have missed the news.

    #1049292
    bpt
    Participant

    “Change your last name to Kotler, and apply for a job.”

    Now that I think about it, if I take the job, it will mean wearing a tie 24/7 and being hounded by the press corps.

    Not for me.

    Feif – the more I consult with you, the more I realize I have no reason to want to / need to change any detail in my (for the most part) wonderful way of life.

    For this, I needed to consult with a relationship adivsor?

    #1049293
    Feif Un
    Participant

    am yisrael chai: As a sports fan, I know plenty about retirement. Most players will retire either when nobody wants them anymore. Some will retire when they feel they can’t produce at their highest level anymore.

    I think the same is true here. Some posters just don’t produce posts with the same quality that they used to. In some cases, the mods just don’t approve their posts anymore, so they leave. In a few cases, the poster realizes it, and leaves on his/her own.

    #1049294
    Feif Un
    Participant

    bpt: be thankful. You could have consulted a psychologist for the same results, but you would have paid for it! My advice is free.

    As for the tie, just tell them you’re also chassidish, and don’t wear ties. You can wear a white shirt and suspenders all day.

    #1049295
    bpt
    Participant

    ” he’s not doing that trust me “

    Oh no? You think he’s telling people he got his new watch from a vending machine?

    I think, short of carrying a photo in his wallet, he is quite proud about being engaged. And so should you. Just because it did’nt take 5 years, is no reason to take it for granted.

    Dont.

    #1049296

    Feif,

    once he changes his name to Kotler he can no longer claim to be chassidish.

    btw, this thread is hysterical! thanks for the laughs!

    #1049297
    adorable
    Participant

    bpt- i likes the advice you are getting on here! making me laugh

    #1049298
    Feif Un
    Participant

    charlie brown: he can convert, can’t he?

    #1049299
    bpt
    Participant

    “just tell them you’re also chassidish”

    No, that will cause other problems. Then, I’ll need to start making the Parlor meetings in Willy and Monroe instead of Wesley Hills and Lawrence, have Mezamrim and Meal Mart instead of <enter name of top entertainer> and <enter name of top caterer>

    My guys will be thrilled, but the BMG alums (who look forward to the events) will be like fish out of water.

    Looks like my BMG future will need to be limitied to my kids attendance.

    Oh well. Next idea, coming right up!

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